Disclaimer: If you recognize something I don't own it. For the most part JKR owns that. And I don't make any money here.

"oww!" that snake just bit me.

Well that was rude. I just somehow made the glass on his prison disappear and I get bitten in thanks. Rude!

Now some might be wondering what is going on that I'm blaming a snake for biting me in thanks. Well that's going to require a bit of explaining. To start with, why am I, harry james potter, in close proximity to a snake? I just so happened to have the dubious honor of being dragged along on my cousin, Dudley 'the whale' Dursley's, birthday outing to the zoo. I (un)fortunately, couldn't get dumped on Mrs. I-have-too-many-cats figs, so I get to be the extra shadow on this journey through the controlled jungle of the zoo.

While there and visiting the reptile house I wandered off to the side to commiserate with the scaly scoundrels. Then when a particularly lonely and caged feeling fiend is about to eat his lunch, I get shoved to the side like a piece of useless baggage. When I have recovered my facilities enough to be annoyed and just disoriented 'the whale' is pestering the serpent I just chatting with. I just wish it could be him in there eating a mouse and that snake. Maybe the world would be just slightly less irritating if was caged and displayed, rather than entitled and strutting.

Unfortunately, I have this rather nasty habit of fantasy occasionally becoming reality around me and now there's a snake biting my arm and leaving. And my cousin is in the cage with a mouse hanging out of his mouth.

Not my best moment.

-Break

On the morning after completing my ungodly punishment chores, I somehow find myself receiving a letter oddly addressed to my cupboard and no stamp. I really dislike the person addressing this. No stamp so it had to have been hand delivered and its addressed to the cupboard under the stairs. If any half-decent person read this, let alone wrote it, they'd realize that this is a bad situation and report it to the police. But no, I just somehow have to get shoved back into the cupboard and punished because I'm caught in the possession of some asshole's prank.

-break

It would be amusing to watch the chaotic rain of letters if I wasn't the target and thus to blame. So for the past few days we've received more of these proclamations of compliance at an exponentially increasing pace. All culminating in the aforementioned 'chaotic rain of letters'. Unfortunately, I'm somehow to blame for their appearance and not allowed to open them, so I have to suffer increased screaming for imagined slights, not to mention all the excessive glaring.

Reprieve should be coming though because it appears were on a road trip. Just no destination in mind.

-break

And I just had to jinx it didn't I? At the motel we collapsed at after 10 hours of seemingly aimless driving, the manager was pissed because owls have dropped two trashcans worth of letters addressed to our room number.

Then we had to go for another 12 hours drive to 'lose the bloody birds' in the the words of Vernon 'the walrus' Dursley. Now I'm on the floor, under a threadbare blanket, in a shack on a small island off the coast, in the middle of a storm, on my birthday. Well my dust bunny cake won't blow itself over so here goes.

I blow the motes up into the air sarcasticly wishing for more messed up stuff to happen to me.

*BANG BANG* the door shudders under the knocking

I just had to jinx it didn't I?