How to Deal

By: TheDayYouSaidGoodnight

Summary: An authoress puts herself into Sanzo-ikkou's journey to the west as a modern-looking female samurai. How stupid can things go? Will Goku beg her for food? Will Gojyo try making her head an ashtray? Will Hakkai keep smiling? Will Sanzo whack her with a fan? I want to let NellySama read this. I made this as a gift for him/her, because I like his/her story: The Sanzo Incident. Rated for self-impart, some swearing, OOCness and random insanity, overuse of the word "katana".

Dislaimer: I do not own anything…………………

Note: Please have a Japanese-English dictionary with you if you read this, there are some Japanese words in this story. 1st Saiyuki fic, pls. be nice and review. Some authoress parts here are in third person.

There are 4 people in a jeep, conversing on the roads as they journey to the west.

"Are we in the next village yet? I'm hungry!" Goku yells to Hakkai and Sanzo.

"Shut up monkey!" Sanzo yells, whacking that oh-so-popular paper fan at Goku's head.

"Heh, monkey, bad monk here is having a fit of temper again huh?" Gojyo asked, snickering. "Whack!" went a fan on Gojyo's head. "Owww! What was that for?" Gojyo asked.

"Guys, we're halfway to the next village. We'll just cross this forest of pine trees.

Later the car's breaks went "screech" Gojyo's and Goku's heads bumped unto the jeep's side. There was a girl on the street, wearing a purple kimono with small, lavender diamonds as designs on it. She had short black hair that reached to the back of her nape tied in a black ponytail with black and white beads hanging down from it. She had almond-shaped dark brown eyes, a not very flat nose and medium pink lips. She was about 155 to 156 centimeters (5 feet and 1 and ½ centimeters, that's my height, correct my conversions if I'm wrong). She wore no earrings, wore silver-framed oval eyeglasses that shine when the sun strikes them. She was thin. People could call her a nerd, but she had an attitude. She wore high light blue slippers on her feet without socks. On her belt was a katana slipped through, and she had a large bag strapped at her left shoulder.

"Watch where you're going lady!" Gojyo screamed at the girl,

"What's your problem, I'm just crossing the road."

"Is this our authoress TheDayYouSaidGoodnight?" Goku asked. "I am the authoress of this story, what's you're problem, Gojyo, do you think I'm a demon?" she says.

"Do you have any foooooooooooooood?" asked Goku, who was over-obsessed with food.

"No, I have no food, and I'll cut you down with my katana if you beg from me." just then something poked at her head, something like metal. "Sanzo! Don't you dare shoot me with your shoreiju, I can guide all of you to the next village!" "Get in and shut up." He said coldly.

"Thanks. Hey, Hakkai, when will we arrive?" "About 10 minutes from now. How should we call you, authoress?" Goku asks.

"Just call me Danielle. My authoress name is a song title. I'm not really from around here. I'm from the Philippines, a country south of Japan and Taiwan. I am an expert of stealth." The authoress says

At the town……….

"What should we do first?" the authoress asks bored, and sleepy.

"Get foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooood!" Goku yells.

"Let's get an inn first. Then we'll eat." Hakkai says. After finding all the inns, they finally saw an inn to stay.

"Not bad, 5 floor mattresses in one room, but this is ridiculous! Can't I just stay at the balcony!" Goku asked,

"Get over it, or I can smash a scabbard on you forehead, you monkey who didn't do anything but eat. When we were in the restaurant, you stole all the ramen in my bowl, half of the Peking duck in the serving plate, and three fourths of the chocolate cake! The only things I ate were the morsels of ramen, 1/8 of the Peking duck and a crumb of the cake and just substituted it with sansrival cake but you ate half of it!" the newcomer shouts while hanging her bag at the nails hammered into the wall near the bathroom.

"I'm so sorry about Goku for he ate your food. We didn't know you like chocolate cake." Hakkai told her.

"You shouldn't apologize, man, it's monkey-boy whose supposed to and if he does, apology accepted anyways." she smiles as she forgives Goku.

"I can't believe this I-don't-know-if-she's-a-samurai is even kinder than Sanzo!" Gojyo whispers to Hakkai's ear. "Bang! Bang!" the gun blasted its bullets into the windowsill. Sanzo did that.

"Sorry monk, I didn't mean to um….make them give you a demerit or something, but I think you're a good person." The newcomer bows her head in front of the ill-behaved priest.

As the four are stationed in their other 4 mattresses, she tripped. Sanzo was at the door, smoking a cigarette. He held her hand up then forbidden Japanese words came from her mouth:

"Ay! Watashi wa anata wo aishithe imasu, Sanzo! Sorry, Sanzo! I know what that means, I'm a rookie when it comes to speaking in Japanese! Gomen, Sanzo-sama! Gomen, Sanzo-chan!"

"It's okay, be careful or I could lose control of my gun!" Sanzo smiled so tenderly she smiled at him too, she never forgot what he looked like: such a kind, gentle, handsome monk.

"Unless I slap it off with my katana." she says, showing the blade of her katana.

She walked off to the balcony and watched the four behind shout insults and bangs of revolvers, whacking of a paper fan and 30 times of the word "gomen". She just shakes her head and views the outside world.