"Peeta?"
He looked up from where he sat, fully clothed, on the shower floor, eyes red-rimmed from crying. My heart broke for him as I saw the pain in his eyes. I've never been a particularly empathetic person, but I knew his heartache all too well. Damn the Capitol. Then, his gaze dropped back to his hands which were clasped together so tightly his knuckles were sharp and white.
I wondered what he was thinking, but I didn't wonder if I was safe. This was Peeta and I knew that he would kill himself before he ever hurt me again. His hijacked mind still hated me, but as time passed, he was learning to decipher which memories were real and which monstrosities were implanted by Snow and the other corrupt. The parts of his mind that were untouched loved me more than the tangled web of false memories that wanted me dead. I sat next to him in the spray of hot water and scooted as close to him as I could, resting my lips against his neck. We sat like that until the water began to run cold, until the sobs that wracked his body subsided into snuffling sounds and shuddering breaths.
I stood slowly, ignoring the protests from my cramped muscles and turned off the water. Then, I turned and held my hand out to the young man I'd grown so close to over the last couple of years. Again, those haunted blue eyes met mine before his gaze dropped yet again.
"Oh Peeta," I whispered, my own eyes welling up with tears. "What did they do to you?"
The laugh that escaped his lips was mirthless. "I think, Katniss, the better question is what the hell didn't they do to me."
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"Boy, you will tell us what we want to know." The peacekeeper's voice sounded threatening, but I knew that I was going to suffer far more pain than he alone could dish out, because I had no answers. Even if I did, I loathed the Capitol so much that there was simply no way I would acquiesce to their demands.
"Go to hell," I sneered, locking eyes with him to let him see that I was unafraid.
His hand flew out and connected with my jaw. Stars danced in front of my eyes, but I fought to keep my gaze even with his. The metallic taste of blood filled my mouth, but I refused to show any sign of pain.
"Where is she? Where did they take Katniss Everdeen? Where is the Mockingjay?" I could smell the man's rank breath and feel flecks of spittle on my face from the force of his words. I crooked my index finger at him, as if I was going to tell him a secret. The idiot smiled and leaned forward, ready for me to betray the girl I loved. As he neared, I cleared my throat and nodded, breaking our gaze to look down at the wooden table, trying to look hopeless. Then, I spat a wad of bloody phlegm into his face.
"Fuck you." Katniss had, on many occasions, admired my way with words. I knew that she would be even a bigger fan of my sudden ability to be so succinct. I'd never heard her use that particular phrase, but I felt it got my point across.
Then, I saw him slamming the butt of his rifle towards my head, but I felt no pain. Instead, I heard an electric zap and the peacekeeper fell to the ground. I turned my head slightly to see a group of men, all dressed in dark suits, standing in the doorway. Without acknowledging them, I turned back and stared at the blank white wall in front of me. The smell of roses filled the room and I knew that President Snow was one of the group.
"Does it bother you, Mr. Mellark, that Miss Everdeen chose to save herself rather than you?"
I remained motionless.
"You had a deal, did you not?"
Although my back was to him, I fought to keep my face expressionless. It must be working because Snow changed tactics.
"I was so intrigued… Watching the two of you as you emerged from the last Games, victors. At first, I was dubious… Then, even my old heart was moved by your… Affections. My hat was off to you, Mr. Mellark. You were a far better actor than your… Friend."
I could feel a muscle in my jaw twitching. I kept my breathing even, although I could feel my heart racing.
"Then, of course, it all became clear. You weren't playacting, were you, Peeta? You really do love her." He paused, waiting for me to react. When my silence continued, he chuckled quietly, "Peeta, Peeta, Peeta. You're young, boy. You'll learn what women are like. Exchanging kisses for broth… Caresses for lamb stew… Your very soul for… Her own safety."
I would not be coerced into a response to his lies. In the cave, though, when Katniss freely gave of her kisses and soft touches… We had been given broth… And stew… But, I knew Katniss had been putting on a show. Well, I didn't know at the time, but as the Games closed, she'd told me as much. My heart had felt like it dropped into my stomach when she confessed that, but… I knew that something special had happened between us. I didn't know how to win her over, but, I knew that I would. Eventually.
"Did you know, during the Games, that when she kissed you, it was her friend Gale's lips she felt? That when she touched your skin, it was his that she imagined? That when you slept next to her, it was his body she dreamt of pressing into hers?"
I could feel a stinging in my eyes. I wouldn't let him break me. I didn't doubt that Katniss loved Gale. She had told me that it wasn't "love" like I imagined, but that he was just… There. He'd always been there.
"No sooner had you stepped from the train than she ran to him, Peeta. Well, maybe it wasn't even to him. No… Perhaps it was away from you?"
I heard a tinkling of glass and metal behind me. I wanted to turn and see what was happening, but my heart ached from Snow's words, Of course, I knew they were well thought out. Of course he wanted to hurt me. He was evil. Hadn't Katniss said so over and over? So, I sat motionless, my body tensed to fight.
His voice was closer, now—little more than a reptilian hiss in my ear. I startled, as he said, "There you were… Willing to give your leg for her… And of course, she ran to him. To Gale. She didn't even know there were cameras, Peeta. And yet… There she was. Kissing him.. Her legs wrapped around him…"
I felt a needle being driving into my neck. Whatever fluid they were injecting into me burned like fire and the room began to glisten. As I grabbed my neck and whirled to fight, the walls began to ooze a shiny orange substance and Snow's smile multiplied like the Cheshire cat in a story my father had told me as a child. Here and there a tooth grin shimmered in the air.
As I felt myself collapsing, I smelled blood on his breath as he murmured, "What a bitch."
