"Stop it! Gilbert!" Matthew screamed as the knife was pushed deep into his stomach, blood slowly trickled from the wound, making Gilbert painfully aware of how serious the cut was. The man looked back from his victim, frowning as Gilbert stood without moving

"I actually feel bad about this…" The man laughed before ripping the knife from the heavily breathing Matthew. Matthew fell forward, landing on his knees, and dug his hands into the wound as if it would stop the pain and damage.

"Fuck you, fuck you, fuck… You" the man whipped his head to look down at the shaking boy, Matthew looked up with a defiant, yet pained expression, and spat the blood being forced into his mouth onto the black boots of his murderer.

"Kid…" The man didn't finish as he was grabbed by the back of his head and pulled down, landing heavily on his hands and knees.

"You cunt" Gilbert hissed pulling the man's hair with all his strength. The man scratched at Gilbert, squealing in pain. Neither noticed as Matthew fell forward onto his face, not feeling his nose being smashed against the alley's cement ground, and struggled to breathe.

Gilbert was too busy smashing the man's face against the ground to fret over his best friend's currently slow death, and even after the man stopped breathing he didn't know how to begin.

"Matt" He shook his head rapidly, dropping the man's bloody face and crawling over to his shuddering body. Blood spread almost impossibly slow and when Gilbert finally reached Matthew it had formed a small pool beneath his body.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" Gilbert pulled Matthew shoulder up for a bloodied hug, Matthew said nothing as the blood leaked out of his mouth and onto Gilbert's still shoulder, he closed his eyes as he weakly wrapped his arms around him despite the blood.

"Gilbert… I… I…I'll m…m" Matthew stuttered through his pain, and Gilbert quaked as tears forced themselves out of his eyes and slid down his cheeks like acid.

"Meet… Y…Y…You… I…I….in…heav…en…" Gilbert's eyes widened as Matthew's body suddenly went limp in is arms, a siren screeched through the night, but he heard nothing but the rapid beating of his heart.

Shock spread through his form and he found he couldn't move, not when the officers and Ambulance came, not when they forced him to let go of Matthew's corpse, not when he was lifted and taken to the hospital, and not when he was forced into rest by the needle in his arm.

Gilbert's sleep was of white mist, and his memories of Matthew being forced through his head like a movie. He didn't wake up for two days, they said, they also said that if he did wake up they weren't allowed to touch him, they also said he'd be charged with murder, they said a lot of things about him he figured.

When he did wake up, he didn't eat, and he refused to sleep without the injection to make him do so. His father, brother, and any other visitor spoke to him differently, as if he was a scared kitten.

"Feliciano wishes you well" Ludwig said on one visit, "But he can't be here because it's Lovino's birthday." Gilbert had found that mildly amusing, Lovino had died on his birthday two years ago, and Matthew died only a few days before.

"It's okay, he can talk to me when I can go home" Ludwig didn't bother to say that Gilbert was allowed home at any time he felt, and instead smiled and patted his brother's head. The only thing keeping his there was his mental state.

Gilbert sat on his bed, three days later, looking at the piece of paper wrapped around his wrist 'mentally unstable, if lost please contact the nearest hospital.' He thought there was no point in giving him one, he could care for himself… it was just other people he had problems with caring for…

Whenever Feliciano came over all he did was latch on and not let go until he had to go, Gilbert was happy with the contact, but the memories always resurfaced whenever the almost slender arms wrapped around his neck. Feliciano never protested if Gilbert immediately wanted to be hugged differently, he was happy every time regardless. Ludwig was proud of his not quite student making a good lasting impression on his brother, and often praised Feliciano for the little things he did right.

Gilbert gripped the band around his wrist and pulled slightly, feeling the tough paper dig into his wrist painfully. He let go and lifted himself off of the bed, moving over to his drawer where he kept a lot of his belongings. A few stray sharpener razors were strewn throughout the inside and moved slightly when he pulled it open, he took liberty from destroying every sharpener in his home and storing the sharp bits of metal in his personal drawers. He never did anything with them, just kept them there, and once again Gilbert wasn't rummaging to find one to slice his skin. Gilbert found the piece of paper he was looking for and pulled it from the mess of important things, and stared at it for a long moment.

It was a picture of himself, Matthew, and Lovino. Both of his late friends had died in terrible ways, Lovino died in a car accident, though there were whispers that it was a suicide attempt that worked, and Gilbert couldn't swallow the thought of how Matthew died resurfacing so many times in his head. It felt like a bad dream, but the upcoming court case, and the true sadness, were what made him understand that this wasn't a dream.

"I'll meet you in heaven huh?" Gilbert whispered letting a thumb slide over Matthew's smiling face, before a grimace flickered across his own and he shoved the picture back in the drawer before slamming it shut. He stood still for a moment, the sudden thought of his friend's last words rocked his brain. He wanted… needed to be with Matthew again. HE never felt this horrible since Lovino's funeral, and Matthew's was just around the corner. He carefully opened a different drawer, and found himself gripping the handle of an old hunting knife he used to use when he went with Lovino and Matthew those few times.

"Fucking stupid, that's what I am" He held it in hand for a second, before sliding a finger across the sharpness, he reared back as soon as he did, blood quickly trickled from the cut and flinched as it slid down onto his hand, remembering the feel of blood running down his back.

"They said the left ear… but…" He looked at the door, the sound of the front door opening and a disgruntled shout from his brother had him realise that Feliciano had come over once again. He forced himself to look back at the knife, and steadily lifted it to his left ear.

"Should've gotten someone else to do this… ugh… but" He let his arm fall again "Feliciano… Ludwig… Arthur… Antonio… Francis…" He stopped counting off the names of the people he thought would care about what he thought he should do. He felt so stupid holding a knife and contemplating suicide, he wasn't even that sad, he concluded. He just felt lonely… empty… He wanted to see Matthew again… And he decided, even if he knew that Ludwig and Feliciano would be destroyed he had to do this.

He let his breath escape through his contracting lungs

"Time to do it…" he slowly opened the top drawer again, and grabbed the picture. He felt the sting of tears behind his eyes as he lifted the knife to his skull beside his ear. His eyes blurred as he stared at the image.

The door opened just as he slammed the knife in.

"Gilbert? GILBERT!"

….

"Gilbert… Why are you here? Why did you come here? WHY DID YOU LEAVE FELICIANO LIKE THAT? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE MY BROTHER LIKE THAT!"

"Lovino?"