Some information on the story you're about to read:

I've completely eliminated Tris and her entire year of initiates from the story. The war hasn't taken place. Both of these cuts were necessary for the story I envisioned to take place. Don't worry though - Eric is still an absolute ass.

The story is rated T for language. Those pesky Dauntless love to swear!

Disclaimer: The Divergent Trilogy is not owned by me, and nor are any characters you recognize.


What I'm about to do will probably lead to my untimely death.

"You know what you have to do, Asta," my mom mutters quietly, clasping my sweaty hand in her own. We walk on towards The Hub, herded along by the crowd. "It's the right decision- I know it is! You'll be fine."

I feel my anger rising as she tried to convince herself. We've spent the entire night talking this over in the privacy of our kitchen. There's no need to bring it into the open like this.

"Stop it, mom!" I hiss, "What if someone hears you?" She stiffens next to me and I feel bad for scolding her. She's obviously not well. I look around me to see if anyone heard her; they all appear blissfully ignorant. Families dressed in blue finery, their voices laced with false cheer. They all know that it might be the last time they are gathered.

I feel my mom slow down next to me, and I stop to link my arm through hers to support her. She looks so fragile. A year ago, her hair was sparkling red and her back was long and straight. Now she's crumbling. Her mane is rapidly graying, leaving her looking like a spindly, elderly woman rather than the 45 year old scientist she is.

Today is Choosing Day.


It all began when my dad didn't come home from work.

Back then my brother still lived with us. We spent our nights reading to each other in the living room and helped each other study for tests. Mom and dad worked at the labs. Dad was terrible at leaving his work at work and often brought home an armful of files to read in his study at night. Mom was worried. We didn't know what his current project entailed, but we knew it was important, so we didn't disturb him. Towards the end, he went through an entire month's coffee rations in eight nights. He came home so late we rarely saw him; we only heard him shuffle about in his study. I would sometimes lean against the wall, listening to him. He paced a lot.

Then one day, he didn't come home. Mom waited up for him and was still sitting in the kitchen when Nathan and I woke up the next morning. We were getting worried. She stopped by his lab at work that day but couldn't find him.

When he still wasn't there the next morning I refused to go to school and locked myself inside my room. What if the Factionless had taken him? Had he been killed? Abducted? I spent the day on my windowsill, eyes trained on the pavement in front of our apartment building in hope of seeing him come trudging with another load of files. He never did.

We went to the Dauntless department in Erudite that night to report him missing. We were received by an overly pierced man with a bad attitude who was none too enthused to talk to us. We explained that we hadn't seen dad for a couple of days and would like to send out a search party. The Dauntless man just leaned back in his seat, kicking his feet onto the table, and asked when we'd last seen him. The trouble was that none of us were sure. He'd been coming and going without us knowing for a while. The man rolled his eyes and asked condescendingly if we'd brought any photos of him, and mom handed him the worn one from her wallet with a shaking hand. He cast one look at it and stowed it away in his desk drawer.

"We'll keep in touch, but mind you, it'll probably take a while," he droned before gesturing to the door. Nathan was about to turn around, his clenched fist tattling on his intentions, and I grabbed his arm and shook my head. It was an extremely bad idea to get into fisticuffs with a Dauntless soldier.

They never got in touch. We returned five times during the next month, but each time they fed us the same vague lines about how going through their records took time. Eventually they told us that they couldn't find him, after which we gave up on them.

That night I heard mom crying herself to sleep through the walls to my parents' bedroom. She stayed in there for two days, not even coming out to eat. I tried bringing her food and water, but she had changed. It was as if someone had turned her off, leaving her unmoving and mute. For once her brain stood completely still, locked and centered on dad.

When she finally returned to us she was a ghost of herself. I once watched an old movie with Nathan that had undead creatures, zombies, in it. I spent half the movie behind the couch so that I could duck out of view when it became too scary. Mom was walking like them now, her movements stiff and clumsy. It spooked me so much that I grabbed Nathan's hand under the breakfast table. She joined us and mechanically poured coffee into a mug, not uttering a word.

"Mom?" Nathan broke the uncomfortable silence. "It's good to have you back." He offered her a smile which she didn't see. Nathan didn't give up though. "Mom, you remember what day it is, right?" She looked up vacantly now, staring past Nathan. "We're being tested today, mom."

I'd nearly forgotten the stupid aptitude tests. I knew already that Nathan wouldn't stay in Erudite. He was too wild to stay. He went on jogs. Who in Erudite does that?

No, Nathan would go to Dauntless, and he would fit in perfectly. Still, I wanted to be selfish and tell him to stay here with mom and I. It had only been a week since dad went missing, and while Mom was a complete nutter I didn't know how I'd stay sane without Nathan. Life as we'd known it for the past sixteen years was changing. We could either try to adapt, which would probably be the smart thing to do, or work against the change. Neither of us had ever been able to stand by idly as decisions were made on our behalf. We were a stubborn bunch, and mom was probably remembering that right then. I watched her eyes focus and imagined her clever mind click into gear for the first time in days, whirring and spinning like a fine piece of clockwork.

"Asta, we're out of coffee," she stated absently, "would you mind asking the next-doors if we can borrow some?"

I nodded and left. Of course they wouldn't give us coffee. Mom knew that. Coffee was more treasured than any other commodity in Erudite where minds needed to perform around the clock. I knew that she and Nathan would discuss his choice of faction, even though it was strictly forbidden. I wasn't about to object. Instead I walked up and down the street, letting them plot in peace. When I came back they were quietly drinking their coffee, pretending that they hadn't just broken one of the most important rules in our society. Meanwhile my head was about to burst with questions, but I knew I couldn't ask about anything. Only one thing consoled me - mom had the appearance of a woman with a plan.


Visitor's Day was terrible and wonderful at the same time. Nathan had gained muscle and sported a nice, big shiner which he let mom touch gingerly.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?" She asked, her voice small but curious. I don't think she'd ever seen a black eye before. She was slowly returning to her old self, but she'd become more closed to the world. We now communicated mostly in monosyllables. This was the most I'd heard her say in days.

"Absolutely, can't feel a thing," he lied easily. I saw him wince briefly. He was also absently cradling his left ribs when he thought I wasn't watching. I let my eyes trail around the massive hole that The Pit really was, filled to the brim with smiling, crying, and chatting people. The echo of the room was building up to a pounding headache.

"Hey, Asta, are you okay?" Nathan suddenly asked.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure, I've just got a bit of a headache," I dismissed, trying to smile. Just then a toddler squealed loudly, making my temples throb. "Actually, would you mind terribly if I went for a walk?"

"Sure," he shrugged. "The dining hall is over there if you're hungry," he pointed out a ragged hole in the wall and I nodded, rising from my seat.

I decided against the dining hall, instead heading for a nearby tunnel. As soon as I entered it my head started feeling better. It was slightly cooler and quieter in here and I let my forehead rest against the wall for a moment. The entire place was weird. I didn't know how Nathan managed to stay sane in this dark, cold place.

Mom had gone to find a bathroom when I came back. Nathan wasted no time as he grabbed my starched blue sleeve and pulled me off to the side of the room. I yanked it away when he stalled. "Stop dragging me!"

"Listen to me now, Asta, this is important." His voice was low and grave, and instantly I stilled.

"I don't know what happened to dad, but I intend to find out. The best ranking initiates here get first pick of jobs, and I have to get access to the control room. I don't know if you've noticed, but the entire city is riddled with security cameras," He talked fast, only stopping to gesture with his eyes to a small, red light in a dark corner. I hadn't noticed it at all. I didn't know we were being watched, either. It gave me the shivers. I hoped they hadn't caught our conversation. They couldn't with all that noise, could they?

"Is that what you and mum talked about when I was out that morning?" I interrupted, and he nodded curtly.

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened," he continued, speaking faster and lower, "and I think that dad might have been involved in something. I need your help. I need you to go home and-" he stopped talking as his eyes locked onto someone. I followed his gaze to a huge, intimidating man coming our way, his hard eyes trained on us. He couldn't have been much older than Nathan, yet still seemed infinitely more dangerous.

"Initiate," he greeted Nathan, who stood ramrod straight. His voice fit his appearance.

"Eric," Nathan greeted back, not looking comfortable at all under his scrutiny.

Eric shifted his icy glare to me. I wanted to slump to the floor and crawl away into the forest of legs, but I remained standing, meeting his eyes. I felt sorry for Nathan for having to deal with him on a daily basis. "You must be the sister," He said, no traceable pleasantness in his words. "Asta, I believe."

I nodded. "How do you like Dauntless, Asta?" He gestured to the walls surrounding us, lifting a pierced eyebrow.

I had trouble finding my voice, and when I finally located it, it was low and scratchy. "Is it always this loud?"

He measured me for a few heartbeats, the corners of his mouth pulling ever so slightly in humour, before answering, "No. This is a quiet day."

"I'll leave you to finish your little chat." He then turned around and left without further notice, and we stood dumbstruck for a moment before Nathan deemed him out of earshot.

"Don't mind him," Nathan consoled. "He's a complete asshole."

"I see they taught you some new words, dear," my mom suddenly said. None of us had noticed her coming up behind us and Nathan jumped comically at her appearance.

"Judging by your eye they taught you not to duck, too," I remarked dryly, coaxing a laugh from both of them. It felt nice to hear mom laugh again.

The walk home with mom that afternoon was, if possible, more quiet than I was used to. My conversation with Nathan kept replaying inside my mind. What did he think dad had done? How could I help him find out? Deciding that dad's study was the best place to start my research, I was only left with one burning question.

How much did mom know?


This is my first serious attempt at fanfiction since my teenage years. Did you love it, or did you find it lacking? Don't hesitate to tell me! I'll try to incorporate feedback in my writing as well as I can.

Thanks for reading!