Fairy Tale Romance

Once upon a time, there was

A princess kind and fair,

With eyes the colour of candyfloss

And silky swirly hair.

So many girls grew fond of her,

And many boys grew fonder,

But no man was quite good enough

For young angelic Wanda.

Once upon a time, there was

A pauper short and dumb.

Spots here, spots there, spots everywhere –

Spots even on his thumb.

The poor lad didn't look like much,

And brains he was without;

They all thought him a fool, and then

His speech removed all doubt.

His mama was a witch, as well –

Her schemes caused much distress.

(But against her son's own idiocy,

She was left powerless!)

Their house was rocked with scandal when

His papa left long ago;

Thus, few girls chose to flock around

That smelly dolt, Cosmo.

Once upon the time, the pauper

Fell in love – and oh!

If you could see the way she looked,

You would not tease him so.

When it came to appearance,

They were hardly on a par:

Her eyes would often twinkle

Like a bright but distant star.

Her smile lit up the darkest rooms,

She carried herself with grace –

Why would this darling look upon

His pimple-besmirched face?

Her hair was like a cinnamon swirl

And rather hypnotising.

He wished that he knew how to bake her

Treats most appetising.

He wished he could write her a song

That wasn't dull or sappy.

He wished he could do everything

That made her truly happy.

He rarely ate and barely slept,

Seeing Wanda and no other.

There was one tiny problem, though:

He still lived with his mother.

Once upon a time, there was

A clingy wicked witch.

She hatched a plan she just knew would

Go off without a hitch.

For years, her boy had been the only

Family she'd ever known.

Her husband fled when Cosmo was born –

The man had no backbone.

She'd raised her son without much help

Since he was just a baby.

She gave him all the love she had

And he returned it – maybe.

But then that princess came along

And started to confuse him.

He shunned his mother for a wench –

She didn't want to lose him.

How dare this siren steal her child!

He was hers and hers alone!

She would not let this foxy lass

Remove her from her throne!

Once upon a time, there was

A clawed and hairy beast,

Caught in a trap when it had tried

To catch its next big feast.

The wicked witch happened upon

This creature in the night.

She took it home and got to work

(For it was quite a sight!)

She set about with eye of newt

And threw it in a potion,

Her goal to make an object that

Was worthy of devotion.

And then the growling writhing thing

Existed no more, since

The witch had turned the beast into

A rather handsome prince.

Once upon a time, the princess

Fell in love – and oh!

She longed to hug the muscly chest

Of great Juandissimo.

She glanced not at that pauper, for

She had been swept away

By compliments and chocolate and

An overflowing bouquet.

He promised he would take her to

His palace made of gold,

Where he could give her so much more –

That is what she was told.

Completely unaware that Cosmo's

Pauper heart was breaking,

She ran off with Prince Charming,

With anticipation quaking.

Once upon a time, the prince

Did pamper his princess.

He promised her the easy life

Without ado or stress.

His home was filled with clothes and books

And ornate, fancy things.

The view was of a garden where

A girl could spread her wings.

Each day, he found a new way to

Showed off his palace grand.

He offered a more detailed tour

And took her slender hand.

But suddenly, the clock struck twelve.

The spell at once was lifted.

The prince leapt back and clutched his head.

His body shook and shifted.

His shaggy hair concealed the snarl

When fangs sprung from his mouth.

He saw pale Wanda, smelt her blood,

And then it all went south.

He lunged and scratched, he lost control,

He ripped apart her face.

Her beauty had been torn to shreds

And agony took its place.

She fled from that huge palace where

She had trustingly slept.

She tore her dress and wrung her hands

And hid her face and wept.

The pauper found her in the woods

And his mind was filled with fears.

His instinct was to rush to her

And wipe away her tears.

The happy princess was no more –

This girl was caked in blood.

He poked around the open wounds

And tried to stem the flood.

But sparks shot from his fingertips;

They made him more alert.

The ghastly gashes disappeared

And so did all the hurt.

He kissed her scars and watched them fade.

He let his feelings slip.

She clung to him, and she would not

Loosen her desperate grip.

They stayed this way for many hours.

Though he could not do much,

He nursed the princess back to health

With every tender touch.

Once upon a time, the princess

Fell in love for real,

For what the pauper lacked in brains,

He made up for with zeal.

On every single date, he found

A new way to alarm her,

But once the storm had passed, he knew

Exactly how to calm her.

They formed a perfect pair; what one

Needed, the other gave.

He thanked her for her patience,

And she told him he was brave.

The couple certainly turned heads,

And many a girl did ponder

The topsy-turvy fairy tale

Of Cosmo and of Wanda.

About that cad Juandissimo

Nobody knew the truth.

When asked, the princess shrugged and said

He'd been a naughty youth.

The beast and witch both disappeared –

The princess didn't mind.

The green-haired pauper made her whole.

Their hearts were intertwined.

The wedding day that followed was

A time for smiles and laughter;

As far as I'm aware, they lived

Happily ever after.