Here I am. Sitting in class. Torn up over some stupid kid who gave me butterflies. I'm holding tears back, avoiding attention. But of course there is always someone who can tell that there's something wrong. Asking me if someone was rude, or if it was about a girl. And that makes it worse.
Because it's never a girl.
It's never over something that someone said.
It's always him. He breaks my heart, wins me over, and repeats. I wonder sometimes that I if I do something differently, maybe if I'm not so caught up, this stupid cycle will stop.
But it doesn't. And never will.
--
"Listen, Im sorry." I pretend not to hear his latest plea of forgiveness and continue to walk away from him. "Marco, babe, Im sorry, I love you."
"Will you just stop?" Im yelling again; telling him I hate him and that its over, but its never over, it only pauses, continuing after a night to ourselves on his couch. Talking, the occasional kiss, then of course, the three words that I use to kill myself over and over again. I forgive you.
--
As much as I enjoy saying that I hate him, I don't. And never will. As many times as I turn around and walk away from another apology, I will always want to turn around and kiss him. Every waking moment of my damn life I'm thinking about him.
I used to wonder what it would be like if I was straight. I wonder, would it be easier? Would I find someone I love as much as him? I don't want to know anymore. As long as I have him for right now, I will be fine. It may seem pathetic on my part, but anyone would understand if they were in my position. Always taking him back, no matter what. But they don't love him like I do. No one will.
--
I am Marco Del Rossi, and I will always be in love with Craig Manning.
