Looking Back

Written by ThE-gEnIuS-hIkArI

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A wise man once told me, "You can't change anything by looking back on it. You need to move forward, and keep going and not regret any decisions for even a moment,"

Wise words. Wise man.

His problem however, was because he lived in a house full of cats, I believed he was going completely barmy. As would most people at fifteen years of age. However, what I mistook for signs of impending madness, was actually a very good piece of advice that I've only recently discovered the truth of.

It's funny. I thought it was just the ramblings of a crazy old fool. Now look who gets the last laugh.

The question here is, moreover, "How did you get to meet such an eccentric man in the first place?". Well, honestly I met him a short while before Seguchi took me to New York. He was one of my father's friends… well, more of a neighbour really. No… not even a neighbour. He lived half-way across town… around the same area where my school was. I'd pass him every morning on the way to school. Usually he'd be sitting outside his house, on the front lawn, in an old wooden rocking chair. He was American, and, admittedly, back then I thought all Americans were slightly… eccentric. My opinion of them hasn't changed that much over the years either.

His name was… oh… the name escapes me. At least his first name does. I remember his second name because whenever I went past his house I'd address him as "Hunter-san". He knew us quite well. Like I said, he was one of my father's friends. He liked to hear me greeting him in the mornings. I guess he thought of it as a sign that he still existed within the world and that he wasn't invisible. Not many people talked to him, you see. He was a religious man, but a bit too religious for the likes of the rest of the world.

Maybe a bit too religious for even my father to handle.

This particular morning, I rode my bike to school. And, as usual, I passed his house on my route to school.

"Good morning Hunter-san!"

He looked up from the spot on the grass he had been staring at, and his eyes met mine.

"Good morning Eiri," he replied. This almost shocked me. When I passed by, he'd usually just grunt a reply. But today he actually called out a 'Good morning' to me. Then he said something I felt was extremely odd and out of character for him.

"Would you come over here please? I would like to talk to you for a bit,"

I stopped pedalling my bike, and he pointed to the space on the grass in front of him. Uneasily, I nodded and did as he asked, placing my bike carefully down on the ground as I went.

"Eiri, I want to give you a piece of advice that I don't want you to forget. Would you like me to tell you what it is?" he asked. The simple answer I wanted to give to that question was "No" because I honestly wanted to get away from this man very quickly. He scared me I suppose. He'd have scared most kids at that age.

I sat there on the grass, fiddling with the bottom of my shirt, and praying to the Buddha he'd just let me get out of here soon. Not that I was anxious about going to school either; I did tend to get bullied a bit. But at that time, I'd rather have been anywhere then where I currently sat.

Hunter-san waited patiently for my answer.

I gulped and nodded slowly. I just wanted him to say what he had to say soon so I could get out of there ASAP.

He smiled down at me and a breeze swept across his front lawn, ruffling my hair as it went past.

"You can't change anything by looking back on it. You need to move forward, and keep going and not regret any decisions for even a moment," he said, closing his eyes. The picture of him as he said that has never left my mind, not once. He looked so peaceful and calm, but his facial expression showed a wisdom that surpassed a thousand millennia. It was almost as if he'd been on the earth since time itself began.

However, this wise expression and these words of wisdom still did not take my attention away from the fact that he was obviously crazy and nearing the end of his sanity.

He lived with a bunch of cats. Most people would believe he was losing it.

After that, I remember getting up off the grass and thanking him for the advice. Then I got back onto my bike and pedalled away once again, heading for school.

Just a week after that incident, Hunter-san died.

It wasn't a mystery how he'd died. We all knew he was getting on well into his eighties and we were sure he wasn't going to live much longer, since he enjoyed his cigars and didn't take much care of himself and his house. We'd always avoided going in there, but according to my father after they'd found him dead in his wooden rocking chair out on the front lawn, they'd gone inside and found the place had been overrun by the cats. Mika had stood outside the whole time while they were looking around.

Apparently, the odour of cat excretion is one she will never be able to forget.

However, still as he passed on to the otherworld I thought of him as the eccentric old man with serious religious beliefs.

A year after that, I would desperately need that advice. However, still being that age, I didn't see the advice's importance.

I only discovered how important it was the other week. The same week that I left for New York. The same week in which he came to get me.

I've tried to shake him off. Heck I've done everything I can think of to get him to stop chasing after me. I came to New York to get away from him. I wanted to get away from him. I thought getting away from him would help me. I thought getting away from him would make things better.

He forced me to confront my past. He forced me to do it so that I could move on.

I'm sure it wasn't done consciously. The brat doesn't think that deeply to actually know what coming to New York in search of me actually showed and proved. But I thought over it when we got back to Japan. I thought over it and I discovered one or two things.

The first thing was that that advice was right. By thinking and regretting my past decisions I wasn't helping anyone, much less myself. In fact I was probably making things worse by looking back and regretting everything I'd done. And it took a pink-haired, stubborn brat to teach me that lesson.

The second thing was that Hunter-san was obviously quite wise, despite those thousands of cats living in his house.

And, looking back now, I can see that none of my decisions were mistakes. None of them were anything to regret. I just did as was needed at the time. There's nothing to regret when it was important for your survival.

And better yet, I can see how important that brat is to me. Without him, I doubt I'd have ever figured out how true those words were. Without him, I doubt I'd ever have learnt what it felt like to love someone again.

Without him… only the Buddha knows where I'd be right now.

I owe him more than I could possibly ever give him… even my life wouldn't be payment enough for what he's done for me.

And yet, he just smiles and asks me to love him forever.

So, I guess that, until that debt I owe you is repaid, I'm his for life.

"You can't change anything by looking back on it. You need to move forward, and keep going and not regret any decisions for even a moment,"

Those words live on.


A/N: That was horrendously long, but I hope it was a change and was interesting to read : ) I felt like I needed a change in the fanfiction department, so I created this fic. When I showed this to my friend Chris, she said she almost cried when she read the bit about Hunter-san dying : ( But I said to her, "But in the end, his soul and legacy lived on, even long after his death,". Hehe : ) And then she gave me a big grin and said I was right : )

Anyway, review… whatever you wanna do. I wrote this for the hell of it. I hate the ending and all, but an Author is usually critical of their own work anyway : )

Take care and Ja ne everyone!

- ThE-gEnIuS-hIkArI -