Yay! My first Ouran fanfic. I thought I'd do something cracktastic. If any of you are old DOTM readers of mine, you'll find this idea very familiar. Well READ & REVIEW!


ProjectOotori has signed on.

The user's narrowed, dark eyes quickly scanned over a list of possible business partners and customers. It had been only been three days ago since his father had given him the honor of surveying and testing the development of the new Ootori computer programming line and he could not disappoint. After some thought, he began to click a random test subject's username, when...

LonelyPrince4U: Omg! Kyouya!

ProjectOotori: I thought I told you never to contact me here.

LonelyPrince4U: :(

ProjectOotori: How did you get this name anyway?

LonelyPrince4U: :-...(

Kyouya pressed 'X'


ProjectOotori: Hello, Mrs. Vanderfield. I hope that you are enjoying your trial of our latest product?

OliviaV: Hello and thank you. It's amazing.

ProjectOotori: Perhaps you wouldn't mind answering a few questions?

OliviaV: Of course, I wouldn't!


LonelyPrince4U: KYOUYA! V.V

ProjectOotori: First, I'll need you to open the main program page.

LonelyPrince4U: What?

ProjectOotori: Go away, Tamaki. I'm busy.

LonelyPrince4U: Ok.

LonelyPrince4U: ...

LonelyPrince4U: Are you still busy?

'X'


ProjectOotori: First, I'll need you to open the main program page.

ProjectOotori: Connect to customer service and I will continue my surveillance from there.

OliviaV: Alright.


LonelyPrince4U: I am soooooo bored.

LonelyPrince4U: All the maids went home and they took Antionette to the vet for a check up today so I've been working on my faces.

ProjectOotori: For the club?

LonelyPrince4U: No these: ;-)

LonelyPrince4U: -.-'

LonelyPrince4U: :-O

LonelyPrince4U: (-.-)

LonelyPrince4U: What do you think?

LonelyPrince4U: I think the last one looks like Haruhi.

LonelyPrince4U: It has her hair.

LonelyPrince4U: And that expression she has whenever she looks at daddy!

LonelyPrince4U: Kyouya?

LonelyPrince4U: Are you even listening to me?

ProjectOotori: Press ALT/ F4.

LonelyPrince4U has signed off.


He figured that idiot would press it repeatedly. Kyouya returned to his work.


WholeLottaWoman: Kyouya-kuuun!

ProjectOotori: Hello, Ranka-san. How are you?

WholeLottaWoman: I just got off work! I'm so tired! :( And Haruhi is being mean to meeee!

ProjectOotori: How cruel. Perhaps I should increase her debt?

WholeLottaWoman: Ohohohohoho, Kyouya! You always know how to cheer me up.

ProjectOotori: Anytime. But I really have to be going. I'm quite busy at the moment.

WholeLottaWoman: Awww, Kyouya-kuuuun. Tell me how the club has been going lately. Has that idiot president been molesting my poor Haruhi?

ProjectOotori: No, nothing out of the ordinary. But I really do have to be going.

WholeLottaWoman: I keep trying to set a screen name up for Haruhi, but she thinks she doesn't need one.

WholeLottaWoman: Maybe you can help convince her!

WholeLottaWoman has signed off.


The dark haired boy shrugged and returned to business. Just when it seemed as if everything had returned to normal...


HunnyBun1: Kyo-chaaaaaaaan!

"For the love of God..."

ProjectOotori: Hello Hani-senpai. How did you come across this screen name?

HunnyBun1: Tama gave it to me.

HunnyBun1: He sent it to everyone!

ProjectOotori: fgjnd!ij!ohoidhe9g

HunnyBun1: Huh?

ProjectOotori: Sorry. I dropped my notebook on the keyboard.

ProjectOotori: Was there something you wanted to discuss, Hani-senpai?

HunnyBun1: There hasn't been enough chocolate cake on hand lately.

HunnyBun1: Cake is a serious matter, you know.

ProjectOotori: You want several chocolate cakes, but you also suggested banana, strawberry, vanilla, 7-up, carrot, coffee, caramel, kiwi, lime, lemon, and Oreo among others. You understand that we run on a budget, Hani-senpai?

HunnyBun1: You can never have too much cake!

HunnyBun1 has invited you to a private chat.

'Accept'


In the room 'CAKE': HunnyBun1, WildType, and ProjectOotori.

WildType: Hi.

ProjectOotori: Mori-senpai, I presume?

WildType: The cake. Buy more.

ProjectOotori: If I do, will you leave me to my work?

HunnyBun1: Yes.

WildType: Yeah.

ProjectOotori: Fine.

HunnyBun1: :-) THANK YOU, KYO-CHAAAAN!

WildType: Thnx.

HunnyBun1 has left the room.

WildType has left the room.

'X'


ProjectOotori is Away.


Some time later...


Haruhi10: Hi, Kyouya-senpai. Sorry about my dad. I pulled the plug so that he'd leave you alone.

Away Message: ProjectOotori is away.

ProjectOotori: I thought you didn't use instant messaging, Haruhi.

Haruhi10: I signed up so my dad would leave me alone about it. But now he thinks my screen name is too plain.

Haruhi10: Just please don't tell Tamaki-senpai.

ProjectOotori: I won't.

Haruhi10: And also, Kyouya-senpai, I have a question.

ProjectOotori: Yes?

Haruhi10: Are you really increasing my debt or was that just a joke?

ProjectOotori: I was just humoring your father.

ProjectOotori: But if you continue bothering me despite my blatant away message, I may consider it.

Haruhi10 has signed off.


LonelyPrince4U: KYOUYA! :ROAR:

LonelyPrince4U: It took me forever to restart!

ProjectOotori: Not long enough.

ProjectOotori: And your computer can't possibly be that slow.

LonelyPrince4U: I got distracted by this AMZING game called Stepmania!

LonelyPrince4U: This is what commoners use when they can't afford actual dance games!

ProjectOotori: Leave me alone, Tamaki. I'll talk to you when I'm finished.

LonelyPrince4U: No, you won't. You said that last time! You're just gonna sign off!

ProjectOotori: How did you get this name anyway?

LonelyPrince4U: My dad's friend, Olivia, told me.

"..."

LonelyPrince4U: So I think we should cosplay NINJAS next week!

'BLOCK'


Kyouya sighed and returned his attentions back to a certain traiterous customer.


ProudFather22: You think you're slick don't you?!

ProudFather22: Blocking me like that?

ProudFather22: Well, I saw right through it!

ProjectOotori: I have to be going now.

'BLOCK'


DaddyLovesHaru: Ninjas would be so much fun!

ProjectOotori: How many of those do you have?

ProjectOotori: And no.

DaddyLovesHaru: Please? O.O

ProjectOotori: Puppy dog eyes don't work where the internet is concerned, Tamaki.

DaddyLovesHaru: WHY?!

ProjectOotori: Because we're already cosplaying pirates, remember? That was your idea too. I even bought the costumes.

DaddyLovesHaru: We can cosplay pirates the week after next!

ProjectOotori: I've already made arrangements. The final answer is No.

Away Message: DaddyLovesHaru is in his corner.

ProjectOotori: Stay there.

Away Message: DaddyLovesHaru is in his corner.

'BLOCK'


HarusPapa: Kyouya!

ProjectOotori: You do realize that all three of your last screen names have acknowledged Haruhi in some way, don't you?

HarusPapa: Well, DUH, Kyouya! She's my daughter!

HarusPapa: But there are more pressing matters at hand!

HarusPapa: THOSE DELINQUENT TWINS ARE TALKING TO HARUHI!

ProjectOotori: Ah.

HarusPapa: They're probably filling her head with all sorts of CRAZY, VILLAINOUS NONSENSE!

ProjectOotori: Ah.

HarusPapa: I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HARUHI POSSESSED A COMPUTER!

ProjectOotori: Ah.

HarusPapa: Those mischievous twins must have bought her one. Yes!

ProjectOotori: Ah.

HarusPapa: As her parents, we MUST stop this RIGHT NOW!

ProjectOotori: Ah.

HarusPapa: O.O

HarusPapa: KYOUYA!

HarusPapa: Have you been reading ANYTHING I've been saying?!

ProjectOotori: Ah.

HarusPapa: GO BACK!

HarusPapa: GO BACK AND READ IT ALL NOW!

'BLOCK'


OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: I have a plan!

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: We'll create our OWN FAMILY chatroom and convince Haruhi to chat with us instead! LOL!

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: I even made a name for you, mom! It's OperationMommySaveHaruhi.

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: The password is 'kumachan' ;-)

ProjectOotori: If you think I'm using that screen name, you're even more of an idiot than I thought.

ProjectOotori: And besides, we don't have her screen name.

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: Don't you? Those twins said she spoke to you on here earlier.

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: What were you talking about btw?

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: I hope it was mommy appropriate?!

ProjectOotori: Calm down. We were only discussing her debt.

ProjectOotori: And I forgot the name.

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: HOW COULD YOU FORGET?!

ProjectOotori: See you tomorrow, Tamaki.

OperationDaddySaveHaruhi: HOW COULD YOU FORGET YOUR OWN DAUGHTER'S SCREEN NAME?!

ProjectOotori has signed off.

The rest of his customers would have to wait. Kyouya removed his eyeglasses and leaned back into the computer chair, his head swimming with the all too contagious delirium that Tamaki often emanated. He sighed as the hysteria passed and began to contemplate a proper- and more difficult to remember- screen name. This was the last time he was letting this happen. Or so he hoped.


Well, that's Kyouya's chapter. What did you like? What did you NOT like? And whose chapter should be next? Thanks for reading!