(To start, I apologise for my long silence, I've been having computer problems that refuse to go away! Anyway, this is a story I finished recently, when my Girlfriend called Sirius "Punk Puppy Padfoot. In a way, and this is gonna sound ridiculously cheesy, but I dedicate this to them and their ever growing list of Sirius Black head cannons! Anyway, ENJOY!)
Remus and Peter sat opposite each other with a Chess Board between them. They were on their third game of wizard chess and Remus was winning. There was an intense silence between the two, broken only by the sound of the small pieces beating each other over the head. Eventually, Remus cracked his muscles and sat back.
"Wormtail, any idea where Padfoot and Prongs are?" He asked.
"I heard they were in detention with McGonagall again, but it was over ages ago." Peter muttered.
Remus sighed and shrugged. It wasn't a rare occurrence for James and Sirius to disappear after detention, but they never normally took this long. Just as he started getting worried, the portrait swung open and the two stepped through. They seemed to be in the middle of a heated discussion.
"Punk puppy padfoot! That is literally what you are!" James laughed.
"Shut up im not a puppy. I'm a ferocious beast. How dare you insult how punk I am! I am the punk-est prongs, you're a fucking deer!"
Remus and Peter shared a look, then sighed. The two of them often had arguments where one had done something to batter the others ego. It didn't really worry them anymore though. They'd end up hugging it out later, so the boys went back to their game.
"Ferocious as in, likes to cuddle Remus in the middle of the night when you think no one's looking? Oh yeah, very ferocious, I'm trembling!"
"At least I'm not a fucking deer. That's all I'm saying!"
"What's wrong with being a deer? I have swords on the top of my fucking head!"
"They're not swords! They're sticks - graceful James prancing around the forest with his sticks!"
"Oh yeah, you'll be laughing when I skewer you on the end of one!"
"I'd like to see you try!"
By then, Remus was getting tired of their bickering. From the sounds of it they'd been doing this all the way from detention. That being said, it was still getting annoying. He didn't normally get involved with their petty fights, but maybe saying something will shut them up. Without looking away from the game, he sighed.
"You do realise that I could kill both of you within a second, just reminding you."
Neither seemed affected by what he'd said, which was a little disappointing.
"Yes Remus we're aware. The real question is whether a dog could kill a deer!" Sirius moaned.
"Probably. There are dogs that were trained to hunt foxes and deer." Remus explained.
"Moony!" James sounded hurt.
"I told you Prongs!"
"Yes, but remember the word 'trained'. I doubt you're trained to take on a fully grown deer."
"I'm trained in all things, I span many genres they call me the 'genre spanner'!"
Remus and Peter struggled to contain their laughter, burying their head in their hands to avoid Sirius' glare.
"Name one person who has EVER called you the genre spanner?" James rolled his eyes.
"Myself!"
That was the last straw for Peter. His giggles escaped through his lips and his hand, then turned into fits of laughter. Remus tried to silence him, while failing at hiding his own amusement.
"You don't count you moron!"
"Yes I do. I am most definitely the most important!"
"Maybe in your head." James muttered.
"Its true!"
"Guys, guys! How about, we say that you could easily kill each other! Fair?" Remus gasped, trying to breath through the aching pains in his ribs.
James and Sirius stared at each other for a second, before giving up and pulling each other into a bro hug. Peter at this point slipped off of his chair and lay on the floor in a ball, holding his ribs as tear streamed down his cheeks.
