Sometimes, It's Just Us
Thank you.
Sometimes, she likes to think that she's important to him. That if he woke up one morning, without her by his side he'd miss her. Not that he'd pull out a search or anything...but she'd like to think she warrants at least a phone call. A simple, "Hey, I didn't see you this morning. Are you okay?" Or even less. But something at least.
She likes to pretend that the steak dinners and the way he watches her isn't because he's hungry, not because he's playing a role when they're out in public (though she knows he sort of is because there's a fine line between total jackassery and the lovable ass hattery that he masterfully bends to his will). She likes to think that it's not just a way to replenish her blood cells, that sometimes she's just a girl with stars in her eyes and he's the guy that put them there.
What for?
The worst part is that sometimes it works. Sometimes its just them. Andie and Damon, Damon and Andie laying on his bed talking about anything. Her work, his Elena troubles. Bones (the tv show that he only grudgingly admits he watches because according to him, "It's a little much to wait six seasons for the inevitable.") or wherever the conversation goes. In those moments she can pretend.
Thank you for reminding me I'm not special.
But inevitably the other shoe drops. Stefan and Elena. Elena and Stefan. Stelena, the dark cloud that hangs, ever present, over her parade. Stefan is tolerable if annoying. His hero-complex really is almost as over-developed as Damon says, though she wonders how much the older brother had to do with that. Really though, it's kind of sweet he lobbies for her, "Damon she is not a chew toy!" and he does make a delicious pasta, even if it's all done with a disapproving, if concerned air. The Stefan part of the equation is fine. The Elena part is what gets to her. Because as close as she is to Damon, Elena is closer. She is in his heart and in his mind and he will die for her. He's said as much. And she hates it. It hurts to watch them together. To watch what even the mention of her name evokes in him because those are the moments that get stuck in her mind for days. How for every smirk he tosses her way, Elena gets a genuine smile, even though she never sees it.
You don't even see what you do to me.
The simple truth is she will never mean half as much to him as Elena does and as sweet as he is to her, Elena, his true love, gets his passion. Elena gets the hate and the fear and the anger, the full force of his emotions (even if he'll never show her). And it fucking sucks because as she examines the bloody mess Damon's made of her throat in her bathroom mirror, she can still see his eyes, eyes that for the first time actually registered something for her. Some of that passion and it wasn't for Elena. It was for her, for Andie.
Sometimes, she thinks reaching for the gauze, that maybe, in time, she could be someone that was important to him, that she could make it on that list of people he would die to protect but as she lays in bed that night, with her back towards the phone (she knows won't ring), she remembers the look in his eyes as he'd told her to leave. Pain. Desperation. Hunger. Fear. And none of it, not one bit of it was for her.
In the morning she checks her phone. 0 messages.
Even the moments I think are ours, it's just... you working to get what you want.
He calls her, nearly a month later and instinctively she knows its not for any sort of apology. "I need a favor." She's right.
Soooooooo watcha think? Like it? Hmmmm? No? Yes? Review and tell me.
Quotes are from Louisa and Guido Contini in the movie Nine
Oh and the favor was the whole break into Alaric's apartment thing.
