I turn and press my back to the cool tile wall and let the shower wash over my head down to my toes. I can see that my skin is turning red and pruney, and my attempt at purifying myself in scalding water and lots of soap is failing. I knew it would, it never works. I still feel dirty, I still feel used, and I swear I can still smell him on me...

The familiar scent of exotic spice, smoke and sake haunts me even after he has long since left me. I can still taste him in my mouth, and feel his hands on every part of my body.

I slam the knob to the shower in anger and throw open the curtain. I stomp out into my tub and into my bedroom, not even bothering to towel off. The air is cold on my wet skin, but I'm too distracted to notice. I stare down at the offending crime scene in front of me... my bed.

The bottom sheet has come undone from one of the top corners and the burnt orange comforter is tangled and twisted into knots with the baby blue top sheet. This would be the only evidence of the events that took place here last night, for he never leave any remnants of himself behind.

I want to throw myself on the bed and feel for anything that would remind me of him, the warmth of his body, the scent of him left behind, the feel of the carnal pleasures he never fails to give me... but I don't. \

This has got to stop.

I lift the bottom sheet off the bed and rip everything off the bed in a fit of angst and rage, and only when every tainted object has been thrown to the floor, do I allow myself to lay myself on the bed. I stare up at the ceiling above me and try to hypnotize the thought of him out of my head by starting at the lazily rotating ceiling fan.

It of course does not work either. I can never get him out of my mind. Even in the week or so after one of our random rendezvous, I would give up on any chance on seeing him again and be ready to accept the fact that he has forgotten about me, and then he'll show up. Usually slightly drunk, and always himself, he knocks on my door, or more recently he somehow is able to get into my apartment without anyone's help, and he will proceed to, for lack of a better phrase, rock my world. He never says a word other than to order me to do something dirty, but in the silent moments after our trysts he always wraps his arms around me and holds me tight against him until I fall asleep.

And, as always, when I wake, even in the still dim hours of the morning, he is gone.

I shiver as I lie naked on the stripped bed and curl up into a ball and close my eyes. Thoughts of the first time he graced my door step flood back to me.

That day the whole gang was together. Blitz ball always brought every one together, even after SIN was defeated. I of course, now play for the AlBhed Phyces and Yuna and the rest of the bunch

always came out to watch, even Auron...

Him and I never had much interaction since he, like Tidus, washed up on the beach of Besaid from the farplane, with no explanation other than, "They said it was only fair..."

Other than our light bickering, and me and Tidus making fun of him for always being such a spoil sport, our conversations were limited to him giving me orders and to chastise me for being childish. That day was no different.

The team had lost, but everyone was in good spirits. As usual we all met up at a small pub not too far from where I lived in Luca to wind down and get drunk on spiced beer and of course Sake. Even Lulu and Wakka came out, having a baby sitter for the night, and Tidus had coerced Auron to attend under the stipulations that Tidus would need someone to take care of Yuna when he was too shit faced to take care of even himself...

As usual Auron perched himself in a corner booth and stayed out of any human interaction other than to grumble something incoherent when Tidus started showing his ass (Tidus could not hold his alcohol very well).

Something was slightly off though. I swore I could feel him looking at me, but when I would glance his way, his eyes would be closed and partially hidden by his sunglasses perched on the end of his nose.

Gippal had been flirting mercilessly with me all night as we sat at the bar, but it was harmless... We both knew that him and I were too much alike to be compatible, plus the fact that if my father ever happened to find out, Gippal would die painfully. My dad didn't like any guy that tried to get with me on general principals, but my dad hated Gippal with an extra passion for some reason we could never discern. It had been like that since we were kids.

In any case, it was noticeable to anyone (sober) that Gippal and I were flirting extra hard tonight, right down to the way his hand would "accidentally" brush up my thigh or when I would lean

into him and whisper stupid gibberish into his ear.

As the night wound down, Tidus had been carried out and to the Celsius by Wakka and one of the other Blitzers from my team, and Yuna was leaning heavily on Paine eyes half closed. Gippal had left not too long before back to Djose and I politely declined his invitation to "take the party back to his place." I sat there making small talk with Lulu, with Yuna chiming in at random intervals with incoherent mumbling about something or other.

Auron came over to our table, "You should probably get Yuna back to the ship and home" He said to no one inparticular.

Lulu nodded, "Yes, I agree, I believe the night has come to a close..."

Paine stood up and grabbed Yuna's arm before she could fall over in the booth. I giggled, "do you want some help getting the high priestess back to the ship."

Paine shook her head, "I think me and Lu can handle it..."

Lulu leaned down in front of Yuna, who wasn't so much drunk, as she was sleepy, "Yuna it's time to go home, can you stand and walk on your own."

Yuna nodded and stood up using Paine's arm as an anchor. Lulu caught her around the waist and helped her stabilize her.

Yuna looked at me and smiled sheepishly, "Come visit soon, okay Rikku?"

I smiled back and nodded, "Sure thing!"

And with that they left, leaving me sitting there staring at my almost empty glass of spice beer and Auron still standing there.

I could feel him shift next to me and glance my way, "Do you need assistance in getting home?"

I looked up at him and thought a moment, "Uh, no... I should be okay. My place isn't too far."

"Are you sure? It is late and you should not be alone on the streets, there are many men who would take advantage of a beautiful girl walking home alone half drunk."

I don't know why the next words came out of my mouth, "Like you?" I said smiling. Sure I had always had a crush on Auron... I mean who wouldn't! Look at him, all muscle with eyes that seemed to pierce stone.

I swear he blushed, "Rikku..." he started

I stood up, "I'll be okay Auron, I'm a big girl, and I've dealt with much worse things than horny old men looking for a piece of something young..." I said patting my sides where I kept my blades still.

Auron let put his distinct, "Humph." and began walking towards the door.

"Thank you though!" I called after him.

He stopped and turned his head giving me a slight nod and continued out the door.

I stood there for a moment chewing on my lip and looked around, the place was pretty much empty with the exception of a few regulars still at the bar watching the sphere.

I let out a sigh and figured it best I get home as well. Auron was right, I shouldn't be alone walking the streets at night. As I stepped onto the street I looked around. Auron was no where to be found and the streets were pretty much empty.

I began my short trek home, and as I predicted, got there without event.

I didn't even bother turning on any lights, the dim light from the fish tank was enough to light the way though my apartment and to my bedroom. I unhooked my utility belt with my blades and let it fall to the floor just before my knees hit the edge of the bed. I threw myself down on the mattress and wrapped myself up tight in the comforter. Somewhere along the line I managed to kick off my shoes and shed myself of my skirt, leaving me only in my bikini top and bottoms...

I don't know how long I laid there, but right as I was on the edge of sleep where your dreaming, and you know your dreaming, I was shocked out of the haze by a loud knock on my front door.

"Go away..." I mumbled rolling over and snuggling down further into the blankets.

It was a few more moments of silence, and the knock was louder this time.

I growled and threw the blankets off of me and stomped out of my bedroom though the living room to the front door. I stopped with my hand on the door knob realizing that I wasn't really properly dressed to open the door to confront my annoying visitor. The knock came again, and I didn't care, I just wanted to get rid of whoever was on the other side of that door.

I threw open the door and it hit the wall with a loud thud. I didn't even care if it left a hole, "What the hell do yo-" I stopped mid sentence when I saw it was Auron.

We both stood there for a moment, me in confusion and Auron, stoic as usual, but I could feel his eyes. Granted I was in fact half naked there in front of him, but I was suddenly very insecure.

"Uh...Auron what are-" I was stopped mid sentence again as Auron shoved me into the house slamming the door behind him and slamming me into the wall next to us. My heart was racing and I didn't know what to do, I couldn't tell if I was scared or excited.

He stared down at me with a look in his eye I had never seen before, at least not directed at me... Something between rage and lust and everything in between.

He growled, "Not safe with me..." He said almost too quietly for me to even hear, and he slammed his lips down on mine. I could taste the Sake on his tongue as he forced himself into my mouth. I didn't fight back, but I didn't move. I was shocked beyond all reasoning and was afraid that if I moved he would stop.

He pushed me harder into the wall coercing me into making some sort of move. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself tighter against him. I pressed myself into the hard lines of his body and I could feel him pressing against my thigh. I moaned in the kiss. I wasn't a virgin by any means, but it had been a long time since I had been with another guy and it was never like this. I never imagined that someone could ignite a fire like this within me.

His hands ran down my sides and around the curve of my butt. I let him lift me up and I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer to my fire. I moaned again as I could feel him solidly pressed against my core.

He pulled away from the kiss finally and nipped at my lip as he did so. I groaned wanting more, afraid that he was going to stop and disappear, "Bedroom?" Was all he said.

I pointed to hall way on the other side of the living room, "last door on the left..." I replied breathlessly. His lips found my neck as he began to devour me nipping and sucking in all the right places to make me cry out. Still somehow he managed to carry me to the bedroom and throw me on the bed without looking up.

I felt like I was going crazy. All inhibitions were out the window, and there was no thought on my mind other than him and I and what he was doing to me and what he was about to do to me. I laid there waiting for him to join me. At some point when I was lost in though he had completely undressed. I laid there speechless as he stood over me. Gone were all the clothes and things he used to hide himself from the rest of the world, and all that was left was a beautiful, beautiful man who wanted to do dirty things to me. I reached down to untie my bikini bottoms, but he grabbed my hands and pinned them over my head. I wiggled my hips into him urging him to go faster, but he growled and pressed his lips against me... It was silent warning that he was in control... I think that excited me more than anything.

As the night pressed on, over and over again I was pulled into the fire with him. Only when we both were exhausted and couldn't move did we fall to the bed, breathing heavily still wrapped in each other. I closed my eyes with a smile on my face and that was the last thing I remembered.

When I woke the next morning, I was shivering. I rolled over looking for his warmth, but he was gone. The only indication that it was not a dream was the soreness between my legs and the various bruises on my body. I must have laid there for hours replaying the entire night in my head. How did that even happen! What did it mean? I was so confused...

I didn't see him or hear anything from him for a week. It was only because I went to Besaid that I finally ran into him as he and Tidus were sparring on the beach. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how I felt. My heart was racing, and I guess I was hurt, but I still wanted him. I wanted him to see me and take me right there in the sand, I didn't care who saw.

When he finally did see me, it was nothing out of the ordinary. He looked at me for a moment and then turned and walked away. I didn't know what to do. What was I suppose to say to him? Did he even remember that night? Was he that drunk? He didn't even say hello.

The rest of that day and on into the evening I was extremely uncomfortable around him. I didn't even want to be on the same island with him, much less the same hut. As we all sat there eating dinner in Yuna and Tidus' hut everyone else was normal. Yuna and Lulu both had questioned me about my abnormally quite deminor that evening, but I claimed I didn't know what they were talking about while purposely avoiding Auron's gaze.

After dinner I left. I opted to take a ferry back to Luca instead of the Celsius. I needed some time to think on things and the cool sea breeze was sure to do me some good. Plus, by the time I got home I knew that I would be exhausted. I could do right to sleep instead of tossing and turning and dwelling on the days events.

Oh boy how I was wrong.

Almost as soon as my head hit the pillow there was a loud knock on the front door. I threw the pillow over my head and growled. Who did he think he was! The knock came again. I continued to lay there, hoping that he would just go away... But there was a part of me... In fact, it was actually most of me... wanted to go to the door and let him have his way with me over and over, just like that first extremely confusing, yet gratifying night.

And that's just what I did...

And that's just the way it has been since that night. It would be weeks without a word, then all of the sudden one night, there he would be.

It was killing me, yet, I don't know what I would do without it at this point. It gives me something to look forward to. I feel more alive when I'm with him, more so thank I ever did on one of my random adventures.

I sigh heavily and lift myself off the bed. I pass up my garment gird for the day and opt to dress myself the old fashioned way. I select something more conservative than my usual thief attire, covering the light fingerprint bruises on my thighs with a pair of tight olive green pants and select a bright yellow tank top to match. I grab my normal scarf to cover the small bite marks on my neck. To accessorize I slip on a pair of olive green arm warmers and black buckle cuffs that fasten over the arm warmers up to my elbow.

To finish it off I grab my utility belt where I keep my Gil and slip on a pair of black buckle up boots. Satisfied that I didn't look like a domestic abuse victim, I leave my hair down letting the waives of beads and braids run down my back.

I decide to treat myself to some shopping, there's nothing like a little retail therapy. Then maybe later I would call Brother and make a trip Home to check up on Pop, and see how all the renovations were going. I could spend a few days out there in Bikanel to take my mind off things. The desert always made me happy... After all it was my natural habitat.

With much resolve I plaster a smile on my face and step outside in the beautiful Luca weather.