Disclaimer: I don't own the show. If I did, Lexie would probably still be alive.
Author's Note: I realize I'm a little late to the Grey's Anatomy party, but I just started watching some of it recently. I immediately fell in love with the character of Lexie, and her relationship with Meredith gave me ridiculous amounts of inspiration. So this story was born. It came from a combination of wishing the Grey sisters had gotten more scenes together and feeling like Meredith would beat herself up for not being there when Lexie died. This story was inspired by the song "Times" by Tenth Avenue North, which lists a series of specific instances. The chapter titles of this story will each be loose interpretations of the lyric that inspired that particular chapter. Also, I listen to a lot of music while I write, so I've decided to include the names of key songs that influenced a certain chapter's tone in case people want to listen to those. I think that covers all the logistics... I hope you enjoy the story!
Musical Inspiration: "See You Again" by Charlie Puth
The Funeral (Part I)
Lexie's funeral is a simple affair. She would've wanted it that way. Almost the entire hospital staff shows up at the cemetery that morning. There's even a handful of Derek's more recent patients who live in the area and want to be here to honor the kind doctor who helped them through. It's a testament to Lexie that she touched so many lives. The one that really blows Meredith's mind is the young woman from Australia who somehow heard about the crash and flew all the way across the world just to be here. Cristina quietly explains to Meredith that the woman was in a serious accident a few years ago and the recovery process was so intense that she wanted to die. What convinced her to keep living was Lexie's friendship. Now there's a wedding ring on her left hand and a tiny toddler in her arms.
Most of the short service goes by in a blur. A pastor April knows gives a sweet speech that makes several people tear up, but to Meredith it's all just empty words. He didn't even know Lexie. He can talk all day about how kind she was and how much she'll be missed, but none of it means anything because he didn't actually know her.
Soon enough the service is over and the casket is buried in the ground. Then the hard part begins. Everyone wants to hug Meredith and tell her how sorry they are. Bailey takes Zola off on a walk so Meredith can focus on the faces. But most of them just say the same thing. Lexie meant so much to them, and they're so sorry for Meredith's loss. Over and over and over.
One of the people that does stand out is Clara, the woman from Australia. There are tears in her eyes as she introduces Meredith and Derek to her young son. His name is Alex. Clara tells them that she knows he won't remember today when he gets older, but she wanted to be sure he got the chance to meet his namesake. After she walks away, it takes a good five minutes before Meredith can speak again.
Gradually the river of mourners dies down until there's only family left standing in front of the tombstone. Thatcher is here and perfectly sober, along with his girlfriend. (Lexie would've loved that.) Molly and Eric have flown in with little Laura, who will be old enough to start school next year. She's too young to truly understand what death means, but she's still very solemn as she looks down at her aunt's gravestone. Thatcher and Molly are both crying freely. Meredith isn't sure she could work up any tears even if she wanted to. She cried herself out in the woods and then again in the hospital, and she hasn't been able to do it since.
After an appropriately respectful amount of time, Thatcher's little clan pulls itself together and heads back to his house. Meredith and Derek are invited to join them, but Meredith politely declines. Jackson and Webber have organized a commemorative dinner for the hospital staff, and they've already agreed to attend. Lexie would've been okay with that. Besides, while Thatcher and Molly may have been Lexie's family, they're not Meredith's and they probably never will be. Not like Lexie was. It's not that Meredith doesn't like them. That's just how things are.
Finally it's just Meredith and Derek standing there. Together they stare down at the ground that now holds Lexie's broken body.
"She would've liked this spot," Derek says quietly.
It's true. There's carefully manicured grass growing all around the well-kept graves, and a tiny walkway runs through the rows. Large, shady trees grow here and there. But the plot where they've laid Lexie to rest is out in the open where the sun can shine on it all day long.
"I should've been there," Meredith says quietly. "She was being crushed by a plane, and I just left her there alone."
Derek reaches over and takes her left hand in his good one.
"She wasn't alone," he tells her. "She died holding the hand of the man she loved. She would've been okay with that."
"She was my little sister," Meredith says with an angry shake of her head. "I was supposed to take care of her."
"You left her in the care of two of the most talented doctors I know," Derek says. "Her injuries were just too severe. There was nothing you could've done for her."
"I could've been there," Meredith insists. "She needed me, and I wasn't there."
"You were there," Derek says. Meredith looks over at him in confusion, so he explains. "You were there for her for five years. Every moment you spent with Lexie was you being there. Every time you reached out, every time you hugged her or talked with her or had her back, you were there."
"But I wasn't there when it mattered," Meredith says, turning back to the grave in front of her.
"It all mattered to Lexie," Derek says quietly. "Every single moment she had with you mattered to her. The one thing Lexie wanted most in this world was to have a relationship with her big sister. And you gave her that. You were there for her, Meredith. And she knew it."
He's right, of course. Lexie wouldn't blame Meredith for what happened, and she wouldn't want Meredith to blame herself either. She would want Meredith to move on.
"I'll give you a minute," Derek says. "Take your time."
He gives Meredith's hand a final squeeze before letting go. Meredith stares silently down at Lexie's name on the stone as Derek walks back across the grass toward the path. She can't bring herself to leave just yet, but she doesn't really know what to do here either.
She's still trying to figure it out when she remembers a conversation she and Lexie once had about Susan's death. Lexie had been missing her mother, and Meredith had given her a piece of advice.
"Every time it hits you that she's gone, try and remember something good that you had because of her. It won't make it stop hurting, but it will make you glad for the time you had."
If Lexie were standing here right now, Meredith has a feeling that she would say something similar. She wouldn't want Meredith to focus on her death. Instead, Lexie would tell her to remember the good. To relish every single moment of those five years that they had together. And right now, that's the only way Meredith can think of to honor her sister.
She closes her eyes and lets the memories of Lexie wash over her.
This is my first time writing for this show, so please take a few seconds to leave a quick review letting me know what you thought. It will seriously make my day. I'll try to post the next chapter in the next couple days, so keep an eye out. And as you may have noticed, this prologue is Part I. We'll be coming back to this scene at the very end of the story to wrap it up, so keep it in the back of your mind. Thanks for reading!
