Motherly Advice

Dibs mother always told him to be unique but with this statement she damned her child.

AN: I written fics before and always felt I was a failure but maybe Ill do better with a drabble styles my best friend XxBlackChaosxX wrote an excellent Bartimaeus fic on Ptomeley and Bartimaeus so Im hoping I also exceed in the category, review and you receive a moose plushie! Hope you like it- Sanishal

You told me many things before you left this Earth mom. I've dutifully followed your advice in the memory of how much I loved you, how wise and beautiful and caring you were. One piece of advice in particular perplexed me yet I still followed it in blind trust. The advice was to be myself and believe and express myself in all ways possible and to ignore others thoughts of me because my family would always love me, … no matter what. What an injustice was committed against me when I discovered it to not be in any way true. I would always draw you pictures of all the amazing things Id hoped to see, to experience. I wanted to believe in the unique, the strange, another world to fill this monotonous life on Earth. At first you would smile brightly kissing my face, smiling and complementing me, occasional whispers of I love you. And it was then when I feel accepted, loved no matter what I believed and how I felt. That only made me fall harder when you committed suicide. I had been the one to find you, your eyes wide, and wrists red with blood. Your amethyst hair fanned beneath you and crimson blood staining the white tiles of the bathroom you always worked tediously to keep clean. I hadn't realized then you were dead, I had shook your hand but you wouldn't awaken. An hour later I was found by Gaz hysterically crying over my mothers body asking repeatedly why she had left if she loved me, if she had ever loved me at all. My world shattered that day and further fractures continued to break my world. I believed and I was punished severely for years. My peers rejected me and so did my own father. I was merely dubbed the insane boy and left alone and avoided. People hated me for being different for not believing what they believed. Throughout the taunts and struggles I remembered your musical voice and caring amber eyes Mommy. I knew I would get proof one day. Being myself and abandoning all facades made me feel good about myself, to know I was the only kid in the class not lying to themselves. But being unique takes its toll. But now sometimes there are days when their glares, their harsh words outweigh the feeling of complete truth and knowing that if somebody loved me it would be for who I am not who I pretended to be. Now the combination of your memory, the proof that's resides in that malevolent glowing green house, and the acceptance as a worthy rival are the only things the keep me alive and I will cling to them to the death, because without you and Zim I have no reason to live.

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