Note: Okay, I apparently can't stop even though I should. Once again, here's another chapter
What I Want Is You: Chapter Three:
Jane's POV:
Smirking is something I love doing. It's so rare that I do it too. Usually I'm glaring dangerously or scowling. Usually I don't have a reason to show any other look. The only times in the past when I've had anything even remotely close to a smile while being a vampire, is when I'm either torturing someone or with my brother Alec and Aro, my master.
And yet I can't help but almost smile in triumph at the memory of how Bella's voice wavered the last time she said that she would resist me always. I know, I know that every time I come to her, every time we spend the days and nights together…..I can tell…..I'm wearing down on her resistance.
She wants to remain virtuous and moral. And I realize that that's all the more reason why I love her so.
She's such a contradiction, isn't she? She's so willful and yet there's such a temptation in her to break. She's so innocent. Yet I can see the vice. I can see the desire to destroy and tempt. She was practically the reincarnation of Eve herself. No, no, that's not right. Eve gave in so easily to the serpent. Eve could never be so tempting. Eve more than easily gave into temptation. She was worthless.
Bella….No, she is far superior to any and all religious and mythological beings. Her resistance to all temptations and the desires she holds to do good is so great, and yet the desire to cause damage and corrupt is almost palpable.
She truly wants to be a good "person," and please her family; the Cullen vampire coven. She has such a guilty conscience, it's not even funny.
But then, there's that other part that makes me feel that if I were still alive, my heart would skip a beat at the thought of. It is very true, she is virtuous and wants to continue to be virtuous, but at the same time, she wants to hurt people. She wants to sleep around with dozens of vampires. She wants to rip the throats out of dozens of humans, specifically the wolf-shifter humans.
Bella will of course deny that she has such thoughts. She'll deny that she wants to be sexually ravaged by many vampires, both male and female vampires alike. She'll deny that she'll want to rip out Jacob Black's throat and heart with her bare hands.
And it makes me grin even wider at the thought of how much she would deny those truths about herself.
I also smirk at times when I think about her and my relationship. She'll deny that as well of course. Oh will she deny it! And of course that idiot of a vampire, Edward Cullen will believe it in a second. He'll never believe that his sweet and innocent little Bella could ever be in a relationship with another woman, let alone Jane Volturi of all vampires.
He won't even need to hear Bella call me a liar to believe that I am one. Edward is such a naïve fool that he'll immediately jump to the conclusion that I'm a liar anyway without Bella's accusation.
Ah, Edward. So stupid. So Naïve. So chivalrous that he can't realize a lie that's been going on for years now.
The funny thing is, if he cared at all about Bella, he would let her go. He is so obsessed with his idea of a "perfectBella" that he can't see the real Bella.
He might not be able to. But I can.
I can see who Bella is as clear as the daylight that exposes our diamond hard skin.
And I love who she is. With all of my cold, evil, undead heart. There's the difference between Edward and myself. If Edward knew what really makes Bella happy…..Well, he'd back away, calling her a "harlot" faster than my brother and I could slaughter a human.
I on the other hand, upon seeing Bella for who and what she is, am putty in Bella's hands. It could be anything and I would do it for her. Aside from abandoning my coven and brother, anyway.
Isn't it funny? Bella would be the perfect Volturi guard. She has all that is required, really. Strong willed, dedicated, loyal…..Oh, more than anything else that's important to the Volturi, it's loyalty. And she's powerful and from what I've learned from her, she's become a good fighter under the lessons of the war vampire, the empath called Jasper.
What's more, she's loving and compassionate. You'd be surprised what those types of traits would do for a vampire coven. Esme Cullen, I'll admit is very important to the Cullen family. Far more than just that fool Carlisle Cullen's mate. All of the Cullen "children" love her. She is the heart of the family. She keeps them together. I can tell.
One like Bella in our Volturi family would bring us even closer together than we already are.
We once had someone like that in our family. Didyme. She meant everything to my "father figure," Marcus and to my brother and I.
Bella would mean just as much to us, and I suspect to the rest of our coven. She's already brought such pleasantly unexpected reactions from my family.
Speaking of my family, every one of them knows that I've been sneaking off to see Bella. And they have remarked that they look forward to the day that I bring her to them to join us. The thing that actually makes my dead heart almost swell, (if I didn't know any better) is that these expectations and remarks are genuine.
Demetri, Afton, Santiago, Felix, Rufus, Oliver and Corin tease me. Playfully dramatize everything that I think about in terms of Bella. Joke about how silly I can be. A few jolts of my torturous power shuts them up fast. Despite their remarks and my torture, I know they're being as nice as….Well….As well as Demetri, Afton, Santiago, Felix, Rufus, Oliver and Corin can be, anyway. They're my brothers. Isn't that what brothers are supposed to do?
When it's Heidi, Chelsea, Aleena, Bianca, Rachel and Renata, it's of course so, so much harder to use my dangerous gift on them. They actually make an effort to sound sincere in what they say. In truth, I think they were all worried about me.
I saw what was between Afton and Chelsea and knew that Chelsea had sometimes worried about how angry and distrustful I was, thinking that I would never let someone into my heart. I also could see the way Heidi and Felix looked at each other when they thought no one except Aro and Marcus were looking.
I know what Heidi feels for that big idiot lug of a vampire. And I know what Aleena feels for Corin, though she doesn't like talking about it.
So, needless to say, a great deal of my sisters have worried for me when it comes to romantic issues. They all were afraid that I'd never let anyone close enough to me, resulting in being completely cut off from being in love. They are clearly overjoyed that that is not the case.
But the worst isn't even my siblings, no. The worst is someone I know too well.
The most embarrassing of my coven is still, and I assume always will be my master and leader, Aro Volturi. He has been delighted that I finally found a mate to fall in love with since he first read Felix's thoughts when we returned from investigating the "Newborn Army" years ago.
Aro still smiles joyously whenever he touches me and senses the thoughts that I have about Bella.
He praises me, tells me that he is so happy for me that I've finally fallen in love. In truth, I can't say I entirely blame him. He, like the rest of my family, have worried that I would never find a mate. The fact that I actually showed interest alone makes them happy.
When it comes to Bella, actually, they're all fairly curious too. Aro of course has always been rather fond of her. He, I know would more than happily welcome her to our family. Though I'm sure the fact that she was able to win my love has a great deal to do with that. Felix actually seems to look forward to having another "little sister" in the family. All his….For lack of better words, "inappropriate" remarks about Bella have been washed away these past few years as he sees how I act around the castle.
Demetri, Afton, Aleena, Rachel and actually everyone now, even Caius are becoming increasingly curious and open to the idea of Bella being with us. The guards that protect the outer walls of the city, Zach, Kyle and Robert, when they found out were open to hearing, and Zach and Kyle actually loved the idea of Bella joining us.
Naturally, Robert, being Robert just had to say something. Luckily, Felix was right there and smashed his fist into him before that idiot could say anything else and I had to send him to the ground screaming with my power.
Well, Robert is an idiot, nothing else.
Now, besides trying to get Bella to join us, there was one more issue at hand. Renesmee. Bella's daughter.
To tell you the truth, that little brat has kind of grown on me.
The more Bella tells me about her, the more I feel enticed to look after the kid too. I know it kind of sounds like I was guilted into worrying about her, but the moment I found out that that….God damn wolf shifter, Jacob Black had imprinted on her daughter….Well, let's just say I've been taking my anger more and more out on innocent humans who've done nothing to me.
Bear in mind though, that I've actually changed since my visits with Bella. The more and more time I spend with her and hold her in my arms, the more I have her up against a wall as I push my knee between her legs, the more times I practically ravish her in the woods….And she complies all too willingly, I've changed from how I used to be, and I know it.
Hell, if I didn't see it, my Volturi family sure as hell has. Hence the annoying praises. The rest of my family of course can see how I've changed, seen me even out more and more over these past years. I find it really funny that me, Jane Volturi, a vampire that has had almost fifteen centuries to change has only gotten worse and worse over time.
If anything, instead of taking the fifteen centuries to change and become a "better person" over time so that I wasn't as sadistic or murderous, I allowed my hate, rage and bitterness to get to me and became even more of a monster than most vampires.
And yet these past three to four years have made me a new vampire.
And it's all because of this young, beautiful, kind and willful vampire woman.
There are times when I've wondered if she's more of a vampire than I am, even though I've of course have been around for so, so much longer. She can affect me so easily, without even lifting a finger. I almost feel like I'm a human again, being seduced by a tempting vampire.
Then again, I realized I felt like that since the moment I first met Bella, and she was a blasted human when she started tempting this vampire!
My changes have been noticed by all of my fellow Volturi. They have all seen the changes and are delighted to see them. I roll my eyes at how now my family is less cautious around me, is willing to be around me more and more and actually be more affectionate to me without fear of my gift as much. I'll admit, a few years ago, that would have enraged me beyond nothing else. Now though, it is rather pleasant for me too, since the more I think about it, the more I realized that I was just lonely before.
It was true. I was surrounded by my Volturi family and they all loved me, I know that. And they weren't afraid to hold me and treat me like their little sister before, but I think they saw that there was a barrier there that isn't there anymore. Whether Bella knows it or not, she got rid of my barriers.
There's a warmth here in me that definitely wasn't there before.
Naturally, Alec , my other half has seen everything and reads my changes like a book. I can see the satisfied smile on his face as he sees the ice that's always been surrounding my heart has melted over the years.
Hugging me from behind once, he tells me that he constantly wished that I would warm up and not have a "stick up the ass" as Felix calls it. I know that there are serious times when Alec worried that all these centuries of me killing humans and torturing other vampires had started to seriously weigh on me.
He's always known that while I'm the perfect guard for the Volturi and am emotionless while feeding on my prey and torturing my victims, he's seen the scars on my dead heart, knowing how much this "lifestyle" has affected me. I know that in his eyes, Bella has "helped" me, and he's utterly grateful to her for it.
I actually find myself smiling now. Really smiling. I can even feel the cold shield around my heart crack and fall apart. There's only one thing that would make this perfect. Bella and her daughter joining us.
And the bad part is, I know that that won't happen for a very long, long, long time.
Believe me, I've been trying.
I've offered, I've bargained, I've begged, I've tempted. I've told her that she would have plenty of power in the Volturi family, and that her daughter would be protected. I pleaded with her, telling her that I loved her (yes I actually told her) and told her I was lonely. She didn't listen. I could see that she was affected by my confession but she didn't budge on her opinion of my family.
"Your family feeds on humans." Is always the defense that Bella has for refusing me.
Yes, that was true. My family does feed on humans. My family drains humans dry. There are piles of human corpses that we need to dispose of weekly due to our feeding habits. Luckily we have safe passageways in our castle where we can hide and get rid of the remains.
This has always been and I suspect always will be a serious issue for my Bella.
She met the Cullens first. She loved them first. She got used to their feeding lifestyle first. In her mind, feeding on animals instead of humans is the best way.
I almost scowl at that thought. The Cullen coven have kept Bella naïve. They've made her foolish. They are the biggest fools themselves, really. They know that feeding on animals instead of humans for a long amount of time makes vampires incredibly weak, at least, next to vampires that feed on humans.
The Cullens have kept her weak. They've made sure that she is under their control; going by their rules and not the rules of the Vampire world. In our coven, she'd be welcome to do whatever she wanted outside of exposing our kind of course.
I've offered everything really. I've offered her a home here in in the castle with her daughter. In truth, I made it clear that we'd even be willing to welcome the rest of her family into the Volturi.
Yes, I'd be willing to tolerate the Cullen family. Even that pathetic, arrogant one, Edward.
To be truthful, I am actually curious about the Cullen "parents," Carlisle and Esme myself. And to be honest, I actually some respect for the southern war vampire, Jasper Hale. There are almost no reports of our kind ever surviving the Southern Vampire Wars. Jasper's great battle prowess has at least some of my respect. That is truly saying a lot, coming from me of all vampires. And the other blonde vampire, Rosalie, from what I can tell about her, must have had a traumatic experience before becoming a vampire. I narrow my eyes at that thought, remembering Alec and my mistreatment. We can relate.
I'd just have to tolerate the large one, Emmett, the little hyper active, annoying vampire that can't stop being cheerful, Alice and of course, that piece of filth that should never have been born, much less changed into a vampire, Edward. I could tolerate anything if Bella would be with me.
Hell, I think the best way to describe me is what the humans refer to as "whipped." I'm willing to do anything for Bella if she'll willingly join me. Even if it means tolerating seven poor excuses for vampires. Maybe just three poor excuses, since as I said the other four I can deal with.
I've tried tempting; I've told her what my family would do to Jacob Black, the wolf that lusts after a mere child.
Jacob Black…Heh, I assume that I've only seen him in his wolf form, but Bella has told me enough about him. Enough for me to despise him.
I've seen Bella's daughter many times since my family and I first laid eyes on her years ago on the "battleground" of the Cullen family's front lawn. When they gathered the vampires around the world to face us. She is now four years old.
However, even though she is four years old, she takes on the appearance of a fourteen year old. Physically, she's barely older than Alec and I were when we were changed into vampires. What's more, she still has the mentality of a four-year-old.
And to think, in a couple of those years, when she's physically seventeen or so, she'll be expected by the wolf shifter to be with him.
This is the trump card I use against my Bella.
I say to her as she tries to resist the temptation to join us, "Just think about Renesmee. Just think about how "dear" Jacob is going to use her when he thinks she's the "right" age to be taken. My family could protect your daughter, Bella. You know we could, and we will. Just give the word."
I had promised her. All she had to do was join us and that…..Child molesting wolf would be dealt with.
I might be a monster and the killer of over a thousand humans over the centuries, but even I was disgusted at the very thought of expecting a mere child that wasn't ready for….Well, for "Those" type of activities, especially one that was still mentally a child.
I offered to kill Jacob Black myself. My fellow Volturi of course, I'm sure would agree as well. I touched Aro's hand once after learning about the "imprinting" process of wolf-shifters. His reaction was one that was clearly disturbed.
To think, Aro, of all vampires, the most manipulative and ruthless of us, ruling the Volturi, was actually disturbed.
One more reason for me to want to kill the wolf. No one unnerved my master. No one. Except Bella and my brother of course.
What's more, I can tell, Bella dreads the day when Renesmee gets old enough to be seen as "ready" to have a sexual relationship. The problem is that she fears that Jacob will be the one to see Renesmee as ready for a relationship. She fears that Renesmee will not be given a choice, not one of her own free will.
She's afraid that her daughter will be pressured by the wolf into being with him.
I even addressed her about the issue once.
I ran into her while she was hunting. Her…..Current family was back at their home, getting the Christmas tree ready. I smiled when she told me that. Holidays in my Volturi family are known of and practiced. Aro…..In his odd, parental way tries to involve both Alec and myself in those sorts of things. The rest of the family, odd as it is to imagine, like these types of holidays and enjoy involving themselves. Oliver, Rufus, Heidi, Demetri and Chelsea especially.
In any case, I caught her hunting some predator animal of some kind and I addressed the issue of her daughter. She seemed as nervous as usual when I discussed Renesmee. What? Did she think that if she didn't talk about it, it wouldn't be any less true? That Jacob Black wouldn't eventually see Renesmee at the "right" physical age as fair game?
I told her. Told her that Jacob may try to pressure the girl into a relationship, maybe even force Renesmee.
Bella's reaction wasn't good.
Still, regardless of what she says, does she really think that Jacob and Renesmee's possible future "relationship" and Bella and my relationship are anything alike? I am not lying, Bella tried to compare me to that wolf that is after her daughter. I very nearly took down a tree in my rage when I heard that. How could she compare me to a…To a…..A child molester? How? Hadn't she known me long enough to know I wasn't like Jacob?
I know that I won the argument with what I said to her next. That alone gave me comfort, but still, the thought that she…Never mind.
But there was something else. I might be wrong, but I feel like there's something that Bella has been keeping from me for the past four years now. I don't know what it is of course. Whenever the subject of Jacob Black comes up, naturally, Bella's daughter is the first thing that Bella worries about.
But there's something that Bella is hiding. Not only is the issue of her daughter a concern to her, but I know that Bella seems to be afraid of me finding something else out. What is it? When I mention the wolf, she stiffens as if nervous, and not just from the idea of her daughter being with him.
So now I not only have one thing that is pressing against my mind that is begging to be solved; not just how to get Bella to join me, but what is she hiding from me in regards to Jacob Black?
Truthfully, considering how much I've already witnessed while trying to gain Bella's favor, a part of me has a feeling that I won't want to find out.
Still, Heidi told me the truth when she asked me about my relationship with Bella. It was better that I try and not like the answers than not try at all. Otherwise I would have none of Bella whatsoever.
So what, it was like that incredibly disgusting human saying, "Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?" Give me a break.
Still, there was one thing that I was going to make clear to every vampire, werewolf and shape shifter that existed on this Earth. A knowledge that flows in my venom and blood. Something that keeps me going throughout these years and tempts me to kill both the shape shifter Jacob Black and the foolish mind reader, Edward Cullen.
Something that makes me ach in my hours of no sleeping and eating. Something that I have never had before in all of my sixteen centuries.
The conviction of knowledge that I have, that Bella is MINE.
