Complete darkness. Nothingness.
It was raining again; for the first time in his life he didn't care. His feet skidded on the slick tiles of the roof of the Sohma cottage. He should do it now. All he had to do was take one step.
Just do it, he told himself. There are only a few more hours left and, then, it would be too late.
Why couldn't he do it?
A small choking sound erupted from his throat. Even now.even now, he was such a coward. He hated that he wasn't strong enough. Hated that he couldn't muster enough courage to grab on to the only freedom he would ever know. It was what everyone wanted him to do.
He raised his foot, stretching it out over the edge.
Kyo-kun?
His vision blurred. Her voice in his head. Her eyes. Desperate, he shook his head. She needs me to do this, he told himself. I can't let her be hurt anymore. It's all my fault.
His hands clawed at his eyes, trying to block out her smile, her face. He had to do this. Again, his foot raised.
"Kyo-Kyo-kun?!"
Startled, he slapped his foot down too quickly on the tiles. The sky spun and his body slammed onto the roof. When he opened his eyes, she was reaching for him.
"D-don't!" he stammered.
"Kyo-kun, what are you doing up here? You're completely soaked!" A sudden terror seemed to fill her eyes. "You'll catch a cold! Come on, let's go inside now."
Kyo looked down at his own prone form. His shirt was nearly transparent from the rain and his pants were clinging to his frame as though they too were afraid of the fall. Funny how he hadn't noticed. A sudden warmth on his hand brought his eyes up again.
Tohru was grasping his hand, gently urging him to come with her. His icy fingers only increased her fright, her desperation.
"I can't." he mumbled, pulling his hand from hers. Aching from his fall, he pushed himself up and stumbled back to the edge. "Go inside, Tohru."
Though he didn't dare look back at her, he could feel the realization dawning on her. She wasn't stupid. He, of all people, knew that.
"Kyo--!"
"Just go. I'll be fine." His voice fell to a whisper and he cursed himself for not sounding more convincing.
"You can't do this!"
"Tohru, I said, go inside."
"Kyo-kun, I-"
"Tohru! Just leave me be!"
"I can't, Kyo-kun!"
He shut his eyes against her pleas. Heat flew to his face, burned his eyes. A sudden new wetness mingled with the rain water streaming down his face. When he spoke again, it was with the pain of decades, of generations of self loathing and anguish.
"You don't understand! You.don't know what it's like!" Every part of him screamed at him to stop, but it was too late for that. "I can't do it anymore! I won't spend my life locked up, I can't!" The heat spread to his throat, choking him again. His voice grew hoarse. "All I've ever done is hurt others. My entire existence..I have to." Sobbing, he covered his face with his hands.
"L-locked up?"
Horror flooded through him. Oh, God, how could he let her find out like this. He turned towards her only to see her eyes brimming with tears.
"Tohru, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner, I just-"
"No, Kyo-kun. I already knew, I just...I kept hoping we would have a little more time. I kept hoping I would find a way." She looked up at him, her own suffering evident in every movement. "Oh, Kyo-kun.I'm so sorry," she whispered.
He'd done it again, hurt her even as he tried to protect her.
"Kyo, please," she pleaded. "I'll find a way."
Pulling his own eyes from her face, he turned back towards the edge. "Go inside."
She grabbed his arm. "No."
"Tohru-"
"No! I won't let you do this!"
He tried to pull his arm from her grasp but her grip remained. "Tohru, please!"
It's okay, he thought.
"No!"
"Why? Why won't you just let me do this?"
She'll understand later.
"Because I can't do this without you!"
Kyo's mind reeled. "What?"
"I can't do this without you!"
I've done too much to hurt her.
"I want you to be there with me, even if you're locked up, I don't care! I don't want to be alone!"
I was such a fool to believe we could be.
"I don't care what you say, I won't let go." She was gasping for air between her sobs.
Together.
"Because Kyo-kun is."
No one can love a monster.
"Kyo is." Her eyes shut tightly, she squeezed his arm.
I don't deserve, I can never have.
".special to me!"
Love.
Kyo felt his body go numb. She couldn't know what she was saying. He tried to speak, failed. He tried again. "Tohru-"
He felt a gentle tug on his arms, felt himself falling until..
He felt everything. All at once, he felt the rain battering against his bruised body, little pinpoints pricking each cut, each sore. He felt the icy wind as it sliced through his bare feet, hands, arm, and face. He felt hair plastered to his cheeks. His hair-no, her hair. Her face. Her.lips.
She pulled away. "Kyo-kun, I'm sorry!" Her face burned red even in this unbearable chill. "I was too presumptuous." She trailed off as he leaned in, desperately returning her kiss, filled with both joy and agony. As they separated again, Tohru carefully placed her forehead against Kyo's. It was their own unique embrace.
"It won't be easy," he croaked after several moments.
"I know," she murmured. "But I'll find away to end this. I know it."
Kyo nuzzled her face tenderly. "How can you be so sure? How can you have so much hope?"
"That's the thing. No matter how much you try to fight it, no matter how much you despair, hope will always come again, Kyo."
"Like.a flower?" he asked, sheepishly.
"Like a flower."
Kyo closed his eyes and let the darkness come.
It was raining again; for the first time in his life he didn't care. His feet skidded on the slick tiles of the roof of the Sohma cottage. He should do it now. All he had to do was take one step.
Just do it, he told himself. There are only a few more hours left and, then, it would be too late.
Why couldn't he do it?
A small choking sound erupted from his throat. Even now.even now, he was such a coward. He hated that he wasn't strong enough. Hated that he couldn't muster enough courage to grab on to the only freedom he would ever know. It was what everyone wanted him to do.
He raised his foot, stretching it out over the edge.
Kyo-kun?
His vision blurred. Her voice in his head. Her eyes. Desperate, he shook his head. She needs me to do this, he told himself. I can't let her be hurt anymore. It's all my fault.
His hands clawed at his eyes, trying to block out her smile, her face. He had to do this. Again, his foot raised.
"Kyo-Kyo-kun?!"
Startled, he slapped his foot down too quickly on the tiles. The sky spun and his body slammed onto the roof. When he opened his eyes, she was reaching for him.
"D-don't!" he stammered.
"Kyo-kun, what are you doing up here? You're completely soaked!" A sudden terror seemed to fill her eyes. "You'll catch a cold! Come on, let's go inside now."
Kyo looked down at his own prone form. His shirt was nearly transparent from the rain and his pants were clinging to his frame as though they too were afraid of the fall. Funny how he hadn't noticed. A sudden warmth on his hand brought his eyes up again.
Tohru was grasping his hand, gently urging him to come with her. His icy fingers only increased her fright, her desperation.
"I can't." he mumbled, pulling his hand from hers. Aching from his fall, he pushed himself up and stumbled back to the edge. "Go inside, Tohru."
Though he didn't dare look back at her, he could feel the realization dawning on her. She wasn't stupid. He, of all people, knew that.
"Kyo--!"
"Just go. I'll be fine." His voice fell to a whisper and he cursed himself for not sounding more convincing.
"You can't do this!"
"Tohru, I said, go inside."
"Kyo-kun, I-"
"Tohru! Just leave me be!"
"I can't, Kyo-kun!"
He shut his eyes against her pleas. Heat flew to his face, burned his eyes. A sudden new wetness mingled with the rain water streaming down his face. When he spoke again, it was with the pain of decades, of generations of self loathing and anguish.
"You don't understand! You.don't know what it's like!" Every part of him screamed at him to stop, but it was too late for that. "I can't do it anymore! I won't spend my life locked up, I can't!" The heat spread to his throat, choking him again. His voice grew hoarse. "All I've ever done is hurt others. My entire existence..I have to." Sobbing, he covered his face with his hands.
"L-locked up?"
Horror flooded through him. Oh, God, how could he let her find out like this. He turned towards her only to see her eyes brimming with tears.
"Tohru, I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner, I just-"
"No, Kyo-kun. I already knew, I just...I kept hoping we would have a little more time. I kept hoping I would find a way." She looked up at him, her own suffering evident in every movement. "Oh, Kyo-kun.I'm so sorry," she whispered.
He'd done it again, hurt her even as he tried to protect her.
"Kyo, please," she pleaded. "I'll find a way."
Pulling his own eyes from her face, he turned back towards the edge. "Go inside."
She grabbed his arm. "No."
"Tohru-"
"No! I won't let you do this!"
He tried to pull his arm from her grasp but her grip remained. "Tohru, please!"
It's okay, he thought.
"No!"
"Why? Why won't you just let me do this?"
She'll understand later.
"Because I can't do this without you!"
Kyo's mind reeled. "What?"
"I can't do this without you!"
I've done too much to hurt her.
"I want you to be there with me, even if you're locked up, I don't care! I don't want to be alone!"
I was such a fool to believe we could be.
"I don't care what you say, I won't let go." She was gasping for air between her sobs.
Together.
"Because Kyo-kun is."
No one can love a monster.
"Kyo is." Her eyes shut tightly, she squeezed his arm.
I don't deserve, I can never have.
".special to me!"
Love.
Kyo felt his body go numb. She couldn't know what she was saying. He tried to speak, failed. He tried again. "Tohru-"
He felt a gentle tug on his arms, felt himself falling until..
He felt everything. All at once, he felt the rain battering against his bruised body, little pinpoints pricking each cut, each sore. He felt the icy wind as it sliced through his bare feet, hands, arm, and face. He felt hair plastered to his cheeks. His hair-no, her hair. Her face. Her.lips.
She pulled away. "Kyo-kun, I'm sorry!" Her face burned red even in this unbearable chill. "I was too presumptuous." She trailed off as he leaned in, desperately returning her kiss, filled with both joy and agony. As they separated again, Tohru carefully placed her forehead against Kyo's. It was their own unique embrace.
"It won't be easy," he croaked after several moments.
"I know," she murmured. "But I'll find away to end this. I know it."
Kyo nuzzled her face tenderly. "How can you be so sure? How can you have so much hope?"
"That's the thing. No matter how much you try to fight it, no matter how much you despair, hope will always come again, Kyo."
"Like.a flower?" he asked, sheepishly.
"Like a flower."
Kyo closed his eyes and let the darkness come.
