Disclaimer: I don't anything you recognise.


Chapter 1

It had been a long time since she had seen Hobbit Holes. A good few decades in fact and here the honorary Ranger Keera was, once again, little Myrtle Took and she looked around a wee bit terrified.

"Gandalf, I'm not sure I should be here."

"Nonsense. For a Took you are far too scared."

"Scared? I'm not scared I just...I don't belong here anymore."

"My dear girl, no one is going to recognise you when you've got your hood drawn so low and your scarf pulled up so high, do stop being so scared. We're only here for a day or so, no need to get so antsy. You will be wandering once again, I promise."

"Alright but just remember, I'm Kieran, not Keera. We both know people don't do well when there's women on quests. And don't expect me to talk either because if you do I will run."

"Imagine how that surprises me."

"None at all I should guess."

"Right on the nose, just as usual. Ah here we are."

"Bag End? Whatever are you up to old man?"

"Wizard, not man. And I have a hobbit to talk to. Stay put, will you?" He said and left her there. Unnerved she looked for a shadow to hide in only to find that as usual in the Shire, it was beautiful sunny day and there were no shadows in the sundrenched town she was standing in. Her eyes wandered for a brief moment to a hobbit hole a little way down with rose patterned curtains and of their own accord her feet moved a bit forward. She wondered if her mother remembered her.

The last time she had seen her, Amaranthus Took had been fawning over her sister in law and poring over baby names to find the right one. Keera wondered if they'd had a boy or a girl. They whittled the list down to Peregrin for a boy and Poppy if it was a girl, if she remembered correctly. It would be strange if she'd appear on the doorstep. Would her mother recognise her? If she did, would she be happy to see her wayward child returned?

Doubtful.

It was better this way. Now her mother didn't have to deal with all those whispers whenever Myrtle had been presented in polite company. They had thought they were quiet but they really weren't.

'Would you look at those feet?! Not a single hair on them and so tiny too! I tell you, that child is half elf! Poor Gerry, doesn't even know what his wife's been up to.'

She was broken out of her thoughts when a voice spoke up from behind her. "Ah, I see you listened to me for once." Gandalf looked down his nose at her, a pipe still in hand blowing smoke. It was a terrible habit but apparently only she realised it. It would seem she was doomed to be surrounded by men who adored smoking the pipe.

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

"You usually don't." He said teasingly before turning serious, his eyes roving over the homes before stopping at the same one she had been looking at. "You should talk to her. She's been lonely since your father died and you left."

"She's better off without me there. And to be honest I am a coward. An utter, utter coward."

Gandalf sighed. "Well at least you acknowledge it."

"Why are we here anyway?"

"We're looking for a Burglar of course."

"You can't mean-"

"Oh but I do."

"Oh dear." Keera glanced up at him surreptitiously but he didn't notice. She supposed the hood was to blame for that. "And Bilbo took it well did he?"

"I didn't get around to telling him that. One mention of the word 'adventure' and he took off like a rabbit faced with a ravenous Brandybuck." Gandalf sighed. "It wasn't that bad. But it was rather bad. He didn't even remember me and when he did, he ran off."

"That's not really surprising at all."

"No it isn't. Come along then Kieran. We'd best be off gathering supplies."

"The dwarves won't be glad of me."

"I don't think the dwarves will be glad of anyone but themselves. But they need a Burglar and they need a Wizard. We shall return at night so that Master Baggins isn't too surprised when-"

"When a company of dwarves show up at his door. Hmm. Well we'd best not be late then."

"Needn't worry." Gandalf said hurrying along, Keera following close behind. "I imagine we'll be right on time."

Keera groaned but followed him nonetheless. She had enough adventures of her own to know that a Wizard's idea of 'on time' wasn't the same as being actually on time. Still, delaying the inevitable didn't seem like too bad an idea.

Not to her at least.

But that poor sod, Bilbo Baggins, was in for one hell of a surprise.


There was a noisy gaggle of dwarves waiting outside the door when they finally arrived at Bag End that night. The rune Gandalf had scratched into the door glowed bright and as they got closer and closer to them Keera shrunk further into herself.

"I can't imagine Bilbo being too happy with this." She whispered and then shut up as the dwarves noticed them.

"Gandalf, you here and you're late too!" One of them said.

"A Wizard is never late my dear friends."

"Is that the Burglar hiding behind you Mister Gandalf?" She silently laughed at the amount of respect the dwarf was giving him. It would change soon though. You couldn't travel with Gandalf as a companion and still come out of it being so polite to the dashed man.

"Oh no. No, no, this is no Burglar." She was almost offended at his vehemence, there had been plenty of times when she had been stealthy and stolen things. Although she supposed that stealing the jam at Nana Took's house didn't really count for much. It was still more experience than poor Bilbo could boast of though. "The Burglar lies on the other side of this door, my good fellow."

"Who's that then?"

"A friend who's travelling along similar paths. Nothing more." Apparently the vague answer satisfied the lot who went back to staring at the door with impatience.

"How long does it take to open a door?" One of them complained.

"Well you didn't knock properly, it's a Burglar's house innit? You have to do it right, there's probably a password. It's like this." The one who was standing at the back went forward to demonstrate just as the door opened and they all fell into the doorway in a heap of grumbling dwarves.

Bilbo stood on the other side and as Gandalf bent to look at him properly, he glared with all the intensity that only a Baggins could manage.

Within what felt like seconds, chaos and pandemonium prevailed over the formerly calm, quiet hobbit hole. Gandalf struggled to find his bearings in the short ceilinged home and began counting on his fingers, naming the dwarves one by one.

"Uh, Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin," He looked behind him and then in front as the dwarves kept on changing their places, in a constant state of activity, "Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori , Ori-"

"Not my prize winners thank you!" Bilbo's cries rang out over the din as he fought with one of them for a basket of tomatoes ignoring Gandalf's reproachful look.

"Yes you're quite right Bifur." Gandalf said in response to a brief chat he in dwarvish. "We appear to be one dwarf short."

"He is late, is all. He travelled north to a meeting of our kin. He will come." Dwalin said. Being one of the only dwarves who stood in one place, content to drink, his was the only name she knew. "And you've brought a dwarf of your own."

"Ah, this is Kieran." Gandalf swept his arm in her direction. "We will be travelling the same road and...his expertise may come in handy."

"I certainly hope so. But He isn't going to be too happy about it."

"No, I imagine not."

"Mr Gandalf," A voice interrupted their chat and with one glance at her, Dwalin went back to nursing his drink while Gandalf turned to see who was talking to him. "A glass of red wine as requested. It's got a fruity bouquet."

"Oh, cheers."

Keera was hard pressed not to laugh at the sight of the glass of wine in his hand. It looked like a thimble. She stood close to the door but still not so far that she couldn't see the lot. Bilbo watched them make an excellent attempt to eat him out of his house and sagged, distressed. He stomped up to her, annoyed.

"I don't suppose you want anything, hmm? Perhaps my prized tomatoes, the ham that I was saving for next month? The good wine that we're only supposed to open on special occasions?" His voice grew in intensity and panic with each word.

When she simply waved her hand to say no he deflated.

"Oh well, uh, that's a first." He looked her over carefully. "How'd you get mixed up with this lot?"

Keera almost laughed. If it weren't for the fact that Gandalf had introduced her as Kieran, making sure everyone was well under the assumption she was male she would have wondered if Bilbo Baggins was coming on to her. It would have been awkward to explain to him that he was trying to flirt with his first cousin twice removed.

She simply shrugged in response pointing to Gandalf. It was all he needed to tip him over the edge and he went over to the wizard in question and began complaining his ear off and turned very very red when instead of listening to him Gandalf simply aksed him what the matter was. It didn't get any better when the dwarves began tossing the cutlery around and burst into (a rather nice) song, using the dishes and knives and forks to play a beat.

"Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!
Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
That's what Bilbo Baggins hates

Cut the cloth and trail the fat!
Leave the bones on the bedroom mat!
Pour the milk on the pantry floor!
Splash the wine on every door!

Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl;
Pound them up with a thumping pole;
And when you've finished, if they are whole,
Send them down the hall to roll!

That's what Bilbo Baggins hates!"

As pottery went flying across the room, Keera pitied poor Bilbo Baggins for the millionth time that night. But the look on his face when he rushed through the clutter to find everything stacked up neat and clean was worth it, she thought and just when Bilbo loosened up a bit, there was a pounding on the door.

Unlike the other times though, everything stopped. This particular knock had the feel of something important and everyone turned to the door as if one.

"He is here." Gandalf said oddly quiet yet loud in the silence and went to open to the door.

On the other side stood a dwarf who walked into the hobbit hole with a sense of importance and the second he stepped in, it stopped being Bilbo Baggins' home and turned into his. This, then, was a man who knew how to claim ownership of things. He was also, Keera realised, the dwarf Dwalin had said wouldn't be too happy about her traipsing along with them.

"Gandalf," He said in a deep, gravelly voice, his intense eyes looking only at the wizard. "I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. I wouldn't have found it at all if it weren't for that mark on the door."

"Mark? There's no mark on that door, it was painted a week ago." Bilbo rushed again. It seemed to be all he was doing that night, rushing to see the state of his things.

"There is a mark, I put it there myself." Gandalf admitted. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our company: Thorin Oakenshield."

"So," Thorin said, stepping forward handing his cloak off to one of the dwarves who received it with a grace that had been all but nonexistent before. "This is the Hobbit. Tell me Mr Baggins, have you done much fighting?" Thorin said as he circled poor Bilbo.

"Pardon me?"

"Axe or sword? What's your weapon of choice?"

"Well I do have some skill at conkers if you must know," Bilbo started off all confident only to wilt as Thorin crossed his arms and his apparent strength made itself obvious, "But I fail to see why that's relevant."

"Thought as much." Thorin said dismissively, turning to the dwarves, "He looks more like a grocer than a Burglar." Everyone laughed, even Gandalf and followed Thorin into the other room. Only Keera and Bilbo stood there, the latter confused and the former all knowing. She moved to follow the company with a pat to Bilbo's back.

When around Gandalf, this was a common state to be in. He would learn.