A/N - short drabble. One-shot unless people ask for more. As of recently I have been writing an actual Shinsengumi fiction, involving my own takes on each member and if anyone wants to read that, tell me. But anyhow...this was inspired by many things - I warn it shall be horridly written considering I SUCK at fanfic.

Song: Distorted Daytime - The GazettE

Hitoride Watashi Kireme

"The reason I fight...?" Souji sighed, staring up at the falling cherry blossoms. Against the dark blue skies, the pale petals looked like snow, or maybe ash, with the way that they were illuminated by the moon. "Most people would laugh, wouldn't they Hijikata?" he asked quietly, not particularly to Hijikata, who stood out of sight, unseen, but to himself.

He pushed his deep plum hair away from his amethyst eyes, sighing deeply. "When was it that the answer became clear to me? I believe it was the spar with Sannan-san, huh?" Souji fiddled with the tea cup in his hands, running one long, pale digit over the rim of the tiny black laquered cup.

"I was nineteen...the instructor of Shiei Hall, if memory serves..." He drew in a wheezy breath, "As soon as I picked up that sword to fight him, something...snapped in my brain. A dark shadow had taken hold of my whole being and guided me to land a throat strike on Keisuke. "

Hijikata sighed, watching Souji from behind one of the large cherry trees, he wanted to call out to him. He knew, though, that if he did Souji would place that cold and broken smile back on his face, in fear of Hijikata seeing the pain that he held in the pit of his heart. He wanted Souji to be able to cry in peace, even if he wanted to hold Souji.

"Demon's child...I was called that be the age of twelve, everytime I wield a sword, something dark stirs within my soul and I lose sight of everything..." Souji looked down just as a petal fell onto the surface of his murky green tea, creating minuscule ripples.

A tear slid down his pale cheek. "I don't want to be a demon's child, I want to fight my darkness...or in the very least, use it to protect those whom I care for. I couldn't save Yamanami...and now," he coughed hard into his fist, crimson dotting his pale lips and hands. "I fear I am running out of time. Will I be able to win against myself before this illness kills me?"

Hijikata couldn't stand to watch any longer as Souji suffered alone. Stepping from the shadows he placed a hand on Souji's shoulder, squeezing gently. "Come inside Souji, you'll catch your death in this weather." He placed his padded kimono around Souji's frail, trembling shoulders. Souji wiped his eyes and plastered on a smile before standing up and following Souji inside.

Long after Souji had fallen asleep, still wrapped in his superior's kimono, Hijikata sat beside his futon. He caressed Souji's thin cheek lightly, "Souji, you're fine the way you are...so long as I live, I will not let that darkness take hold of you. So please...don't worry so much."

A/N - And...I suck. This is worse than "I'm Home Again" and that's saying something.

Song: Reila - GazettE