A/N: This is supposed to be a very sick (cough cough) humorous story. Some SLASHES may include: Harry/Ron, Fred/George, and Lavender/Hermione. I know this wouldn't happen but try to go with the flow! If you don't like the pairings you shouldn't read. Thanks! Enjoy!

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Chapter 1

Harry and Cream

"What do you think your doing, Potter?" Malfoy sneered. It was difficult for Harry to hear what Malfoy was saying, in fact, Harry didn't even notice Malfoy was standing in back of him. The wind was blowing fiercely into Harry's ears. It was a chilly autumn day in Hogsmeade. Already the foliage was beautiful with red, golden brown, and gold leaves flipping about in the wind.
"Did you hear me, Potter, or were you thinking about that Mudblood, Granger?" Harry whipped around, his hair ruffled with the wind as he turned.
"Malfoy? What the hell?" Malfoy blinked, his cold gray eyes wandering as he spoke.
"Hey, Potty, how about you join us in 'The Three Broomsticks' for a bit of Butterbeer and a game of 'Truth-or-Dare'? Not that I want you to, you know" Malfoy quickly added, "It was a dare from Lavender".
Harry pondered on the spot for a moment or two, then said "Sure! I could use a Butterbeer and a bit of fun!".
Harry gazed at the magnificent Halloween decorations (Wizards are very into Halloween unlike us Muggles). 'Wow! This is amazing! I should really tell Sirius (We miss you Sirius!) about this!' Harry thought as he gazed. Suddenly he found himself under the doorway of 'The Three Broomsticks'. Everything was lit up in Orange and Green lights. Harry could hear cheering from a dimly lit corner of the pub.
"Ah, well, I guess we will be going over in that" Harry nodded in the direction of the cheering voices, "direction?" The corner of Malfoy's thin lips twitched, as the he were about to smile. Harry walked over and planted himself on a cozy looking chair beside Ron.
"Oy, Harry!" Ron piped, "Aw, hell, you missed Crabbe and Goyle's dare! It was bloody brilliant! Hermione beamed at Ron's statement and said "Oh hello Harry! I thought you weren't going to come!"
"Hey Hermione!" Harry responded as though he were so excited to see her.
Suddenly a deep, manly voice started to speak, "Okay, Weasley, Truth or Dare?"
Ron though for a moment, then said "Dare" rather bravely. 'It can't be that bad' said a voice in the back of Ron's head. 'Can it?'
"Right then.. Hmmmm. I got it! I dare you to.lick cream off of Potter's face!" The girls in the group giggled manically while the boys had a disgusted look on their faces. Crabbe got up from his seat and asked Maddame Rosmerta if she had any spare whipped cream. She handed Crabbe the cream and he started to walk slowly back to the group. Just before Crabbe started spraying the whipped cream on Harry's face, he gave Ron a reproachful look and Ron returned it with an 'I'm sorry!' gaze.
As Crabbe began spraying the whipped cream over Harry's face and lips, Ron blushed. "Oh, go on Ron, it can't be that bad!" Hermione tried to reassure Ron but it didn't work. Ron started to think very nasty thoughts. 'Well at least I am going to enjoy this. But, Harry, it will be so humiliating for him!'. Ron advanced on Harry as Harry lay on the ground. Ron knelt over him and planted one hand on either side of Harry's head. He lowered his mouth until he reached about 2 inches about Harry's forehead. There were gasps from the audience in anticipation. Harry took a few staggering breaths as Ron's tongue grazed his forehead.
'At least I am liking this. Actually it is quite turning me on.' Harry thought as Ron then began to lap up the delicious cream on Harry's cheeks. He groaned in pleasure as Ron moved to Harry's lips to finish the dare off.
'Well, good thing my knickers are loose.' Both of them thought. This was getting way to arousing for the both of them. Harry gasped as Ron's tongue casually slipped into the crack between Harry's lips.

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A/N: I know it is kind of a cliff hanger. Don't worry it gets even hotter. Review me! Sorry this is my first fan fic so be nice!!!