I lay listlessly on the sofa while I waited for him. Billy was silent in the other room. I felt like a peeping tom, peering through the cracks at a private sorrow that wasn't mine.

I didn't take Jake long. The roar of my truck's engine broke the silence before I expected it. He helped me up from the couch without speaking, keeping his arm around my shoulder when the cold air outside made me shiver. He took the driver's seat without asking, and then pulled me next to his side to keep his arm tight around me. I leaned my head against his chest.

"How will you get home?" I asked.

"I'm not going home. We still haven't caught the bloodsucker, remember?"

My next shudder had nothing to do with cold.

It was a quiet ride after that. The cold air had woken me up. My mind was alert, and it was working very hard and very fast.

What if? What was the right thing to do?

I couldn't imagine my life without Jacob now-I cringed away from the idea of even trying to imagine that. Somehow, he'd become essential to my survival. But to leave things the way they were...was that cruel, as Mike had accused?

I remembered wishing that Jacob were my brother. I realized now that all I really wanted was a claim on him. It didn't feel brotherly when he held me like this. It just felt nice-warm and comforting and familiar. Safe. Jacob was a safe harbor.

I could stake a claim. I had that much within my power.

I'd have to tell him everything, I knew that. It was the only way to be fair. I'd have to explain it right, so that he'd know I wasn't settling, that he was much too good for me. He already knew I was broken, that part wouldn't surprise him, but he'd need to know the extent of it. I'd even have to admit that I was crazy-explain about the voices I heard. He'd need to know everything before he made a decision.

But, even as I recognized that necessity, I knew he would take me in spite of it all. He wouldn't even pause to think it through.

I would have to commit to this-commit as much of me as there was left, every one of the broken pieces. It was the only way to be fair to him. Would I? Could I?

Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my deceased Romeo, would it be so very wrong?

Jacob stopped the truck in front of my dark house, cutting the engine so it was suddenly silent. Like so many other times, he seemed to be in tune with my thoughts now.

He threw his other arm around me, crushing me against his chest, binding me to him. Again, this felt nice. Almost like being a whole person again.

I thought he would be thinking of Harry, but then he spoke, and his tone was apologetic, "Sorry. I know you don't feel exactly the same way I do, Bells. I swear I don't mind. I just so glad you're okay that I could sing-and that's something no one wants to hear." He laughed his throaty laugh in my ear.

My breathing kicked up a notch, sanding the walls of my throat.

Wouldn't Zachary, indifferent as he was now, want me to be as happy as was possible under the circumstances? Wouldn't enough emotion linger within me for me to get that much? I thought it should. He wouldn't begrudge me this: giving just a small bit of the love he didn't take to my friend Jacob. After all, it wasn't the same love at all.

Jake pressed his warm cheek against the top of my hair.

If I turned my face to the side-if I pressed my lips against his bare shoulder...I knew without any doubt exactly what would follow. It would be very easy. There would be no need for explanations tonight.

But could I do it? Could I betray my absent heart to save my pathetic life?

Butterflies assaulted my stomach as I thought about turning my head.

And then, as clearly as if I were in immediate danger, Zachary's velvet voice whispered in my ear.

"Be happy," he told me.

I froze.

Jacob felt me stiffen and released me automatically, reaching for the door.

Wait, I wanted to say. Just a minute. But I was still locked in place, listening to the echo of Zachary's voice in my head.

Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck, urging me to look towards Jacob from now on.

"Wait," I said, "Just a minute."

He let go of the door handle and looked into my eyes, "What is it? I thought you wanted me to go?"

"No. I-" I didn't know where to start. "I love you."

"I already knew that."

"No," how could I make him understand? "I really love you." I looked down at my hands.

In another demonstration of seeming to be on the same brainwave, Jake reached towards me, and gently grabbed my chin, forcing me to look back into his eyes. "I love you, too," he finally said.

He started to lean in for a kiss, but I turned away. It was too soon. It was too wrong. I had a million excuses to delay this inevitable moment.

I opened the passenger door and began to walk towards the house. Why was it so hard to give my heart to Jacob? Zachary was dead. I'd watched him die, though I wasn't the cause of it. Cliff diving. His buddies had thought it would be cool to play Truth or Dare. They had noticed that the Quileutes made it look so easy...easy enough to where anyone could do it. Even months after watching him fall, I still couldn't bear to be alone. I had tried to join him in order to end the voices and delusions, but I did not die.

I was saved by Jacob.

I owed him my life, so why was it so hard to give him my love?

I unlocked the front door and went straight upstairs to my bedroom. Without bothering to change my clothes, I fell onto my bed and was asleep before my head hit the pillow. It was another dreamless night. I was glad for it, though I did wonder why. I credited it to almost giving Jacob the very thing I owed him and that made me almost happy again. I always had fewer nightmares when Jake was around.