Amanda

My twin sister Louisa and I were arguing in the cold medium size kitchen that night. Our older sister Ashley wafted through the room not saying a word. She was letting us work things out on our own which is why she stayed quiet. She opened the fridge and took out a large green bottle of Canada Dry marked 'Kate' in black Sharpie.

Of course. It was always about Kate.

Kate was our 13 yr old sister who had leukemia. Shed been diagnosed at age 2. She was probably sick, again which is why Ashley had gotten the Canada dry out of the fridge. And was now taking it upstairs.

"No Amanda. I'm not going to let you do this to yourself!" Louisa shouted.

"Well, what if I want to?" I countered back.

"Do you want to die? End up like Kate?"

I already was slowly dying but other than our older brother Evan, who was 19, no one seemed to take much notice.

"I don't have cancer! She does. Hers is purely physical," I pointed out.

"Yeah well, you have some of the same symptoms."

I knew Louisa was right. Both Kate and I had nausea and dizziness.

"She doesn't have a choice. I do"

"Well, not any more," Louisa told me.

She was right.

When Louisa told me she wasn't going to let me do this to myself she meant she was going to do everything she could to help me live. As was my body. It's not so much that I wanted to die as I wanted to not be here.