Thank you all for all of your wonderful reviews. There are more Tonks and Remus missing moments coming soon, so stay tuned.

If you want a clearer picture of Tonks' apartment, read Christmas in London.

As usual, I own nothing.

As usual, reviews always welcome.


Remus stepped out of the great doors of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry into a world entirely devoid of color. He had never seen anything like it; the lake and the trunks of the trees were pitch black, but otherwise everything just looked gray. Dumbledore was dead, and it seemed as if nature itself was in mourning. The wind that whipped across Lupin's face held the promise of rain and although it was warm, but Remus shuddered involuntarily and gripped his coat tight around his body. With purpose in his stride, he walked through the rippling grass toward the woman standing alone on one of the small hills near the lake.

Tonks could feel Remus coming before she turned around and actually saw him drawing steadily nearer. She briefly considered wiping the tears that had escaped onto her cheeks away with the back of her hand, but then, realizing that Remus would know either way that she had been crying, she willed her hand remain still at her side.

"Wotcher Remus," she said weakly when he had reached her.

"Hello," he replied, cautiously.

There was a silence as both of them stared out at the lake, which had never before looked as ominous as it did now.

"I...uh... I'm sorry about calling you out in front of everyone. I let myself get carried away," said Tonks after a little while.

"It's alright."

"No really it isn't," she insisted "Now everybody knows and..."

"Molly and Arthur already knew," Remus reminded her gently.

"I know... I just...I can't...I..." Tonks burst out into tears, covering her face in her hands. All of the anguish and heartbreak and pain that had welled up inside of her over the past year threatened to come crushing down on her all at once. Sobs racked her body. Merlin, what had happened to her? She used to be so strong, so bright and so tough and now she was absolutely wretched.

To her surprise, strong, warm arms slowly wrapped around her. Her cheek brushed up against a rough woolen coat. She felt Remus' lips pressed against her hair.

"Shhh," he said, "It's alright."

If it was anyone else holding her and comforting her as if she were a child, she would have been embarrassed, but somehow, with Remus, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"I don't want to die!" she cried, still sobbing, into Remus' chest. "I can't die, I haven't done anything! I haven't... I... I don't want to die! I don't want anyone to die! I...I keep thinking that he's going to come back. That I'll wake up any minute and he'll be standing there. But I'm not going to wake up."

This was just like one of Tonks' dreams. Everything was gray and cold and there was no way out. No way they were going to win. "What do we do now?" she said "How can you breathe after? How can you sleep knowing that people are dying needlessly? How can you look at anyone and not think that this might be the last time you see them or touch them? I... I don't know what to do."

Her throat was tightly constricted and aching, her neck and chest were damp with tears. She looked up into Remus' face and saw the pain etched across his features. He was using every ounce of his self-control not to break down and cry with her.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" she asked, suddenly, in-between sobs.

Remus looked down at her, his expression blank. He said nothing.

Tonks sniffled a little. "Don't worry. I'm not proposing anything indecent." She said, trying to sound casual, but instead sounding just plain bitter. "You can sleep on the couch, or the bed and I'll take the couch. I just... I can't be alone, not tonight."

Remus considered her offer. He really had nowhere else to stay. Number Twelve Grimmauld Place was no longer safe, now that Snape had betrayed all of them. He could stay at The Burrow, but he was sure that Molly and Arthur had other things on their minds at the moment. He had given up his own pathetic little pad when he went to join the colony and he definitely could not go back to the colony. Tonks' place was as good a place as any to stay, at least for tonight.

"Alright," he said, finally. "I'll take you home."

They stood there for a little longer as Tonks regained her composure. The breeze seemed to grow colder as it lashed against their bodies. Remus sent a Patronus to the others telling them that Tonks and he were safe and they were going home. The two walked through the grounds and out the main gate and after they had walked a respectable distance, they Appararated and arrived outside of Tonks' apartment building.

Remus remembered the last time he had been there and found Tonks lying unconscious on the floor. He looked over at the quiet, solemn woman next to him. She was shivering in spite of the warm weather and looked only slightly better than the last time he had been here. He felt as if the world were falling to pieces around him but if he could protect Tonks and comfort her, just for tonight, maybe then he would feel better.

They walked up to the fourth floor in silence. Tonks fumbled with her keys a little as she went to unlock the door. Her body was on auto-pilot, the only body part she was conscious of was her heart, which felt like it had stopped beating about an hour ago.

The pair of them stepped into the apartment with their wands drawn, just in case. Once inside, Tonks preformed the necessary protection spells and Remus settled into the couch in front of the fireplace, he pointed to the grate with his wand and with a flick and a muttered incantation flames erupted and leapt between the logs. He felt Tonks sit on the opposite side of the couch and heard her sigh.

Tonks looked over to Remus, the flickering light of the fireplace danced over the panes of his face and made him look ten years older. She watched as his jaw clenched and unclenched. He was struggling to keep his composure as well as she.

"Would you like some tea?" she blurted out, determined to say something.

Remus looked over at her in surprise.

"Yes, please."

"I'll go put some on."

Tonks reluctantly left the comfort of the couch and walked over to the kitchen. With a swish of her wand, she had the water in the kettle boiling. She took out two tea cups and set them on the counter. They were truly pretty little tea cups, but Tonks had hardly ever used them before. They had been a gift from her mother when she had first moved in, her father, infinitely more sensible, had given her a dart board.

Tonks poured the water over the tea bags. Her hands still felt as if they were working through sheer muscle memory. She looked across the countertop and out to Remus sitting on the couch. Suddenly her mind was filled with images of him: Remus laying slaughtered on the floor, Remus torn apart by sets of angry white teeth, Remus struck down in a flash of green light.

She gave an involuntary shudder and sent one of the teacups to the floor where it promptly smashed into a hundred tiny pieces. Hot water splashed everywhere, scalding Tonks' bare arms. She let out a cry of pain.

"Tonks!" Remus cried out.

He was next to her before she could assure him that she was alright. He held her shoulders tight, peering into her face with those intense eyes. He had turned a ghastly shade of white.

"I'm alright," she said.

She saw Remus give an audible sigh of relief. His hands released their death-like grip on her shoulders and slid down her arms.

"Stop!" Tonks cried, as his hands brushed against her burnt skin.

Remus looked as though she had slapped him in the face. He pulled his hands away.

"The water burned me," said Tonks, lamely.

Remus looked down at her arms and let out a curse.

"I'm sorry," he muttered.

"My own fault. I shouldn't even own china, this is what always happens." She stooped down to pick up a piece of the smashed cup, but stopped abruptly and let out a small cry when her forearm brushed against her jeans.

Remus felt as though he were in the middle of a thick haze, unable to move or breathe or see anything clearly. Adrenaline was still pumping through his veins and his heartbeat was still as fast as it had been when he had thought Tonks was being attacked. He tried to concentrate and force his brain into using logic. What was happening? Dumbledore was dead.

He shook that thought away. There was nothing he could do about that. There was a teacup smashed on the floor and Tonks was burnt. That he could do something about.

"Here," Remus gently grabbed hold of one of Tonks' wrists. "Come over here." He led her over to the sink and ran some cold water. He pulled Tonks' arms underneath. She inhaled sharply.

"It's only temporary," he explained. "Do you have anything for the burns? Jacobswort? Honeywell?"

"Yes, in the bathroom cupboard."

"Right."

Remus retrieved the small jar of cool, white balm labeled Madam Hoxie's Honeywell Cure for Minor Burns and quickly made his way back to the kitchen. Tonks still had her forearms under the running water.

Remus looked at the smashed tea cup on the floor and figured he should deal with that first.

"Reparo," he muttered, pointing at the shards with his wand.

The cup flew gracefully back together and landed, fully formed, onto the countertop.

"Let me see your arms," he said, moving over to the sink and peering over Tonks' shoulder.

Tonks' burns were now a glaring shade of red. They were already slightly elevated. Remus deftly turned the cold water off and drew her arms out.

"How do they feel?" he asked.

"Numb" Tonks gave a weak smile.

Remus unscrewed the lid of the small jar and scooped out a good amount of the cold, white cream and smoothed it over Tonks' right arm, watching the burns fade. He rubbed the cream over her arm until every trace of red was obliterated, then he moved on to the left arm.

Somewhere in the midst of rubbing her left arm he realized that he did not want to let go. He didn't want to lose physical contact with her. He wanted to know that she was safe and alive at all times.

He pulled his hands away quickly. He was forgetting himself tonight. He couldn't touch her, wouldn't touch her, because it would lead to something he couldn't afford. He glanced at the two teacups sitting on the counter.

"I don't think I'm in the mood for tea anymore."

Tonks nodded her head in agreement. "Me neither." Her burns were gone now, but she was left with another kind of pain. She wanted Remus to keep touching her, slowly caressing her arm and looking down at her with love and concern in his eyes.

"I have firewhiskey in the cabinet if you'd care for that," she said.

"Yes, please," he said hoarsely, a little too eagerly.

Tonks understood, she wanted to drink and drink and forget everything that happened. She knew she was going to have horrible dreams, people screaming and children crying and evil laughter and Remus dead, everyone dead.

She took out two plastic tumblers and poured liberal amounts of firewhiskey into each of them. Remus took his gratefully and both returned to the couch.

Tonks took a gulp of her drink and felt the heat trickling down through her chest. She couldn't believe how cold she felt.

"Thank you, for fixing my cup," she said.

"It was nothing."

"It was clumsy even for me, it's just that I was thinking about..." Tonks stopped. The images were beginning to flood through her head again, unbidden.

"About?"

"Nothing," she said. She didn't want to cry again. She took another small sip of her drink and she noted that Remus did the same.

"He helped me out once you know. Dumbledore," Tonks explained when Remus looked at her curiously.

"Before I was in the Order, I mean," she amended. "I had this one cow of a Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Professor Alocious, she only stayed a year, but that year was hell. She had some kind of personal vendetta against me and my hair. Sure, she got on some of the other girls for wearing make-up, she said proper young ladies didn't wear make-up. But most of all, proper young ladies definitely did not dye their hair all sorts of ridiculous colors! She said that since I was so hungry for attention, I should sit in the front of the class. She called on me first for every question, called me up when she had to do demonstrations. It was awful."

"Why didn't you just change your hair?" asked Remus, reasonably.

"It was my hair wasn't it?" Tonks said defiantly, "Who was she to tell me what color it should be? No matter what I looked like on a certain day, I always made sure that my hair was bright pink when I was in her class."

Remus smiled. She sounded so much like Sirius. He found himself absentmindedly wishing that she was older, so that he could have known her in school.

She sighed. "I needed to get good marks in the class, I wanted to become an Auror after all. But one day I was ill and I was tired and I had just had enough." She took another small sip of her firewhiskey. "So I changed my hair, came in with all of the other students and sat in the back of the class."

Tonks adopted a low, absurdly formal voice.

"'I see Miss Tonks didn't find it fitting to join us today,' she said to the class. And I was about to speak when she kept going. 'That girl is an absolute mess. I hope none of you follow her example and try to look more like a neon sign than a human being. I can assure you, it attracts only the wrong kind of attention.'

Now everyone in the room is shocked, because they all know that I'm there. And I'm boiling like a kettle in the back. And she keeps going, she starts to say

'Miss Tonks is the kind of girl...'

And I scream out, 'What kind of girl am I?' and I completely lose it. I tell her that she's a cow and the worst teacher I've ever had, I tell her that the reason she doesn't like make-up is because no amount of it would do her any good. And I tell her that she's a shallow, stuck-up, bully who has no business being at Hogwarts at all. And I storm out of the classroom."

Remus looked at Tonks in awe. No one he knew had ever stood up to a teacher like that. Not even Sirius or James. He took a swig of his firewhiskey and coughed a little. Tonks shot him a concerned glance.

"I'm alright," he said hoarsely, "Go on."

"So that night I get a notice that says that I have a meeting with the Headmaster and I'm shaking in my boots. I had only seen Dumbledore at the head table during meals. So I went to his office as jumpy as a Blast-Ended Skrewt.

'Come in Nymphadora,' he said. 'Have a seat.' He looked nice enough but I honestly thought that I was going to be expelled.

'Nymphadora, it appears that you have had an altercation with Professor Alocious,' he said.

'Yes sir," I said.

'I have heard the account from Professor Alocious already but I thought that I had better get your side of the story as well.'

I swallow as hard as I can and I tell him. 'Well sir, she's been hard on me ever since the first day and I don't mind it that much, honestly sir, because I know not everyone likes my hair. But today I was just tired and a little ill and I just wanted to have a normal class, so I changed my hair and... oh... sir, you know that I'm a –'

'A Metamorphmagus, yes,' he said kindly 'Go on.'

'And she started saying all of these horrible things about me, because she thought I wasn't there and I couldn't stand it. To not like my hair is one thing, to make me sit in the front of the class is one thing, but to insinuate things about me to the class, well, it's not right.'

He just sits there, staring at me and I know I'm not making any sense but I just can't stop talking.
'I... I know that I shouldn't have said some of the things that I did when I was yelling. I do have a tendency to let my temper get the best of me sometimes,' I admit.

'A quality that even some of the best men possess.' He says, then he leans back in his chair. 'The key is to learn to utilize said temper in only the most critical situations.' Then he smiles at me. 'Very well, Miss. Tonks, you may return to your dormitory.'

I can't believe my ears. 'I'm not expelled?' I asked.

'No, Miss. Tonks. You are not expelled. We do not expel students for defending themselves necessarily.'

And so I went back to my house. And to this day, I don't know what Dumbledore said to Alocious, but she left me alone for the rest of the year, granted there was only about a month left, but it was worth it."

Tonks smiled at the memory. She could still picture the expression on Professor Alocious's face when she gave her a piece of her mind; her thin eyebrows shooting up into her skull and her weak chin quivering in anger. She was startled out of the memory by a crack in the fireplace. She looked over to Remus, who looked weary. She took another sip of the firewhiskey.

"I just... I can't believe that he's dead," she said "It doesn't seem real. We're at war now, an open war. As much as I thought I had prepared myself for this to happen, it doesn't seem real."

"No, it doesn't seem real." Remus said, not turning to look at her. "It never seems real, but it always is. It's a war." His voice was hoarse and harsh. "There will always be casualties."

"Dumbledore wasn't just a casualty." Tonks reminded him. "He was murdered. In cold blood. Merlin, if I ever see Snape again, I'll... I'll kill him. Dumbledore trusted him! And we all trusted him by association!"

"Dumbledore always had a habit of trusting in people who, to all outward appearances were... well, untrustworthy," said Remus. Tonks couldn't help but notice the bitterness in his voice. "I always felt bad for Snape."

"Why?" Tonks was half curious and half disgusted.

"Well," he started, taking a sip of his firewhiskey, "Partially because Sirius and James and I were all particularly cruel to him when we were in school together. But mostly it's because we were so much alike. He had to live with the constant weight of suspicion and judgment and dislike levied on him, with Dumbledore alone to protect him."

"You're completely different, Remus."

"How?" he asked, his voice bitter and hard.

"What did Snape have going against him when he got to Hogwarts? Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

"I expect his family didn't exactly have a white-picket fence."

"So what? Harry's family is absolutely awful and he turned out fine, better than fine. Sirius too."

Remus remained silent.

"Snape earned people's mistrust, through his personality and his actions. He didn't have to be such a git to people, just like he didn't have to go and join the Death Eaters," she said. She sounded absolutely incensed. "You, you're the exact opposite. People judged you based on something that you can't help. You worked hard to earn people's love and friendship and acceptance. Dumbledore had every reason to trust you, you're a good man."

"I owe everything to Dumbledore," Remus said, still staring into the fire. "He gave me a home at Hogwarts. He gave me a chance to have friends, real friends. And then, years later, he gave me a job. I might have never have met Harry if it weren't for him, never known that Sirius was innocent. I..." he faltered for a second and then regained his composure "...and now he's dead. Just like everybody else who cared about me."

His parents, James and Lily, Sirius, and now Dumbledore. All of them were gone. He felt a burst of anger toward Snape. He wanted to find him and rip him apart with his bare hands, Sirius had been right about him this entire time, he was a slimy, sniveling git.

"That's not true Remus," Tonks' voice had lost all of its anger and now it just sounded sad. "Me and everyone in the Order, we all still care about you." Remus looked back over at Tonks, his anger subsiding.

She was right, he admitted begrudgingly to himself. Molly and Arthur cared about him, as did the rest of the Weaselys. Harry cared about him along with Hermione, and... and Tonks cared about him.

He looked at the woman sitting next to him. She cared about him. More than that, she loved him. He brought his fingers up toward her face and cupped her cheek in his hand. After a second, she leaned into it, her lips brushing the bottom of his palm. Her skin was so soft.

He loved this woman with all of his heart. His body was aching, containing the grief and pain and desire that had been stored inside of it for so long. He remembered the last time he had touched her like this, the last time he had been happy, the last time his head had not throbbed with the pain of loneliness and despair.

Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world.

On impulse, Remus leaned over and kissed her. He kissed her and joined all of his fury and misery and hunger with hers. They both needed this tonight. They needed to feel whole again. They needed someone to understand how their insides felt torn to shreds. The kiss deepened. Her hands were entangled in his hair and he made a frantic wish that she would never stop touching him, never stop loving him, unaware that she was, at that moment, making the very same wish.

His senses were engulfed in her, the smell of her perfume, the taste of her lips and her skin, the warmth of her body against his own. He needed her. He needed all of her.

Damn Snape! Damn Greyback! Damn Voldemort! Damn everybody! If he was going to die in this war, he was going to die with the memory of her skin and her lips and her eyes and her love held fast in his mind.

Tonks could barely make sense of what was happening. She only knew that she wanted this, badly. Even though it was probably the worst possible time to be doing this and she should probably feel horribly guilty right now, she couldn't. His mouth traveled down her neck. She could hardly stand the heat of having him so near to her. She let out a low moan of pleasure.

She had so many dreams of being wrapped in Remus' arm, enveloped in complete bliss. And she would always wake up the next morning, alone and feeling as though she had lost a limb.

She pulled away, "Remus... Remus stop."

Remus surfaced from her collar bone with hurt blazing in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he choked out, sitting back upright on the couch and looking down at his hands. "I didn't mean to..."

"No, no. It's not that." She grabbed his hands in hers and held them tight. Remus glanced up at her and now he just looked confused. "I want this. I really do, I don't think I can explain to you just how much I want you right now. But... but..."

Merlin, she couldn't believe she was doing this. She took a deep breath.

"I don't know if this is what you want," she said. She peered into his eyes searching for some kind of affirmation. "I don't want to wake up tomorrow morning and find nothing next to me but an empty space. I don't want you to stop talking to me and stop seeing me because you think you made a mistake. I don't... I don't think you realize how much it hurts me every time you leave."

Remus looked at her, her brown hair, her pale, thin face, the look of sheer exhaustion carved into her features. Guilt washed over him. He had done this to her.

He felt as if he had been struck by lighting, the moment was finally here, in this moment, he either needed to give her up once and for all, or become the man she needed, someone who stayed with her through thick and thin.

Thoughts half formed rushed through his head. She loved him. She had proved it over and over again. He was a danger to her. He loved her. He was too old. There was a war. He was going to die. She was going to die. He loved her. He kept hurting her. He loved her. He couldn't keep hurting her. He didn't want to hurt.

Dumbledore would have been happier than anybody to think that there was a little more love in the world.

Remus looked down at their interlocked hands. Tonks' hands were emitting an almost unnatural heat and he noticed that she was shaking slightly, waiting for his reaction. Her lips, bright pink and shining from kissing, were parted slightly and Remus could hear her draw breath after shaky breath. Finally he found the courage to speak.

"I...I know that I've been less than clear about my intentions, Tonks, and I'm sorry." Remus spoke calmly and evenly. Tonks prepared herself for the worst.

"I know that I've hurt you but..." Tonks felt as if she was going to burst into a million pieces. "I... I want to be with you,"

Tonks' eyes simply lit up. But she held back the urge to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him senseless.

"What did you say?" she asked, hardly believing her ears.

"I want to be with you." Remus repeated, this time quicker and more decisive.

Tonks smiled the most beautiful smile that Remus could have ever imagined and at that moment he knew that he had made the right choice.

"We just... we need to take this slow," he said.

"I can do slow." She said, still grinning. Heck, slow was better than nothing!

She leaned in to kiss him again. And this time the kiss was sweeter, lighter and when she pulled back, Remus was smiling. He looked at her and surprise registered over his face, then he laughed. Tonks thought it was the most wonderful sound in the world.

He reached out and took a strand of her hair in-between his fingers and brought it out in front of her face.

For the first time in nearly a year, her hair was bright, bubble-gum pink.