I was so angry at last night's episode. I expected Elena to apologize, be sorry, something, but she only pissed me off more. Who says get over it after they say something they don't mean. The only highlight of the episode was the Damon/Stefan scene at the end. I was so touched by what Damon did for Stefan. He is clearly the better person. I was inspired by the episode, and so I wrote this instead of my latest update for Setting Things Right.
I drive up to the boardinghouse fuming in righteous anger. My best friend might never speak to me again and it was his fault. A part of me knows that Damon turned Bonnie's mother to protect me, but that doesn't alleviate my indignation or more importantly my guilt. Once I walk through the door that I slam shut, I see Stefan sitting by himself on the couch staring off into the fireplace. I almost stop to ask him what is on his mind before I remember that I am on a mission. "Where is he," I ask Stefan, my voice rising with every word?
"Not here I'm afraid. He went out to get some more blood bags half an hour ago. Feel free to wait for him." Stefan answers while gesturing towards the couch, indicating that I should sit. "Some time might help you let go of some of that anger," he replies uncharacteristically calm.
I study Stefan for a moment briefly puzzled. This isn't the same vampire that has been terrorizing Mystic Falls the past few weeks with his rash actions. Stefan doesn't appear jittery or angry, and the mask of indifference that he has been wearing for months appeared to be fading. The man before me seems quieter, more in control, and dare I say it broodier. His telltale worried vampire look has reappeared. It is a relief to see it again. For the first time since Stefan left, it feels like he is home again. This realization does not however help me forget my reason for coming. After I stop staring, I tell Stefan, "I think I'll hold on to my anger for a while. It seems I've earned it."
"That might be so, but don't think for a moment that Damon hasn't earned his own anger in all of this," Stefan counters. "Let's not forget that it was our insistence that Damon stop caring so much that led him down this path. He's acting like his old self again and we have no one but ourselves to blame." My shoulders slump and I quickly look away from Stefan's judging eyes. The truth of his words wash over me, and the guilt comes rushing in. Stefan sees my despair and takes pity on me. "It should be some comfort to know that regardless of his cavalier attitude lately, Damon is still holding onto his humanity," Stefan assures me.
"How can you know," I question in a much quieter tone? "Damon acts like he doesn't care what I think anymore, just like before." Sadness gradually replaces the anger in my voice. "He slept with Rebekah to hurt me, and he just turned my best friend's mother into a vampire. I'd say he's taking a vacation from caring for a while."
Stefan smirks, apparently amused by something I've said. "I thought you of all people were smarter than to fall for that act. I know my brother, better than anyone. He still feels, more deeply than anyone truly knows. Despite our deception at the ball, Damon is still determined to protect us. Not that we deserve it," Stefan replies bitterly. He abruptly stands up and turns his back to me and resumes his gazing at the fireplace. His own guilt has clearly taken root in him. I don't know whether to be relieved or worried.
"What do you mean protect us," I ask obviously confused? "Damon turned Abby to protect me. What did he do to protect you," I wonder?
Stefan's guilt grows by the second until he is drowning in it. I worry that all the negative emotions will convince him to turn it off and give up, but he stays strong. "Damon turned Abby to protect me too. He knew that you would hate whoever turned her, so we flipped a coin. Whoever lost had to turn Abby and whoever won had to distract Bonnie. I lost," Stefan confesses shame evident all over his face.
I start putting the pieces together, and I realize, "Damon turned Abby anyway, so you wouldn't have to, so I wouldn't hate you." Tears start forming on my face, and they fall before I can stop them. "Why, why was it so important that I hate him and not you," I demand my voice breaking as I speak?
"Guilt can be a powerful motivator Elena," Stefan states as if that explains everything. "After that night on Wickery Bridge, I felt guilt and shame like I have never experienced before. You are the woman that I love, and I hurt you the worst. That shame stayed with me all this time, and it helped me find the strength to abstain from human blood," Stefan explains. The realization of what Stefan says dawns on me. His sudden change of attitude now makes perfect sense. The blood isn't controlling him any longer. He's free.
The gears start turning in my head as I make sense of the last piece of the puzzle. "Damon was worried that me hating you would push you over the edge again," I deduce. Stefan makes no moves to deny it and simply nods his head. "He kept his promise," I whisper mostly to myself.
"What promise," Stefan inquires? I occasionally forget how much he still doesn't understand about what happened when he was gone. There were a thousand moments that I could never explain, not even to myself.
"After you left, Damon promised me that he would drag you back from the edge and deliver you back to me. He sacrificed his chance with me to keep that promise, because he thought he needed to, because he thought I needed you more than I needed him," I realize hopelessly. What Damon doesn't know is that he is wrong. I never could have survived the last several months without him. I shouldn't be surprised that Damon doesn't grasp how much I need him. I have done everything in my power to convince him that I don't care. Stefan was right; Damon has every reason to be mad at me. My heart breaks at the realization.
Stefan starts talking calmly again, either to me or to himself, I still don't know. As the words come out he seems lost in another world far far away. "All our lives Damon has played the part he thought was assigned to him, the villain, the bad boy. He stepped up when I left, because he knew that you needed him to be a good man. You needed someone who cared about you. Now that I'm getting back to my old self, he thinks that you need him to be the villain again. In his mind, someone has to save us from our bad decisions. Someone has to be the bad guy to protect everyone. It's tragic in a way, when you realize his actions are nobler than ours. It's easy to be the good person that everyone loves. It's much harder to be the person that everyone needs but hates," Stefan concludes. After a moment, he puts down the drink he's been holding and leaves me to wait in solitude. I'm not sure if he leaves because he can't stand to be around me or himself, but I let him go all the same. I can't help Stefan now, I never could. Damon was the only person who truly understood him, and in the end it appears he was the one to save Stefan from himself. At least I was right about something.
I spend a few minutes wallowing in self-loathing until I vow to pick myself up and do something about it. I don't like the person that I'm becoming. Cold, manipulative, cruel, these are adjectives used to describe Katherine, but lately they apply to me too. I was becoming the one person I loathed the most. I took out my cell phone and texted Damon to meet me at my house in 20 minutes. No matter how mad he was at me, I knew he would still show if I asked him to. I was done taking that for granted.
Please review. I may expand this story if I get enough positive feedback.
