Stronger
Disclaimer; all characters and copyright belong to SM.
A/N-set in Eclipse AU! Edward disables Bella's truck preventing her from driving to the reservation. I was challenged to write a stronger Bella. Quite a few readers expressed frustration that I always make her too whiny and weak. Well here goes….
"But can you understand why [not knowing where you are] might make me a bit…anxious?"
Edward to Bella, Eclipse.
Bella's knuckles turned white as she gripped the steering wheel. Her jaw was set so tight that it began to ache. She couldn't even look at Edward right now. She was so angry. The anger bubbled in her throat, threatening to erupt if she didn't keep her lips pressed together. Bella couldn't believe his audacity. He had disabled her truck, preventing her from driving to the reservation to see Jacob. For him to do it so quickly meant that he must have been watching the house and been in close contact with Alice. She had only just made the decision to go and see Jacob. Charlie had been urging her for days to go and make it up with her best friend. He was tiring of passing notes back and forth between them. He thought they were acting like kindergarteners. Her father didn't realise that this was the only way she could communicate with Jacob. He wouldn't come to the phone when she called. She hadn't been able to visit the reservation because she worried that she wouldn't be welcome, but predominantly because Edward had put his foot down about her socialising with the wolves.
"They are unpredictable, Bella." Edward said quietly.
Unpredictable. He was calling the wolf pack unpredictable. Meaning dangerous. He was inferring that Jacob could lose control around her like Sam had done with Emily. That was a farce for a start. How he could sit there and claim that about the shapeshifters when he tolerated Jasper being around her. The same Jasper who had lost control and given into his bloodlust during the party that she hadn't wanted in the first place. Edward was being a hypocrite. Bella flexed her fingers as she peeled them off the steering wheel one by one. She was so mad that she was physically shaking with it.
"I'll understand if you don't want me in your room tonight." Edward continued. "If the window is closed I'll stay away." His voice dropped an octave.
Bella swallowed thickly. Was he for real? She was so damn sick of being controlled. She had been under virtual house arrest since returning from Italy. She was isolated, again. Her friends had drifted away, preferring to keep their distance now that Edward and his family were back in her life. She hadn't seen Jacob in weeks.
"Fix my truck." Bella spat the words out through gritted teeth. "Fix my truck. Now."
Edward looked at her strangely; seemingly uncomfortable with the way she was speaking to him. "No, Bella. I'm sorry if this upsets you. But can you understand why not knowing where you are might make me a bit…anxious?"
"Anxious." Bella echoed him in disbelief. Her anger was boiling over. Any second now she was going to explode. "This isn't about anxiety. It's about control. You want me to go inside the house like a good little girl and do as I'm told." She slowly turned to face Edward. Her brown eyes sparked with anger. "You are not my father, Edward. That's Charlie's role."
"I am not trying to control you, Bella. I am trying to keep you safe." Edward retorted. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "And please don't paint me in that light again. I have never acted like a parent. Right now you are acting like a child. You need to get your priorities straight. Seeing Jacob Black is not one of them."
"Keep me safe?" Bella was incredulous. She pushed on the handle and the heavy iron door of the Chevy swung open. Cool air swirled into the cab, soothing Bella's fevered brow. "I am in danger because of you. How can you call Jacob unpredictable when he and his pack are the ones that have kept me alive during the last few months?"
Edward was struggling to deal with her anger. He wasn't used to her answering back like this and speaking her mind. In the past if she was upset with him she usually kept her feelings to herself until she calmed down enough to forgive him. But she was expressing her disappointment in him. It hurt. He wasn't controlling. He was doing his best to protect her, even from herself. Danger was never far away. She attracted trouble. "I will never forgive myself for leaving you, Bella. I thought I was doing the right thing."
"Well how convenient for you." Bella sneered. Her face was white in the darkness. How often had she played this scene in her mind? Countless times. Since she had returned from Italy she had hidden her resentment from Edward and the others, choosing instead to internalise her unhappiness instead of calling him out on his behaviour. But something inside her had shifted. Disabling her truck was a step too far. Edward hadn't realised how much she had changed since he had stepped out of her life and left her to rot. Being around Jacob had altered her view of the world and her place in it. She never had trouble calling her shapeshifting best friend out on his bullshit. So why did she not do the same with Edward. Fear. That was why. She was scared of losing him again. Since his return he had been using that very fear to keep her compliant as he fell into old habits and began to push all those that mattered to Bella out of her life. Not anymore.
Edward pinched the bridge of his nose as his frustration began to build. "I am not going to argue with you, Bella."
"The truth hurts doesn't it?" Bella said bitterly. She watched Edward flinch. She climbed out of the cab of the truck, holding onto the door. "What you don't realise Edward is that I changed while you were away licking your wounds. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet again. It was hard. At times I almost didn't make it. But Jacob was there; always ready to pull me back onto my feet. He protected me. He and his pack kept me safe. Even when I tested his patience with my constant need to wallow in my own misery, he still chose to stand by me."
"Bella…." Edward moaned.
"Shut up." Bella said harshly. "For once listen to me."
Edward became stock still. His golden brown eyes were pleading, begging for her to stop this personal attack. His ego was bruised. He was bleeding from her verbal assault. "I explained why I left."
"I don't really care about your reasons why." Bella continued icily. "All I know is since day one our relationship was built on your terms. It was your way or nothing. My feelings didn't count."
"That's not true." Edward protested.
"I didn't want to go to prom, but you tricked me into attending. I didn't want that stupid birthday party but you played on my guilt and manipulated me into going. "
"I wanted you to have all the human experiences I never got to have." Edward implored.
"There you go again making it all about you." Bella was getting tired of this conversation now. She just wanted to go back inside. Edward's last tenuous hold on her began to weaken. "It was your decision to end it. You didn't even have the courtesy to tell me the proper truth. You made up a load of lies, dragging my self-esteem into the gutter in the process. I don't know whether I was grieving for your loss or because you made me feel so worthless I didn't think I was good enough for anybody to love. The puppet master was gone and I had no one to pull my strings."
"It was never like that." Edward cried. "I love you. I never manipulated you or tried to control you. You're angry. I get that. But it's making you irrational."
"The sad thing is you can't even see that you're doing it right now. Already you're twisting my words to suit yourself so you can throw them back at me later." Bella gazed up into his handsome face, for once not feeling the usual fear about upsetting him. She felt detached, as if one step removed from the situation. "My window will be shut permanently, Edward. You need to start respecting my boundaries. Coming into my room to watch me sleep without my consent or knowledge is no longer acceptable. Letting you get away with invading my privacy in the first place set the tone for our relationship from the start. For that I only have myself to blame." She paused for a few seconds and inhaled deeply to give herself courage. She raised her head and looked him directly in the eyes. "Goodbye, Edward."
Bella shut the Chevy's door sealing him inside before walking back into the house. She didn't look back.
Bella could feel Charlie's eyes on her as he drove her to La Push. He hadn't been able to hide his surprise when she had accepted his offer of a lift. He had been expecting outright refusal. Bella glanced at him and met his curious gaze. He was obviously fighting the urge to say what was on his mind. She wished he would just be open with her. He was just like her, afraid to speak his mind in fear of upsetting her.
"Just say it, dad.
"Say what?" Charlie asked cautiously.
"You have something on your mind."
"Uh huh." Charlie was not very articulate when it came to emotions. Give him a crisis at work to deal with; he was as cool as a cucumber. But force him to try and converse with his teenage daughter, he became tongue tied.
"I'm listening." Bella urged him.
Charlie cleared his throat awkwardly. He glanced at Bella again before focusing on the road. His fingers tapped the steering wheel. "Why the change of heart?" He asked eventually.
"It was time." Bella's eyes snapped to his. "I don't think I really apologised properly for running away again. I'm sorry. I promise not to put you through that again."
Charlie's face relaxed. His tight grip on the steering wheel loosened. "I'm glad you're going to make it up to Jacob, Bells. That boy has been good to you. He's family."
"I know." Bella agreed with a glimmer of a smile.
While Charlie visited Billy in the house, Bella did the same with Jacob in the Taj. Her heart was in her throat as she approached the garage. She tried to steady her nerves. Considering how tense things had been between them, Bella wouldn't blame Jacob if he told her to go to hell. Was she up for grovelling? Maybe. But only up to a point. She hovered outside the door, working up the courage to step inside. The speech she had rehearsed on the journey there had already flown out of her head.
"I know you're out there." Jacob's deep voice startled her. "I could smell you a mile away."
Bella shoved the heavy doors open and sidled inside. The interior of the Taj was mostly dark. A kerosene lamp was the only light. Its subtle glow highlighted Jacob's tall frame. He was bent under the hood of the VW Rabbit, fiddling with something. He didn't turn around or greet her when she approached. He wasn't going to make this easy. Well, she deserved it she supposed. But it was hard talking to someone's back. Bella cleared her throat.
"I suppose you're here to say sorry." Jacob's tone was full of sarcasm. He ducked down and reached into his tool box, fumbling around for a screwdriver. He still refused to look at Bella.
"No, actually." His supposition already had Bella's back up. She scowled, eyes narrowing. Her foot tapped on the concrete floor.
"No?" Jacob said gruffly. He twirled the screwdriver between his fingers. "Then why are you here."
"I came to see my best friend but he seems to have been replaced with a jerk." Bella snapped.
Jacob's dark eyes darted to Bella. He tried to keep his expression serious but he was fighting a smile. "Dammit, Bells. You'd think I would be able to stay pissed at you for one minute." He said in frustration.
"Hello, Jake." Bella greeted him with a smug smile.
A/N-thanks for reading!
