Sesame Street on Campus


At Sesame University, the day was done. People and Muppets alike all over were driving home or heading towards the dorm. That's when Ernie, Bert, Prairie Dawn, and Roosevelt Franklin, now in college, drove by in a 1975 Pacer heading out to eat before they went back to the dorm.

"Watch out for the pigeons, Ernie!" Bert, who was sitting in the passenger seat, surely hadn't changed much over the years. He was still paranoid and neurotic as ever, was as big of a pigeon, oatmeal, and paper clip- and bottle cap- collecting enthusiast as ever, and wore a pair of khaki cargo pants, an official "W Lover" t shirt, Doc Martens, and a small green beanie. His hair had grown too; it was now nearly shoulder-length.

"Don't worry Bert! I know what I'm doing!" Ernie, who was driving, was still the same as well. He always had a hold of Rubber Duckie by attaching him to the chain he wore on the side of his very baggy dark blue jeans, and he also wore a flame-designed hoodie and a pair of beat-up Converse sneakers. His hair was a bit spiked and to Bert's disgust, had his ears and eyebrow pierced.

Prairie Dawn and Roosevelt Franklin were in the back seat arm in arm. They had been dating since their junior year in high school. Prairie Dawn was now the head of Drama class, as Roosevelt Franklin ran the poetry club with his long-time friends Smart Tina, Hard Head Henry Harris, and Baby Bree Boo Bop a Doo.

At the diner, Ernie and Bert and Prairie Dawn and Roosevelt Franklin sat at opposite ends of a booth.

"So how was your day?" Bert asked Prairie as he looked at the menu.

"Oh, tiring as usual," she replied. "Even college students can act like Junior High kids…we had to recite the play four times before we got a single line right. And Grover…oh man, he was the most difficult."

"How about you, Roosevelt?" Ernie asked.

"Same old, same old, man," he replied. "Just the usual chit chat and bric-a-brac. Get it, brother?"

"Heh, not really, Roosevelt." Ernie had ordered a large banana split, a large Figgy Fizz soda, and an order of chili cheese fries.

"Ernie!" Bert exclaimed as he ordered a large bowl of oatmeal and a glass of water. "You should really watch how many calories are in there! We've gone past our high metabolisms already!"

"Hey, Ernie's just being himself," Roosevelt replied. "Let him play his own game."

"All right," Bert said. "But don't come crying to me if you gain 25 pounds…"

****

Back at the dorm, Ernie and Bert had just walked into their room. It was set up very similar to how their apartment was back on Sesame Street. And of course Bert's side was clean and Ernie's looked as though a bomb hit it. Bernice, Bert's long-time pet pigeon, was sitting patiently on her perch.

"Remember when we first came here, Bert?" Ernie asked as he kicked off his sneakers. "It was a whole new world compared to high school." He squeaked his Rubber Duckie and smiled. "You know what else, Bert?"

"What, Ernie?" Bert said slightly annoyed as he stroked Bernice's feathers. Ernie still had a bad habit of asking old buddy Bert too many questions!

"I'd still like to visit the moon…"

Bert shook his head. "Oh, Ernie. You've talked about this for years!"

"I know Bert…but I still like to think about it! And maybe I could live on one of those colonies they might build up there!" Ernie laughed his signature 'heeh heeeh!'

"One thing I've thought of is that we've never had girlfriends," Bert said. "When I see Roosevelt and Prairie, it makes me think about it even more."

"Bert, I've thought about that a little myself," Ernie replied. "But I've thought even more about visiting the moon."

"Well Ernie, I guess we have to wait until we meet the right girls, I suppose. Now we'd better get to sleep soon, we've got a test tomorrow in Professor Hastings' class."

"Yech!" Ernie stuck out his tongue. "That class is the pits! Well, goodnight Bert old pal."

****

"All right, class!" Professor Hastings said the next morning. "We shall begin the exam. You have 45 minutes to get it done. I'm sure you'll all do great since I just know you all studied instead of doing unconstructive laziness. All right…begin!

Bert got through that exam within ten minutes. He always studied, no matter what Ernie did. Ernie on the other hand was a bit slower. He of course got good grades like Bert, but Ernie just wasn't as focused. And of course, Professor Hastings bored himself so much that he fell asleep…
Finally, the period was over and it was time for lunch. Bert was meeting Ernie, Prairie and Roosevelt to go out to eat, but he had just found a paper clip and was going to add it to his box in his room. That's when he bumped into somebody…

"Oh, I'm real sorry!" Bert exclaimed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, thanks for asking," she replied, and noticed her paper clips all over the ground. "Oh dear…could you help me pick these up?"

"Heh, sure…" Bert couldn't believe it. The girl he had bumped into looked exactly like he did! She had the same yellow skin color, the same head shape, the same removable nose, same unibrow…well, you get the idea. The only thing that was different was that she had shoulder-length black hair with very long side-bangs.

"I'm Bonnie," she smiled at him as she picked up paper clips one by one. "You are?"

"Oh, I'm Bert," he said, picking up some paperclips as well. "Hey…you collect paper clips!? I thought I was the only one!"

"You mean, you do too!?" Bonnie exclaimed. "So do I! I also collect bottle caps. Do you?"

"Oh yeah!" Bert picked up more paperclips until there were no more on the ground. "I have 368 in my collection."

"Oh wow. You know, I was just about to get some oatmeal. Would you like to come?"

"Sure thing! Let me get my friends and we can go to that diner."

"I'd better get my friend, Elly. See ya in a bit!"

As Bert watched her go, he thought, "Could she be the one for me?"

****

As soon as Bert had found Ernie, Prairie, and Roosevelt he met Bonnie and her friend by Ernie's Pacer.

"Bonnie," Bert said. "This is my best friend, Ernie, and our friends Prairie Dawn and Roosevelt Franklin…we've all known each other since play group."

"Hey, that's how long Elly and I have known each other," Bonnie gestured to the girl next to her who looked very much like Ernie. She had very much the same features he did except for longer hair. Ernie couldn't believe the resemblance like Bert couldn't believe how much he and Bonnie looked alike.

"Hey," Elly said. "You Ernie?"

"Sure am!" Ernie replied. "And this is Rubber Duckie!"

"And this is my Rubber Duckie!" she laughed and pulled it out of her pocket. "I've had him since I was really little."

They began to sing melodically, "Rubber duckie, you're the one…you make bath time lots of fun…" then laughed their snickers.

"Hey," Roosevelt smiled. "These your girlfriends?"

"Well, Roosevelt," Bert shrugged. "We just met five minutes ago…"

"But they will be eventually?"

"Well, maybe," Bert blushed a bit. "Come on, let's go!"

****

"So," Bert said to Bonnie, trying start a conversation as soon as they got to the diner and sat in a large booth. "I haven't seen you or Elly around before. Did you just come here?"

"Oh yeah," she replied. "We just started yesterday. We came here from Harvard."

"What?" Roosevelt Franklin interrupted. "You mean you left Harvard to come HERE?"

"Yeah," Prairie Dawn added. "What made you leave?"

"Well," Elly added. "That place just didn't have what were looking for. Besides, we couldn't afford it!"

"Well that's sure understandable," said Ernie. "Oh, waiter, can you add cheese to those fries?"

"Ernie," Bert drawled. "What did I tell you about junk?"

"But Bert, I didn't ask for chili, that's an improvement isn't it?"

"I don't care for that stuff either," Bonnie told Bert. "I like to eat oatmeal and water. Elly on the other hand is another story."

"Oatmeal is downright bland," Elly told her friend.

"Well," Bert said to Bonnie, impressed. "It's nice to see someone here with good taste!"

****

"Okay, okay, places everyone!" said Prairie Dawn later that afternoon during her drama class. "We've got to get this right! The play is only in a week and a half!" This play that's been so hard to get right was a reproduction of Phantom of the Opera. Grover was playing the lead, and Betty Lou was playing Christine. While Grover's singing was a bit, well, atrocious, he could really move, so Prairie Dawn chose him for the Phantom himself.

"I'm ready whenever you are, Prairie baaaybee!" Grover called, but was a bit muffled underneath the mask.

"All right…ACTION!" With that, Prairie sat down on the bench by the organ and began to play the opening song for Phantom of the Opera.

Betty Lou began singing her part without a single mistake, whereas Grover eventually sang, "The Phaaantom of the Opera is now…your humble shoemaker."

Prairie stopped playing and moaned, "CUT!" and walked up to Grover with the script. "Do you see what that says?" She asked pointing to a line.

Grover studied it, and said, "Yes…the phantom of the opera is now your mastermind."

"Good," Prairie said. "That's right. It's mastermind, not humble shoemaker. Okay, take two!"

She went back to the organ and began to play again. Then Grover sang, "The Phaaantom of the Opera is now…your plumber," and Prairie Dawn just moaned.

****

"Yo, Roosevelt," Hard Head Henry Harris hit him on the back a bit. "Something's buggin' you, like you've lost your groove or something. What is it?"

"I don't know," he replied. "See, I've been going out with Prairie since my junior year in high school. I feel strange about it."

"What?" Smart Tina replied. "Why would you feel strange about it? Prairie's one of my best friends."

"I don't know, sister. I still love her and all, but high school relationships almost never last this long."

"Well consider yourself lucky! It's obvious that Prairie's a great girl for ya if it lasts this long."

"Guess you're right," Roosevelt replied. "I've known her since we were all in Roosevelt Franklin Elementary. How could I put her down? Well, there goes the bell, catch you guys later!"

As Roosevelt walked off, he thought, "Could I really be losing my love for Prairie? Nah…but you never can tell."

****

"So what do you guys do for fun?" Elly asked later that afternoon as she, Bonnie, Bert, and Ernie were hanging out in the courtyard.

"I always study every night," Bert said.

"Same here," Bonnie said. "You can never be too prepared!"

"Blech," Ernie stuck out his tongue a bit. "Boring!"

"Say," Elly smiled. "I hear there's a frat party tonight! Why don't we go?"

"Eh," Bert said. "I don't think so. Parties are so tasteless! The food's bad, the music rots, and it smells funny."

"Come on! I swear it'll be fun! Wanna go, Ernie?"

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically. "I've never been to a frat party."

"You two going or not?" Elly asked Bert and Bonnie.

Bert shrugged and said, "I guess so,"

****

When they got to the party that evening, which was in one of the larger dorm rooms, Bert and Bonnie held their ears to the loud music from Chris and the Alphabeats.

"They call this MUSIC?" Bert shouted. "Sounds more like sick cats!"

"Come on, Bert!" Ernie grabbed him by the arm and into the mass of dancing Muppets, which were all cheering over Harvey Kneeslapper doing some cocky moves.

"Looks like he's had too much Figgy Fizz!" Elly and Ernie laughed together.

Bert and Bonnie left Elly and Ernie laughing over Harvey with the others and walked to the food table.

"Why don't they ever have oatmeal??" Bert questioned as he eyed the pizzas and chips and other junk food.

"I wish I knew," Bonnie said, picking up a pizza slice.

"You know," I've never met anyone who likes the same things as me," Bert said, getting some pizza as well and joining her at a table, where Roosevelt Franklin and Prairie Dawn were. It looked as though they were having a deep conversation, but soon snapped out of it when Bert and Bonnie sat down with them.

"What's up, fellas?" Roosevelt asked, patting Bert on the back.

"We're only here because Elly and Ernie wanted to come," Bonnie said.

"I take it frat parties aren't your bag."

"They certainly aren't," Bert said, eyeing Harvey Kneeslapper, who was laughing like a loon at one of his own jokes.

"Hey!" Bonnie laughed. "Check out Ernie and Elly!" She pointed to the look-alike couple who were swing-dancing to a very fast number from the band.

"I didn't know Ernie knew how to swing dance," Bert said, and as he did, Roosevelt and Prairie joined in on the dancing.

"You know how to swing dance?" Bonnie asked Bert.

"Heh, no I don't," he said.

"Well it's easy," Bonnie smiled. "I'll show you." She held out her hand, and Bert blushed as he took it and they went towards the dancing.

"Now follow my feet," Bonnie told Bert as soon as they were in the crowd. "Left foot…kick! Very good!" Bert was learning just as fast as Ernie was. "This is great!" he shouted, and smiled at Bonnie.

As soon as the song ended, Chris took the microphone and said, "Anyone have a request?"

Bert perked up and said, "I do!" and pulled out some sheet music.

"Okay," Chris said. "What is it?"

Bert handed him the music. "Okay! Will do! Requested by Bert, here's Doing the Pigeon!"

The band began to play, and Bert grabbed the microphone and said, "This is a dance that I thought I was the only one who knew it until I met a girl named Bonnie. So let's hit it!"

The band began to play and Bert demonstrated how to do the 'pigeon.' As soon as the others saw him doing it, they tried it too. They had a hard time at first, but soon they got the hang of it and everyone was doing Bert's favorite dance.

"This is awesome!" someone called out, and Bert just felt so happy.


****

"That was some party!" Bonnie said while panting a bit as they got to Bert and Ernie's dorm room. Ernie and Elly had gone off with Roosevelt and Prairie somewhere, so this gave the two the opportunity to talk.

"Say, Bonnie," Bert smiled. "Want to see me and Ernie's photo album?"

"I'd love to!" Bonnie laughed.

Bert got out and dusted off an old photo album from under his bed, and opened it to the first page.

"This is me and Ernie when we were in grammar school," Bert pointed to a picture of he and Ernie when they were young.

"Hmm, you sure aged well," Bonnie smiled. "You look pretty much the same except for the hair and all."

"And this is me and Ernie at the beach and yes, that's me buried in the sand."

"That's cute," she smiled, and flipped through the photo album some more. There were many hilarious pictures including Bert and Ernie, such as bad grade school pictures, gag pictures Ernie took of Bert while he was asleep or reciting poetry about oatmeal, but the picture that got Bonnie hysterical was a picture of Ernie, a sculpture of Bert, and Bert without his nose, which was on the sculpture.

"That's the most hilarious thing I EVER saw!!!" Bonnie laughed so hard she coughed a little.

"It wasn't funny," Bert scowled.

"Oh, I'm sorry! It just looked funny, I'm sure for you it wasn't funny at all!"

"Heh, now that you mention it, I do look a bit funny without my nose!"

Bonnie and Bert looked into each other, and edged closer, but just before they had a slight kiss Ernie and Elly burst into the scene.

"Hey old buddy Bert!" Ernie said. "You should've been with us! We had so much fun!"

"Doing what?" Bonnie smiled smugly.

"We saw the midnight showing of The Muppet Movie!" Elly smiled. "You have no idea what you missed!"

"We didn't miss a thing," Bert smiled as he looked once again at the photograph of his younger, nose-less self.

****

"I swear, there can't be cappuccino better than this!" Prairie Dawn said the next day during lunch. Roosevelt Franklin had taken her to Hardhead Henry Harris' small coffee shop in the campus. Hardhead Henry was one of his best friends, so how could he not go there?

"Yeah, this is darn good stuff," Roosevelt smiled, as the one thing that Roosevelt noticed more about Prairie than any of her features were her eyes. They always had a welcome and friendly look to them.

"Prairie," Roosevelt sighed. "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, what is it?" Prairie said between sips of her cappuccino.

"We've been together for a long time," Roosevelt said. "I mean, since the Junior Prom back in Sesame High, which was four years ago…"

"Yeah, and it makes me happy to realize how long our love's kept," Prairie gave him a kiss.

"I know," Roosevelt sighed. "Makes me happy too, but…"

"But what?" Prairie looked worried.

"But…do you think we could see other Muppets a bit? We don't have to break up, but…"

Prairie narrowed her eyes. "You haven't been looking at that anorexic beatnik chick again, have you!?"

"No! Prairie, you see…"

"I knew it…ever since she joined your poetry club last month, I KNEW IT!" Prairie grabbed her purse and burst out the door.

"Prairie honey! Wait!" Roosevelt went after her, but Prairie just ignored him as she stormed off to her Drama class.

"Don't Prairie Honey me, you player!" She shouted, and slammed the door to the theatre.

"Oh, cripes," Roosevelt sighed. "Me and my big mouth…"

As soon as he got back to the coffee shop, Hardhead Henry asked him, "What happened? Where's your girl, Roosevelt?"

Roosevelt's voice shook, "I-I said something stupid, and she walked out on me, man!"

"Oh, my," Hardhead Henry patted him on the back. "Is it because she thinks you like Twig?"

"Yeah," he sighed. "I really don't! I love Prairie more than any girl there is! What am I gonna do?"

"Well, don't ask me, I don't know beans about chicks."

Roosevelt sulked down in a chair and sighed, "What am I gonna do??"

****

During Drama class, Prairie didn't even notice Grover run into one of the stage lights. She was so angry that she could do something that a once perfect little girl would never dream of doing, but she wasn't sure what.

"Prairie, what's the matter?" Grover asked her.

"Roosevelt's nothing but a player," she narrowed her eyes and pouted. "I've only been keeping him busy. He really likes that Beatnik chick in his poetry club."

"Oh. What's a player?"

"I don't feel like explaining it."

As soon as Grover went off to practice his lines, Prairie sat and thought. "I've gotta get back at Roosevelt for this! I know…I'll pretend I'm going out with someone else! But who?"

She looked around the theatre, and noticed the red-haired Muppet named Farley. "I think he's decent enough," she decided.

"Hey Farley, come here!" she called to him, and he approached.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"How'd you like to go to the coffee house with me tonight?" she asked.

"I thought you were going with Roosevelt," he said.
"I was," she corrected. "So how about it."

"Well, okay I guess…"

Prairie thought, "Roosevelt's going to be sorry he was ever born!"

****

"Hey Bert," Ernie whispered to his friend during Political Science class.

"What is it? I'm trying to concentrate!" Bert replied.

"Did you know that Roosevelt and Prairie are in a fight?"

Bert put his book down. "No, I didn't…what on earth happened?"

"From what Elly told me Prairie thinks he likes some Beatnik," Ernie said.

"Oh man, that's tough," Bert said. "What can we do to help the guy?"

"Shhh!" Herbert Birdsfoot, the professor of the class told them.

"We'll think of something later, Ernie."

****
"So what is it that you want me to do, anyway?" Farley asked Prairie that evening at the coffee shop.

"I want to show Roosevelt that I can be happy without him," she said.

"What? That's a little mean."

"Yeah, but when you think about what he's doing to me…"

"All right, all right," Farley said.

"Here he is now," Prairie whispered.

"Whaddya want me to do?"

"Just pretend you made a funny joke or something."

As soon as Roosevelt eyed the two laughing, he sighed. "She found someone else already!" And ran out the back door.

After a few moments of laughing, Farley said, "You know, it's awfully hard to laugh when nothing's funny. And besides, I thought you never pulled finky tricks like this. I'm not helping you, sorry." He got up and walked away.

"Drat!" Prairie said. "So much for that old trick! Oh well…I guess I'll just have to face it; Roosevelt and I are through." She then felt a little sad. "But what am I sad for? He's the one who was eyeing the other girl…"

****

"You mean that Prairie Dawn thinks you like someone else!?" Bert said to Roosevelt later that evening in his dorm room.

"Yeah, I just mentioned a suggestion that we should perhaps look into other Muppets, not break up! I've never done anything so stupid…" he said.

"I'm sure you can make up with her," Bonnie said.

"That's easy for you to say! You've already got a boyfriend!"

"Now wait, Roosevelt!" Ernie said. "I'm sure you can! You just need to really explain it to her. And boy, I didn't think you knew how to be uptight!"

"Yeah," Elly said. "Prairie Dawn is cool, she'll understand once you straighten this mess out."

"Yeah," Roosevelt smiled. "She's one cool chick. But how do I explain it to her?"

"Just say that you didn't mean what you said and that you still love her. Simple as that." Elly smiled reassuringly.

"It's worth a shot…"

****

Well, Roosevelt tried it the next day, but Prairie just acted as if he wasn't there. "Don't pull that on me," she drawled.

"But I really mean it!" Roosevelt yelled, but she didn't even look his way.
A week went by, and Roosevelt got more and more depressed as Prairie still ignored him. That's when he turned to Smart Tina, whom he had known for years.

"Do you think you could talk to her?" Roosevelt asked.

"Of course!" she said. "She's a great friend of mine, I'm sure she'll understand once I explain it to her."

"Thanks." He said gratefully, and gave her a hug.

****

"Hey, Tina," Prairie said. "What is it you wanted to tell me?"

"It's about Roosevelt," she said.

"What about him?"

"Prairie, he still loves you. And believe me, he does. He just doesn't know what to do without you!"

"But what about that other chick?" she asked.

"Twig? You've got to be kidding! It's you who he loves, and he wants you back! He by all means is not in love with Twig like you've been thinking!"

Prairie sighed. "I guess I have been a bit judgmental about all this… What can I do to make it up to him?"

"Go out with him again," Tina smiled.

"Hmm…I guess I have no choice," Prairie smiled. "I'll tell him tomorrow night after my play goes on!"

****

The next evening almost all the students from Sesame University attended Prairie's play, which was in the massive auditorium. Bert, Bonnie, Ernie, Elly and Roosevelt all scrambled around trying to find their seats.

"Ouch! Watch it!" Bert scolded at somebody who ran into him.

"Here are our seats, Bert!" Ernie said enthusiastically.

With that, they all immediately sat down.

"I just know that this'll be great," Roosevelt said. "Remember when Prairie put on that play about feelings way back in grade school?"

"Yes," Bert rolled his eyes and sighed. "I was stuck playing Cupid!"

Ernie laughed his 'heeh hehh!' "But you were good, Bert!"

"Yeah, right, Ernie!"

"Shh," Bonnie said. "It's starting!"

That's when the lights went out and Prairie went on the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen," she said. "I am proud to present Phantom of the Opera. Starring Grover as the Phantom and Betty Lou as Christine!"

The crowd applauded, and Prairie went backstage to play her organ as Betty Lou came out and began to sing her lines.

Soon, Grover came out, but to Prairie's surprise, didn't get one line wrong! And in fact, sounded pretty good.

All through the production everything went smoothly as smooth could get. During Grover's performance of 'The Music of the Night,' he received a huge amount of applause. And by the time the play was over, the whole audience was cheering as loud as they could. Prairie ran to the stage and said, "Thank you so much everyone! Years of giving plays really pays off! Thanks for coming!"

As soon as the curtains dropped and everyone else left, the gang went backstage to see Prairie as well as the two acclaimed actors.

"You were great, Grover!" Ernie patted him on the back.

"Yes, I, furry Grover, have been great!" he said triumphantly.

"You were great too!" Elly said to Betty Lou.

"Why thank you!" she said.

That's when Roosevelt and Prairie eyed each other.

"Prairie," Roosevelt sighed. "Do you forgive me for bringing up that thing about seeing other Muppets. I really don't want to! All I want is you."

"Oh, Roosevelt," Prairie smiled and sighed at the same time. "I owe you an apology too. I'm sorry I judged what you said so quickly, and I'm really sorry about that trick I pulled on you with Farley!"

"Let us never speak of it again." Roosevelt and Prairie embraced, and shared a kiss.

As soon as Bert and Bonnie saw this, Bert said, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Sure am," Bonnie smiled, and embraced Bert and gave him a smackeroo.

Elly and Ernie looked at each other thoughtfully, but Elly shook her hands and said, "Let's not and say we did!"

"Good thinking!" Ernie agreed.

As soon as Roosevelt and Prairie stopped the mushiness, Roosevelt said, "Let's go get some cappuccino! It's on me!"

"Good idea!" Bonnie said, and the gang did just that.

THE END