For the past few months, Karen had spent most of her time by the ocean. Today was no different. She stared out at the vast expanse of water without actually observing it, her feet buried in wet sand. The waves licked her ankles, but she didn't feel them. She may as well have been absent from the scene. She was, in a way.
Even when her insides had healed and her stretch marks had faded, the unseen scars of what should have been a normal pregnancy remained. She had no reason to feel physically empty, because her body had adjusted to the loss, but it was like a part of her was missing. She wanted to connect with the people around her, but every time she opened her mouth, she'd feel the emptiness inside of her swelling up until it destroyed her will to speak. She seldom cried, although she felt like she should. There was something deeply wrong with her, and she didn't know who to turn to for help.
Claire, fortunately, had been supportive during all of this. Despite the fact that she was tense around the proprietor of Karen's new residence, she visited often. It was very kind of her to put her sister's needs before her own. If anything good had come out of the past few months, it was their restored relationship.
Speaking of which, it was about the time of day when she came over to check up on Karen. She was late. Well, not really late, but Claire-late. Even a few seconds meant the world to her, and missing a minute or two of "sister time" was a disaster in her eyes. Karen predicted that she'd come dashing over and apologize repeatedly, if she was even coming at all.
What an awful assumption to make! Of course she was coming. Claire was nothing if not reliable, nowadays.
Karen could hear her running through the sand. Although she did not turn her head, she could imagine the massive cloud that Claire would be kicking up at such a velocity. She thundered over and hugged Karen without missing a beat.
"I am so, so sorry," she stressed, "I was helping Lily with a school project, and I lost track of time. She was supposed to make a frog out of paper plates, but it got crumpled up in her backpack and she was in tears and- Anyway, I'm here now, and I'm sorry for taking so long. Really sorry. How are you doing? Are you okay?"
Karen didn't reply. Claire was used to her silence by now, and paid it no mind.
"A funny thing happened the other day," she said with an insincere cheerfulness, "The furnace was malfunctioning, and Owen went to investigate it. You know he can be a bit dense, sometimes. He lit a match and burned off his eyebrows by accident. You should see him. He looks ridiculous! . . . I guess we should ask someone to inspect our house, now that we broke our ties with . . . well, you know who I'm talking about. I hate to burn bridges, but I don't have a choice-"
"You should spend some time with the boys."
"Yeah, I saw them today, and they seemed-"
Mid-sentence, Claire realized that Karen had, in fact, spoken to her.
"Karen!" she gasped.
"They need you," Karen continued, "You're a good role model."
Claire gulped.
"What about you?"
Karen turned to face her with hollow eyes.
"Look at me, Claire. I'm a mess. Do you really think I'd be good for them in this state?"
"Well, at least you aren't green!" she laughed awkwardly.
Claire tried to force a smile after her failed quip, but it came out as a twisted frown.
"Karen . . . Please try to cheer up. I know it's not easy, but there are people here who need you."
"They don't need me."
"That's what I told myself too. But it's not true. When you recover, you're going to regret making everyone around you feel . . . not good. It was like that with me, you know. If I could go back and change one thing, I'd improve my attitude."
Karen shook her head.
"Claire, I just can't. This is different."
She looked at her sister with worry.
"Karen . . ."
"I want to be left alone."
Claire leaned against her.
"That won't help."
Karen sighed. Her breathing became a little bit shaky.
"Please, Claire. You know what it's like to want to be far away from everything."
"But it doesn't make it better," she affirmed, "Your problems will follow you wherever you go. The only way to get rid of them is to face the truth."
"I'm not ready."
Claire closed her eyes.
"You may not think so, but you'd be surprised to learn what you're capable of. You're stronger than you think, Karen. I guess it's partly my fault for never telling you how much I admired your courage. I made you out to be the weaker sibling, but you really weren't. You knew what was important long before I did. I'm where I am today because I followed your example. Now, it's my turn to help you. Go back to the people you love. Zach and Gray have been waiting patiently, but they need you, Karen. They need you more than anything in the world."
"What good am I?" Karen whispered, "I'm of no use to them like this."
Claire shook her head rapidly.
"Karen, don't give up."
"I don't know what else to do."
Without warning, Karen burst into tears. She buried her face in Claire's shoulder.
"Shhh. It's okay. It's okay," Claire whispered.
They sat quietly for a few minutes. Claire patted her sister's back, even when she was done crying. She tried to shepherd her away from the beach, but she shook her head and pushed her away gently.
"Not yet. I'm not ready to face them. I need more time."
Claire bit her cheek nervously.
"How long?"
"I don't know."
Claire nodded slowly and turned around, sighing deeply. She began to trudge down the beach, but stopped after a few paces.
"You're strong, Karen," she mumbled, looking over her shoulder, "I know you don't believe me, but it's true. You'll understand, someday."
Karen didn't reply. She had gone back to staring at the ocean.
