Disclaimer: I do not own Scream Queens or its related characters. All is the property of Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, Brad Falchuck and FOX. I'm just borrowing them for some nonprofit entertainment.
(A/N: Co-written with KoalaNoises.)
Candle Snuff
"…overall I give this candle four stars."
A gloved hand holding a knife entered the frame and stabbed the candle blogger in the throat. She fell flat over her keyboard, unmoving, while the live feed continued to play.
Her three viewers, sitting alone in their respective homes, gaped at a loss to understand what they had just seen. Not knowing what else to do or whom to turn to, they all went to the same place. The Candelier, the only message board for candle enthusiasts. The thread was title 'Kappa Kappa Candle's Latest Video: WHAT DID I JUST WATCH!?' The thread was originally posted by TallowCanUGo and it featured a link to the video and speculated whether Kappa Kappa Candle was trolling them, switching genres, or had simply jumped the shark.
The first response, from user WicksAb0utYou, admitted that they thought Kappa Candle's substance and quality had been slipping lately. Her latest 'snuff vlog' could have been an attempt to drum up new interest. There then followed a two page conversation between the two users about alternative ways should could have restored interest in the candle reviews, musings, and DIYs of candle making. It wasn't until a more casual user, WinterWax, suggested that it might not have been fake at all that the video took off.
Resident conspiracy nut CandleCovePhan jumped on the idea. "Oh Emm Gawd, you guys, we just watched KappaCandle get extinguished!" Being that this was the fifth time CCP had suggested Kappa's demise, Tallow and Wicks didn't put much stock in it. CandleCovePhan decided to take it to tumblr to help her case. Of course, with the post title, "Did I just watch this chick bite it?" the view count began to climb. Wicks and Tallow fought back with Instagram and Facebook posts calling it a hoax. In no time at all, the video had gone viral.
"That's clearly a prop knife! Look it totally retracts."
"Um, no it doesn't. It goes into her flesh. She just died."
"Kappa? Like as in a sorority? She doesn't seem like the type. It's gotta be fake."
"I heard she goes to Wallace, and they've had this rash of murders lately…"
"No way. If that many murders were really happening the government would shut the place down or something."
Chanel was having a private crisis. Candledork's death vlog had more views than all her Chaneloween videos put together! How was she more popular than Chanel? Ugh. There was no time, though. She had her hands full with that Grace weirdo. She'd have to deal with Vlog dork later. Not that there really was anything to deal with now that wax sucker was dead.
Dean Munsch was enjoying a well earned glass of wine in the aftermath of her beating up, not one, not two, but three masked assailants. It was an especially cathartic release to get to beat the shit out of Supreme Court Judge Scalia. That, more than kicking the crap out of two Red Devils, felt particularly rewarding. Relaxing on the couch with her wine and her computer, Munsch opened her Facebook and was instantly assailed by a wall full of nothing but candle memes and snuff videos.
It took a moment to sift through all the bullshit that surrounds any topic explosion on Facebook. But, finally, the Wallace dean was able to discern that one of her students -another Kappa skank- managed to get herself whacked by the Red Devil. When will these bitches learn? Well, there was no hiding it now. The murder was all over the media. With the video being shared on multiple sites, the snuff film being discussed on yet multiple more. Hell! It would be on the eleven o'clock news in another twenty minutes.
And she was having such a lovely evening.
Unable to put it off anymore, Munch called a press conference.
That seemed to put the message board debates to rest. It wasn't a hoax. Kappa Candle had been snuffed.
…
END
