AN: As I am struggling to come up with ideas with Sasori's birthday, I have decided to redo Hidan's birthday for the time being. If you have any ideas that you are willing to share, you're welcome to do so. I welcome your ideas and will consider using them in the next fic.

As this was written in the middle of the night, I apologize for any spelling, grammatical or structural mistakes. I have not proofread this story yet. Again, you are welcome to point out any errors. I welcome constructive criticism.

Disclaimer: I do not own Akatsuki or the manga Naruto.


Hidan woke up to find Kakuzu missing, a good start to a beautiful day. The purple haired man stretched his entire body, listening to the soft cracking sounds of his bones clicking back into place. Nothing was more comfortable than just lying on bed after a much needed good night's rest.

Before Hidan had this well-deserved day off, the Akatsuki leader had sent the immortal tag team on a back-to-back mission spree for the duration of an entire month. It consisted of a month of explosions, stabbings, killing, beheading, shoving bounties around, stealing and various other illegal activities. Of course, if they were not immortal, they would've died from the humongous workload and countless injuries. "That Leader just got fucked up in the head. This is slavery damn it."

A hectic month usually meant that they barely had time to do the essential activities of eating, sleeping, excreting and, for Hidan, praying. To make it up to his beloved deity, Hidan promised to devote the next few days of rest to worshiping Jashin. For the day, Kakuzu's absence was bliss. "Finally, a day where that asshole leaves me alone. I can finally get some rituals done in peace."

It was true that Hidan was not the brightest member in Akatsuki. His lack of planning and thinking ahead became even worse when he obtained his immortal body. But there was only one time Hidan would use his head for, and that was for his god.

On the journey back to the Akatsuki hideout the previous day, Hidan had actually planned and scheduled the intensive regime praying and conducting rituals. "I'm going to have to start now or Jashin-sama will send me to fucking hell."

The moment he got out of bed, Hidan headed straight towards the bathroom. It was a personal habit of his to get ready for his morning rituals by bathing himself for one hour. While he called it a 'cleansing ritual', Kakuzu called it 'a waste of fucking water, shampoo and time'. Hidan's retort to that was simple. "You're a fucking heathen. And a smelly, unhygienic old man."

Today, with Kakuzu out of the way, Hidan could finally bathe in peace without him banging on the door. Unfortunately, Hidan was wrong. In the middle of his bath, the bathroom door vibrated under the hard, continuous banging. Along with the thundering sounds of his fist, Kakuzu's loud and irritated voice came through the wooden door. "Hidan you bastard, stop spending money in the bathtub! Ever since you arrived, our water bill had gone up by a fucking fifty percent! Get your fucking ass out before I rip you into pieces!"

How that guy equated shampoo and water into money, Hidan would never understand. "Shut up you fucking asshole! Can't a guy take a fucking shower without you banging on the god damned door?! Keep your fucking mouth shut!"

"Do I sound like a give a fuck? Five minutes Hidan, that's all I'm giving you for your fucking bath. If I don't see your ass out here, I-"

As Kakuzu ranted on, Hidan began to tune him out. After being Kakuzu's partner for the past few years, this was something he became really good at.

It helped that Kakuzu would lose track of time once he began to shout at someone. After half an hour, Hidan emerged out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around him. Kakuzu was still yelling at the door even after Hidan came out. The only difference was that now his eyes were flowing the purple haired man as he went to change. "-you are wasting precious time, in addition to water! Do you have any idea how much the amount of water you use costs?!"

Hidan threw the white fluffy towel over his head. As he began to dry his hair, he finally answered: "I don't need to hear you about I used up the world's water supply. Kakuzu, be a nice dick and leave me alone for the whole fucking day. I have a schedule to follow. If I don't complete it, Jashin-sama is going to send me to the same place where you are going: hell."

At that moment in time, Kakuzu froze. Hidan turned around to face his partner when he realized that he wasn't retorting. He was almost surprised when Kakuzu stared at him with an expression that seemed like shock. "Hey, what's wrong with you?"

"… You have schedules?"

Hidan threw the white towel onto his bed. "Hey, what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Okay, I don't use my brain much, but even I am capable of planning stuff! Don't look down on me damn it!"

"With your intellect, it's hard not to."

"Why you-!"

"I'm giving you two minutes to change into your clothes. Any later than that, I'll cut your fucking head off. If I remember… You have a huge bounty upon your head too. I wonder how much I'll get if I bring a live head to them."

As Hidan shot an entire dictionary's worth of swear words, the dark skinned man began to walk out of the room. He slammed the door behind him, causing Hidan to finally shut up. The purple haired man stomped his foot onto the ground angrily. "Fucking heathen. Just because he's lived for about a hundred years or so he thinks he's god. Go fuck yourself Kakuzu!"

Satisfied that he had vented his anger, Hidan then continued his routine activities. While he pulled his Akatsuki cloak over himself, he had already begun to recite the morning prayer. He then grabbed his rosary from the dressing table and began to kneel down onto the floor. "-so help me Jashin-sama, to smite all the heathens who do not believe in your-"

"Grr…"

A light shade of red formed on his cheeks. Hidan stopped in mid-prayer and his hand went to his protesting stomach. "Damn it, I can't pray to Jashin-sama with an empty stomach. My prayers require total silence. But I have to start my regime now or I'll-"

"GRR…"

Hidan surrendered. He stood up in frustration and growled: "Fine damn it. I'll eat! Curse my worldly needs!"

He kicked the bedroom door open and made his way into the dining room, where almost all the Akatsuki members were. As he made his appearance to his fellow members, only a few greeted him. Hidan simply acknowledged the few greetings with a 'Hey' and went over to his seat. He had only just settled down between Deidara and Kisame when Tobi hopped over to him. "Good morning Hidan-san! What would you like to eat?"

Hidan stared at the orange masked man. "Who's doing the cooking today Tobi?"

"Tobi is!"

That was good enough reason to ask for pancakes, the simplest (and only dish) Tobi could cook. "I'll just get a stack of pancakes."

"Okay! Super special pancakes, coming right up!"

As Tobi skipped over to the kitchen, Hidan decided to take a look around. It had been a month since he saw the other members. But one glance told him that nothing had changed in his absence.

Kisame was still wolfing down his pancakes at an alarming rate. A few plates were already stacked beside him, covered in a thin layer of golden maple syrup and a few crumbs from the golden brown pancakes. As expected of the Akatsuki Eating Champion (self proclaimed). Beside Kisame was a standing newspaper, which undoubtedly was Itachi. Sure enough, Hidan caught a glimpse of the handsome man as he tilted the newspaper slightly to turn its page.

On the more active side of the table, Deidara was busy trying to take some food out Kakuzu's plate. It was a good move, since Kakuzu was attracted to the huge stack of money on the table and his abacus. "What is that guy, a fossil? He needs a calculator."

Hidan glanced around the entire dining room. It would seem that Zetsu, Sasori, Konan and Pein were missing. However, that was perfectly normal. Zetsu had need for more… nutritious food than normal people. Hidan had to quickly turn his thoughts to Konan to prevent himself from retching. The beautiful blue haired woman was probably on a mission, again. "I hardly see her around here anyway."

The fact that Sasori was a puppet was self-explanatory. He had no need for things essential to a living, growing human. Not that he wasn't alive. "How does that guy survive anyway?"

Lastly, there was Pein. He was the only other person Hidan would consider a god. To be able to demand fear and respect from S ranked criminals says a lot about his ability. "I'll bet that guy doesn't need food anyway."

The aroma of pancakes brought Hidan back to the present. He was almost delighted to see a stack of perfectly cooked pancakes being set before him. Tobi clapped his hands together and said: "There you go Hidan-san! Enjoy your breakfast!"

Hidan didn't bother to say thank you. He had a schedule to follow. As he reached out for the maple syrup on the table, Tobi suddenly said: "Oh, I almost forgot Hidan-san! Ha-!"

"NO TOBI!"

A blur of yellow, red and black dashed across the table, spilling the maple syrup, jam and melted butter all over the table. Hidan's outstretched hand was covered in all three toppings.

Great.

Deidara seemed oblivious to his surroundings as he strangled Tobi with all his might. "What the hell are you trying to do?! Do you want to spoil everything yeah?!"

"S-Senpai... T-Tobi can't…"

"HUH? What was that yeah?!"

"Tobi can't… b-breathe!"

Kisame was the only member watching the scene. There was no need to lift a finger to help Tobi. After all, Tobi was just as indestructible as Hidan. Amidst the chaos, Hidan's rage was growing. He gave Tobi a frustrated look and growled: "Huh, what? Tobi what do you want to say to me? It'd better be important for you to fuck up my breakfast."

The two men fell into silence at once. None of them noticed the malice in Hidan's tone. They were too eager to cover the damage Tobi had done. Deidara quickly answered: "Tobi wants to say nothing, right Tobi, yeah?"

Tobi nodded vigorously in reply. He then pointed vigorously to his throat where Deidara's hands were clamped around. As Hidan ignored the two of them and began to clean his hand, the blonde haired man let go of Tobi. He pulled Tobi out of the kitchen by his collar and swung an arm around his neck. Deidara pulled Tobi close to him and hissed: "It's supposed to be a secret Tobi! Keep your mouth shut, yeah!"

"Yes, Deidara-senpai. Tobi will keep it a secret, because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi whispered back.

Then, both men poked their heads at the door leading back into the dining room. They stared as Hidan as he ate his pancakes. "Do you think he suspects something yeah?"

Tobi shook his head. "I don't think so Senpai. We're safe!"

Deidara pulled Tobi back and whispered: "You'd better keep your mouth shut, understand yeah?"

Tobi raised his hand into a salute. "Yes Deidara-senpai!"

After breakfast, Hidan continued doing his daily rituals. He had a lot more to do. He had fifteen prayers, five rituals and maybe a virgin sacrifice to complete the day. Although it was still not enough, time constraints limited his ability to do more.

Once he had completed about three long prayers, Hidan then prepared himself for the blood ritual. He buttoned the top half of his Akatsuki cloak, revealing his bare, muscular chest. Hidan grabbed a wooden pike lying against his bed and help the pointed end towards his chest. Usually, he needed to draw Jashin's symbol onto the ground. But for the sake of sparing himself from Kakuzu's yelling, Hidan decided to extend the ritual's duration as compensation.

Just as he was about to drive the pike through his chest, the bedroom door swung open. Kakuzu entered and ordered: "Hidan, stay in this room until I say so, understand-?"

Both men stared at each another for a long time. Kakuzu's eyes went from the pike in Hidan's hand to Hidan, then back to the pike again. Hidan simply continued to stare into Kakuzu's eyes. Why wasn't he saying anything? A quiet Kakuzu was way freakier than a swearing one. Then, "Are you committing suicide?"

Hidan exploded. "What the hell are you talking about you fucking idiot? Can't you see I'm in the middle of a fucking ritual, asshole?! I do it every time after I kill someone! What are you, senile or something?!"

Kakuzu's expression turned into one of slight disappointment. "So… You're not committing suicide. Pity. I wanted to offer my assistance as a parting gift."

"Why would I want to commit suicide you dickhead?!"

"I thought you've finally realized what was useless person you are. It's truly a shame you have not received enlightenment."

"I have received way more enlightenment than you or any of the other fucking heathens in this world! What the fuck do you want anyway, I'm busy!"

As much as Kakuzu enjoyed seeing the frustrated look on Hidan's face, he decided that it would be far more important to get his message across. "Stay in this room until I ask you to come out. You can do that much, can you?"

"Does it look like I'm getting out anytime soon? Now get the fuck out of my room, I have work to do!"

The door closed with a satisfying slam. Hidan cussed Kakuzu for a few more seconds before turning back to his pike. Admittedly, Hidan was curious about the sudden secrecy. Why did he have to stay in his room for the day? Regardless, he had a lot of work to do. Gripping the pike tightly in both hands, he began his ritual.

Hidan proceeded to complete nine more prayers and three more rituals. Just as he was about to kneel down in prayer again, the door swung open. Kakuzu burst into the room and said: "Okay, you can come out now."

Hidan looked up from his kneeling position. Frustration overwhelmed him as he laid eyes on his Akatsuki partner. He had never been less pleased to see him. "Hey stupid, I thought I told you not to interfere with my rituals! I have only two more hours before the day ends! I have a quota to meet damn it!"

Kakuzu was itching to just slice off Hidan's head in just one move. But he knew he had to hold back his anger just for the day. "Stop your stupid ritual for awhile and come out. There's something for you to see."

That caught Hidan's attention. Kakuzu had never shown anything to him before. Hidan's bright red eyes flickered to his rosary and then to Kakuzu. Curiosity got the better of him and he stood up. "This better be important."

Hidan followed Kakuzu out of the room. As he stared at the older man's back, many things were running through Hidan's mind. What could Kakuzu want to show him? Was the Akatsuki leader calling them? Was there a new weapon? Or was Kakuzu going to lead him to a trap for the heck of it? But all those ideas vanished when the two men stepped into the dining room. "What's up in the dining room?"

The first thing Hidan noticed about the room was that it was pitch black. "Who turned off the lights?"

Almost immediately after he said that, the lights came back on. The first thing that caught his eye was a large brown birthday cake. Beautiful white cream and rainbow rice topped the cake's brown exterior. Right in the center of the cake were the words: 'Happy Birthday Hidan' written in white frosting. Jashin's symbol of a triangle in a circle was drawn above the words. Hidan felt a mixture of emotions that he had never felt before, which included surprise and happiness. "What the-"

"Happy birthday Hidan!"

The purple haired man nearly crashed into the floor when Tobi jumped onto his back. As Hidan struggled to support his weight, he shouted: "Get off me you stupid bastard! What the hell is going on here?!"

He received a few strong pats on his shoulder. Hidan turned to face Kisame, who was grinning. "Language Hidan, language. Do you really want to say that kind of stuff on your birthday?"

"Yeah, especially when Tobi and I planned this for you yeah."

Hidan turned to face Deidara, who was grinning from ear to ear. He couldn't help but ask: "Y-You guys did all these… for me? But how did you know my birthday Deidara?"

The blonde was very happy to reply. "Well, danna and I did some research, yeah."

Sasori shot Deidara a dirty look upon hearing that. With that, Deidara quickly amended his explanation: "I mean, I did the research. I went to look for your profile at the Akatsuki database and I saw your birthdate. So, I thought that maybe we could celebrate for you yeah."

As much as Hidan was annoyed that the fact that the blonde had accessed his private information, Hidan decided to let it slide. After all, he was the one who planned out the birthday party for him.

Hidan couldn't remember the last time he was asked to blow out the candles of his birthday cake. Heck, he couldn't even remember the last time he celebrated it. The laughter of his fellow Akatsuki members, the birthday wish, the blowing out of candles on his birthday cake; all these were small, happy things that he had almost forgotten. It was a night of joy and nostalgia.

Hidan was surprised to see a whole stack of presents. Every single Akatsuki member, including Konan, actually gave him a birthday gift. As the rest of the Akatsuki ate their slices of cake and chatted, Deidara and Tobi sat next to Hidan. Tobi bounced up and down on his chair, crying out: "It's time to open your presents Hidan! Open them, open them!"

Deidara nodded in agreement and pushed a small package in front of Hidan. "Here, open Itachi's present first!"

Hidan tore open wrapping after wrapping to uncover the hidden gifts. He received a bible from Itachi, much to his disappointment. Kakuzu provided him a sharper spear to make his blood-offering ritual easier, although Hidan actually had doubts on Kakuzu's true intentions for buying it. Deidara then shoved his present in front of Hidan's face, badgering him to open it. As Hidan opened the wrappings, he had no idea that Deidara was slowly moving backwards.

Hidan pushed the wrappings aside to find a hardened clay statue of himself in intricate detail. It was amazing. Hidan leaned closer to take a look. The features of his face, the Jashin symbol he wore around his neck, the detail of his hair and the folds of his clothing were perfect. It was indeed an exact replica of Hidan. "Wow. Deidara, you're amazing."

Just as Hidan was about to reach out to touch it, Tobi suddenly commented: "I wonder if Deidara-senpai uses normal clay or explosive clay to make this."

That caused an alarm bell to ring in Hidan's head. "What?"

The small clay sculpture blew up in Hidan 's face, sending large fragments of hardened clay everywhere, especially Hidan's face. The room turned deadly silent as every Akatsuki member turned to stare at Hidan. Some of their eyes widened when they saw Hidan's bloodied face. Were he not used to pain, Hidan would've groaned out loud in agony.

The slamming of the door in the distant brought Hidan back to life. "DEIDARA, YOU STUPID SON OF A BITCH! YOU ARE DEAD!"


R&R please? With a cherry on top?