Abyss

Prompts: Monologue, Observation, Failure

Character prompt: Squall L.

I couldn't breathe, all the air had been pushed out of my lungs as pain bloomed in my shoulder and chest. I couldn't speak, and I lost the ability to stand. I felt myself falling back as Rinoa reached for me. My muscles felt paralyzed as I fell into the abyss. My back hit pavement and I gasped, filling my lungs with as much air as I could before blackness overcame me. Through the fog of my fading consciousness I could hear her calling my name, her voice lost in the wind of the night.

As I stared into the abyss, the abyss stared back. I saw my final moments from a 3rd person perspective. I watched as the ice hit me in the chest, and my legs gave out. I saw myself fall from the building and hit the ground. I failed my mission, and on loop it played in the abyss in my soul, soon to be joined with every other failure in my life.

I saw the orphanage, my SeeD exam, my compatriots, and other forgotten memories. Did I still exist in the real life? Was this purgatory? Hell or something else entirely? How long would I be stuck in the blackness inside of me? How was I supposed to confront it? How could I when I didn't know of it's existence until it consumed me? Rinoa, I kept seeing her reaching for me. I kept seeing me coaching Irvine, ifrit with Quistis, Seifer and the SeeD tests. It was all there, flipping chaotically, dancing in misery in front of me, inside of me. I couldn't speak or move or interfere, I was merely an observer, watching myself, reliving all of my transgressions and victories, seeing all I had impacted. Was this my life flashing before my eyes as I died? I could feel a heavy tension pulling me apart, a fierce energy that was burning my soul. I felt myself come apart, my memories shattered into glass on the black floor of the abyss, and in those shards I found multiple reflections. I saw myself in the eyes of others, in the eyes of myself and my own expectations. I became aware of a myriad of perspectives and was enlightened to viewpoints I had been ignorant too.

Would there be a chance to keep going, to finish what I had started? I yearned to express myself, to speak and to tell others my true feelings, to make sure they knew what I felt inside. How much would I take to the grave? And would the legacy I leave be around for generations or would I be forgotten quickly? I wanted to finish myself, to make myself who I want to be, to take what I want in life, to fight for life, for justice for love. I wanted to know these things, I wanted to survive. I needed to stay alive, to breathe like I was fine. I didn't care if I deserved it or not, I wanted it. I tried to fight, to get past all the demons inside me, to regain control of myself, of my corporeal form. Embracing life, the struggle for survival, the curiosity of existence. I had to take it, I had to fight.

I felt inside my body again, and my eyes snapped open. I was alive. I had stared into the abyss inside me and either conquered it or compounded it, but, despite my failures and my injuries I was alive.

Now, I had to finish what I started.

AN/ here's another prompt drabble. I hope you enjoy it. It's a bit shorter than my other ones, but that's ok, the purpose of these prompts is just to write. I've been doing pretty well lately, once I get back in the habit I'll go back to finishing my 5th novel. Read and review and I'll see you in the next story. XOXO. MK.