A/N: Another tumblr prompt... I almost never write AUs and even this...I felt like I had to tie it back into the universe we're all familiar with. I felt like it worked better before the series started than during season 1, which is what I wrote originally, but I like this version better. If you squint hard enough, this could've actually happened pre-series. And if you feel this is slightly ridiculous...that was kind of the point. Let me know what you think :)
It's just a little over two weeks until Season 3 premieres and the ficathon I've been mentioning will start on 06/18.
Prompt: "it's 2 in the morning and i was just trying to get home but i left my sunroof open all day and now there's a squirrel in my car and it scared me and i drove into a pole – would you please stop laughing you're a cop. you're supposed to be helping."
2010
Officer Paige Arkin found him by the side of the road looking pathetic, sitting against a tree with his knees drawn to his chest, about ten feet from his car which was in desperate need of some repair work after crashing into a pole. It was raining and almost 3:30 in the morning, but the roads weren't that slick. He was probably out drinking.. At least the tree was shielding him from most of the rain, so she wouldn't have to stand in the rain to talk to him.
Paige really hated working the overnight shift and couldn't wait until she was back on days. She was so sick of dealing with drunken frat boys hitting on her when she pulled them over. She had a few more weeks before she moved to Virginia to start her DEA training program at Quantico. She should've started her program last year, but she delayed it a year to help her mom take care of her aunt while she battled cancer. She hadn't wanted the year to go to waste, so she joined the local police squad while she waited to start her program. Paige pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail as she walked towards the man by the tree. "You called in a car accident?"
The man nodded and he stood up, "I hit that pole."
"I can see that. License and registration," Paige said, pulling out her notebook so she could jot down some notes for her report. She expectantly held out her hand, looking up when he placed his license in her hand. Her eyes skimmed the picture and darted to his face. Michael Warren. Now she had a name to match the pretty boy face. He looked younger than the age listed on his license, but it was real.
"Registration is in my glove box."
Paige groaned, it was too late to play games, but at least he was being cooperative despite being a little difficult. He should've grabbed his registration if he was going to sit out in the rain. "Were you drinking tonight, Michael?"
"It's Mike," he automatically corrected.
"Were you drinking tonight, Mike?"
"No, Ma'am."
She bristled at his choice of words, she was barely older than him. "It's Officer Arkin."
Mike nodded, mumbling an apology.
She pointed away from his car, "I want you to take nine steps, heel to toe and turn and walk back towards me." She watched him carefully, but he didn't show any signs of drinking after completing all three field sobriety tests. "Are you going to tell me what happened?"
"You're going to make fun of me."
"I'm pretty sure I've heard it all, go ahead and tell me what happened," Paige said. Usually she wasn't so chatty. Especially this late at night when her main priority was finding more coffee. But she was wondering why Mike chose to sit out in the rain and not in his car after hitting that pole.
"I met up with my buddy to go jet skiing," Mike began. "We were hanging out and we met some girls and hung out with them for a while. We went to dinner, then went back in the water. He really clicked with one of them so he took off with her. I hung out with the other one for a while before walking her back to her car and started driving home. After about an hour or so I could hear something rustling in the backseat. I glanced in the rearview mirror and couldn't see anything, but I kept hearing this noise. I ignored it for a while, then I felt something on my shoulder."
Paige titled her head at Mike before glancing suspiciously at his car, trying to figure out what the hell spooked him. "And?" Paige prompted.
"I looked down and it was just there. On my shoulder."
"What was?" Paige asked, intrigued. Whatever it was, she couldn't laugh. No matter what, she couldn't laugh. But he looked so embarrassed to tell her and that somehow made up for the fact that she was standing in the rain.
"A squirrel," Mike mumbled.
Forgetting her earlier pledge not to laugh, she burst out laughing. "A squirrel? There's a squirrel in your car?" This guy was afraid of squirrels? He was six feet tall, easily. Athletic. Paige doubled over in laughter, out of all the things she had been expecting when she got a call to report to a single car accident, she never would've expected a young guy sitting outside in the rain because there was a squirrel in his car. She didn't even mind that the rain had picked up. This definitely made up for her having to work nights the past few weeks.
"It was 2 in the morning and I was just trying to get home, but I must've left my sunroof open. Now there's a squirrel in my car and it was terrorizing me and I drove into that pole. It was dark and it startled me! Would you please stop laughing? You're a cop, you're supposed to be helping!"
"My face hurts," Paige choked out between fits of laughter. "A squirrel?" She started laughing again, but felt a little bad as Mike lowered his head slightly and his shoulders slumped. "Are you afraid of squirrels Mike?"
"No," Mike defensively answered.
His quick response made her doubt him, but she really shouldn't be making fun of him. "Okay, when's the tow truck gonna get here?"
"Any minute, but you have to do something first," Mike said.
"I have to put this in my report." Technically. She supposed she could leave it out, but it was just too funny not to put in there.
"It's still in my car." Mike looked at her, his eyes pleading with her to do something.
"I thought you weren't afraid of squirrels, Mike," Paige mused.
"I got bit by one when I was a kid. I really don't want to have to go through another round of rabies shots, it was horrible."
That made a little more sense, but it was still hilarious. She couldn't wait to share this with everyone back at the station. Paige approached his car and peered inside the window, laughing to herself when she saw the culprit curled up in the backseat. It wasn't even an adult squirrel. It was a baby squirrel. An adorable little ball of cuteness. How in the world could anyone be afraid of a baby squirrel? Paige carefully opened the backseat door, "Hey, there," Paige soothingly said, trying not to spook the little guy. "I'm not going to hurt you. I just want you to come out." The squirrel instinctively backed away from her and she moved around to the other side of the car to open the other door. As soon as she opened that door, the baby squirrel ran out into the night. Thankfully, it didn't run towards Mike. She wasn't sure how he'd react if he had to face the animal terrorizing him. Paige shut both car doors and wandered back towards Mike. "Your little friend's gone. It was a baby squirrel."
"Thank you," Mike said, the relief evident on his face. "If you weren't working, I'd buy you a cup of coffee as a thank you."
Coffee sounded amazing, but accepting a cup of coffee from a cute guy she pulled over probably wasn't a good idea. "Maybe another time."
Mike nodded, "Maybe another time."
Paige nodded towards the road, "Tow truck's here. You should probably close your sunroof if you don't want more squirrels riding shotgun."
THE END
