Hello everyone!

About this story, I tried writting it in the style of the light novels, so at times the thoughts and replies of Kyon are mixed up. I doubt there are any spoilers, more like even if there are they would go off unnoticed for those who don't know them... This is KoizumiKyon, but nothing really explicit, so I don't think I should rate it M...Also, sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes, English is not my first language.

Disclaimer: The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya does not belong to me, neither the other manga/anime contained in the references!

These being said, enjoy!


If only I hadn't come to school that day. If only I hadn't gone straight to the "headquarters" of the S.O.S. Brigade just after finishing my classes. If only Haruhi hadn't been born… Certainly, none of these would have happened.

As I said, it was a day like any another, and no matter how much I wanted to go home and take a nap, I couldn't do so if I still wanted my head in its proper place. Why, you ask? Because our Brigade Commander wouldn't forgive anyone who skipped club activities, even if those respective activities were currently playing board games with Koizumi and drinking Asahina-san's delicious tea. Well, it was already established I couldn't go on living without tasting Asahina-san's heart-warming tea, the only good thing about going to the clubroom after school, so I just obeyed Haruhi's orders and showed up everyday without fail.

When I reached the clubroom, Nagato was sitting as expressionless as usual in her corner reading a book, Koizumi was playing chess by himself and Asahina-san was already dressed up in her maid outfit and offered me a cup of fresh tea. The only one missing was Haruhi, who said she had something to do and she'll be late – it's not like I really missed her loud presence.

"Good afternoon. Do you want to play?" Koizumi greeted me with that strange smile, and seeing I had nothing better to do, I got seated in my usual place and started playing chess.

An hour or so passed until the door was banged open and a certain brown-haired girl entered the clubroom with a huge scary grin on her face, yelling:

"Sorry for being late!" though obviously the feeling of regretting something was completely unknown to her.

"I was at the Manga Club, doing some research!" she cheerfully spitted out.

To research what?

"Kyon, what could I be researching at a manga club aside of manga?! Have you gone dumber?"

That's why I asked, what kind of research?

"Well, not much, in the end I didn't find anything mysterious in any manga, like mysteriously ripped off pages, vanished lines or alien messages. Anyway, it seems they have a problem, and I, as the good person I am, offered to help them!"

Hitler was a good person too… And besides, if you are looking for strange alien messages in manga, you just go read a SF. Haruhi threw her bag somewhere and sat on the commander's desk, proceeding to tell us the details.

"Of course, the S.O.S. Brigade does nothing for free, so we agreed that if we are able to complete the task, the Manga Club will stand on our side against the Student Council!"
Just what kind of members does the Manga Club have?! Making a deal with Haruhi is like making a deal with the devil, except a hundred times worse. Just as I was preparing to make a counter-attack, that damn Koizumi was already saying:

"It's a great idea helping our fellow colleagues from another club, I can only praise Suzumiya-san's eagerness to help other people when in need! As expected of our Brigade Commander!"

Haruhi nodded energetically as she received her daily ear-candy, and went on with the explanations:

"Recently, it seems that the activity of the Manga Club had been stalled, due to the fact that they cannot come up with any new ideas. They said they are tired of four panels, and as for their favorite couplings, they have written so many stories that they got bored of them. The Comiket is just round the corner, and if they don't do anything, their circle will be canceled!"

Comiket?! Circle?! Isn't this a simple high school manga club?!

"Kyon, you sure are dense today! They are actually members of the renown circle XXXXX! If they don't come up with anything, they will lose their places in the industry and their future jobs as manga-kas! Listen, the president herself asked me with tears in her eyes to help them! We must do something, and we will, I can guarantee you!!!"

Don't tell me you're an otaku now… okay, we might as well help these poor people…, I sighed thinking that maybe Haruhi had became a normal member of the society which wants to be kind to other people. I innocently asked:

"By the way, what kind of manga are they making?"

"YAOI!" squealed Haruhi in excitement. "I thought they were a bit weird at first, but after they showed me their previous works, I instantly became their fan!"

I think they're far more normal than you are. Anyway, if I understood well, you just gave in to your desires and dragged us into this mess. However, what are we supposed to help with?! We can't either draw or write something like that… not that we would but anyway.

"Weeellll… I did say they lacked ideas, right? More specifically character ideas. That's why I said they can use you and Koizumi as their models! You should be working properly, understood??"

Say what?! My jaw dropped instantly, and even Koizumi lost composure for a moment, his smile having stiffened painfully. Let's see now, how are you gonna continue your ass-kissing, huh, Koizumi?! The evilness of my thought almost amazed me, but I had yet to live to see everything, and I should've known better than that, as Koizumi casually replied:

"If that's what Suzumiya-san wants, I shall do my best."

Now I understood the true meaning of fear.

In that moment, a small voice was heard, as Asahina-san dared ask:

"Uhm, what's yaoi?"

Oh, Asahina-san, please don't let your pure soul be contaminated by the seeds of evil planted by Haruhi!

"Haaa?" loudly laughed Haruhi. "Mikuru-chan doesn't know?" she said as she drifted closer to me.

Be gone, demon! I wanted to scream.

"It's all about boys love, see???" Haruhi chirped as in a matter of not even seconds she pushed Koizumi across the table and on top of me as I felt down with my chair.

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!" screamed Asahina-san, turning red, as Nagato had lifted her gaze from the book and was quietly staring at the scene unfolding in the clubroom.

What can I say about me… I guess I was just beyond any kind of shock to be able to say anything. Koizumi had a weird expression, as I suspected he was about to burst out laughing, as of Haruhi, she seemed quite delighted. And just when I was thinking she couldn't take up any other strange hobbies.

"HEY HARUHI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" I shouted, trying to get up.

"Hold it a sec Kyon, I must take reference pictures!"

Of course, Haruhi wasn't listening. As I was thinking about how I should commit suicide when those photos saw daylight, something even worse happened. Well, I guess from that person's point of view it was a good thing, huh… The president of the Manga Club entered our clubroom in order to have a talk with Haruhi… of course, she remained frozen in her tracks when observing our absolute fanservice, and all she could do was faint. I took advantage of the moment and stood up, while Haruhi's attention was diverted by our guest. The all so kind Asahina-san hurried up to her and after splashing her with some cold water, she recovered and stood up in a daze. She had black short slightly curled hair, and had several earrings of different shapes. It seemed as she was already a third year.

"Uhm, sorry for the disturbance…" she muttered.

"No problem, you should better go to the nursery and rest for a bit, are you alright?" said Asahina-san in a worried tone.

"I'm… okay now." said the president." Let's just say it's my first time seeing a pairing... like this."

We're NOT a real pairing! I shouted, but Haruhi cut me out in an instant.

"So, what do you think? Is this good enough?" she asked with a cocky smile.

"It's more than enough." laughed the president. "To be honest, I haven't really thought you would go that far in order to help us, I'm really grateful for your efforts." She deeply bowed.

It's not like a bow is going to turn me gay. Asahina-san, please don't turn your head away from me! And definitely, I'll make that Koizumi bastard pay for agreeing to everything Haruhi says!

"No problem, no problem, Hayashi-president! I said we will help and I intend on doing so! I will provide with the two male members of the S.O.S. Brigade, and I allow you to use them however you like, as models and such!"

Hey Haruhi, are you a pimp now?! Don't go off selling us to some host agency, will you? Not that Koizumi wouldn't fit as a host, but as for myself, I prefer a peaceful life while drinking Asahina-san's tea. If you won't allow me that, I won't forgive you!

"Uhm, is it really okay?" asked the president, trying to be considerate.

Before I could reply (for the second time today!), Koizumi smiled his trademark smile, while saying:

"It's okay President-san, if it's not something too difficult to do, we will gladly help you!"

WHAT?!

"Now, now, Kyon, don't be so noisy!" Haruhi preached at me. "An uke should just obey whatever he's told to, so shut up for once, will ya?"

My jaw dropped again. Just what kind of person do you think I am?! As I saw Koizumi trying to suppress a smirk, my self-esteem just dropped down by 80 percent. But just how could I go against the insane being that is Haruhi?! As I was thinking about these things, it had already been established – we were to be the next characters for the "XXXXX" circle's doujinshi. I was starting to doubt Koizumi's preferences and I was terrified by the things I would be forced doing. Now let me set this straight – if I could, I would've run with a speed of 100 km per hour (or even faster), but considering the fact that I might've triggered the end of the world as we knew it, I couldn't pull it out. Yes, as much as I hated it, I wasn't a person who could just throw away everything on a whim (as opposed to Haruhi).

"Uhm, is it alright for you to come to our club instead of the, uhm, S.O.S. Brigade for the next week?" asked the president.

"Of course it's okay!" spitted Haruhi out. "All of us will come help! I can also dress up Mikuru-chan in whatever you want, so feel free to pick your cosplay of choice!"

I could see Asahina-san going pale, as she stared at her shoes anxiously. I'm sorry Asahina-san, but I'm a victim myself, I can't do a thing!

"Listen here Kyon, Koizumi-kun! If you dare skip, I will have you decapitated by the wrath of God!"

Good choice of words Haruhi, Koizumi is already chuckling at your close-to-be-true statement. God, please don't let her be god!

"Also," said Hayashi-san apparently gaining confidence, "could you two come pay us a visit right now? I would like to introduce you to the other club members, so they can think up of something until tomorrow."

"Let's go!" Haruhi again answered in other peoples' place, and proceeded dragging me and Koizumi by our neckties straight to the Manga Club.

And so, we entered a clubroom resembling ours, but nonetheless filled up with very different stuff. They had a bookcase full of manga and even some collectible figurines (they haven't blackmailed anyone, so they didn't have a computer). The desks were arranged in a semi-circle (is that why it's called a circle?!) and all had drawing supplies spread all over them. Three girls were seated and one short guy was up, staring outside the window. The first thing I could hear was not really a greeting, but a squeal.

"Kyaaa! Look! It's a seme smile LIVE!" one of the girls screamed shamelessly pointing out at Koizumi.

I was starting to panic… do people like these really exist in our school? As I was pondering, another girl answered:

"The other looks pretty too, much like the uke who's straight at first but will eventually give in to the seme!"

Don't go labeling people you don't even know! And you too, Haruhi! How could you agree to something like this?! Weren't your brigade members precious to you?!

"This is Koizumi-kun, and this is…"

"He's just Kyon!" said Haruhi cutting into Hayashi-san's phrase.

"Okay… They are members of the S.O.S. Brigade who said will help us! These being said, START WORKING!" said the president on a tone which could easily compete with Haruhi's usual demeanor. I was scared. "Ritsuka-chan, prepare some chairs and tea for our guests!" she ordered the short boy, who hurried up to answer with a terrifying expression: "Right away, Hayashi-sensei!"

What was so terrifying about him, you ask? Well, how should I put it… he was like the male version of our beloved Asahina-san… a shota. Wearing a creepy girlish smile, he went on preparing the tea, while occasionally dropping things and even burning himself once… I could see he was properly trained in being clumsy (I couldn't exactly imagine a guy being like that in real life).

"Let me introduce you to my club members… this is Ritsuka-chan, our mascot…"

Ritsuka-"chan" cutely waved to us… He had light-colored hair and really huge blue eyes – I suspected he wore contacts.

"This is Tamura-san, a second year."

It was the girl who said ugly things about me. She had middle length straight black hair, and wore a malevolent smile. I didn't like her at all.

"Nice to meet you." she plainly said.

"This is Akiko-chan, also a second year. She's the one who's going to inherit my title after I graduate."

Long blonde hair, tied in two loose ponytails, a dark blue sweater and beautiful black eyes… what was such a beautiful girl doing here with these freaks?! Was she also dragged along like our Asahina-san? But for her to be the next president…

"I humbly apologize for the trouble we had caused you by our sudden request, I hope you will be able to excuse our rudeness and allow us to use you as models for our manga."

Such a polite way of speaking… This girl was giving off a bad vibe.

"And this is Shuu."

That's all? No other description? Who is this person?! Doesn't look like a high-school student at all… This was the girl who squealed over Koizumi, so I assumed she had really bad taste and was easy to deceive. However, she had very sharp eyes.

"Shuu" only nodded mysteriously, yet earlier she seemed quite lively. Just crossed my mind… this club seemed weird enough to me, why didn't Haruhi join it in the first place?! Then, I would've been able to enjoy a normal high school life.

"Well, these people weren't here when I checked it out, and besides Kyon you really are rude… they aren't weird at all! All true artists are like that!"

Compared to you, I agree they are somehow normal. And what artists do you know of anyway?!

"Oh, and I forgot to introduce myself… I'm Hayashi, glad to meet you."

"Now that we're over with the formalities, what costume should Mikuru-chan wear tomorrow? Hmmm, I'm so excited about it! She ought to learn more from Ritsuka-chan!" butted in Haruhi who had already drunk two cups of other people's tea and was enjoying herself.

"Mikuru-chan is really cute, but our Ritsuka is better! Though we don't really have any cosplay outfits… guess it would be great to have her serve us tea for a change! Haruhi-san, could you have her wear the waitress outfit you used in your movie?"

"Then it's decided! If I think about it, it's been so long since she hasn't worn it… Kyon!"

"Yeah?" I responded half-heartedly.

"Make sure the outfit is prepared by tomorrow! Go right away and deliver it to the laundry store! Hayashi-president, do you have any more business with him now?"

"Shuu?" asked the president eyeing the brown-haired girl.

"I've already finished it."

What did she just finish?!

"No problem, he's dismissed for today! Shuu had already finished the preliminary sketches!"

"Heard that Kyon? Now go beat it!" shouted Haruhi and threw me out of the manga clubroom.

Sketches? These people are dead serious about it! With an anxious face, I dragged my feet to our clubroom, hoping to feel more relieved after seeing Asahina-san's smiling face. However, the guilt only weighted over me, thinking of how I wanted to see her again in the waitress uniform.

"Ah.. Kyon-kun..!" she turned her small head in surprise after seeing me enter the room. "Have you… finished already?"

"Yeah. Haruhi assigned me to take it to the laundry… the waitress costume."

I could see her composure falling apart, as she displayed an expression of pure despair. Her gaze fell down, and I really felt like hugging her and telling her everything was going to be alright, however I couldn't possibly hug her, and besides telling her everything was going to be alright would've been a lie.

Nagato was still reading her book, apparently unfazed by the events which had befallen me and Asahina-san. She wasn't shocked at Haruhi's demonstration of "boys love" either. Just as I wondered if there was anything in the world that could surprise her, Nagato lifted her gaze and stared at me with those profound eyes of hers which seemed to be piercing right through my pupils. Then she blinked.

I sighed, packing up Asahina-san's costume and heading to the laundry store close to the station. I said goodbye, but nobody answered back. Asahina-san was still sulking in a corner, while Nagato wasn't exactly a greetings' person. With an empty heart, I finally left the doomed clubroom.


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