No Need For A Big and Beautiful Woman

By Galaxy1001D.

Tenchi Muyo and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. This story has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funamation, the author, or this website.

Chapter One: No Need for an Ion Storm

Once upon a time, there was a boy who lived in rural Japan. Soon after puberty began transforming his young body, a host of interstellar beauties fell out of the sky and fell in love with him.

Nearly every type of woman that a boy his age could be interested in was there. There was Ryoko, the femme fetale whose long angular form and feral nature advertised an unbridled sexuality. There was Ayeka, the princess, whose slim body and innocent face masked a desire every bit equal to Ryoko's. The blonde and tanned Mihoshi was the archetype of sexy stereotypes with her long legs and shapely figure. The darling Sasami appeared to be only eight years old, yet the delicate girl took it on herself to cook and clean for the household. The redheaded Washu had the appearance of an eleven-year-old girl combined with the nerve of a feisty grandma. The teal haired Kiyone combined a pretty face with the body of an athlete and her eyes could send any man into a frenzy of desire.

Strangely, the boy did not react with the fury of a dog during the mating season or the guile of a fox in the henhouse. Instead, he respected each and every one of them, and attempted to treat his desirable housemates as sisters rather than girlfriends. Indeed, it was a credit to his character that he had the willpower to remain a gentleman at all times, and avoid even the most harmless flirting, lest jealousy destroy the fragile harmony of the household.

As a matter of fact, his denial of sexual urges of any kind was seen as both admirable and puzzling to his female housemates, and not a little frustrating to the more zealous of them. The boy's father, a widower named Nobuyuki, was happy to have the beautiful intergalactic boarders at his house. It appealed to his chivalrous side that was gallant and helpful to the fair sex, and his voyeuristic side that enjoyed observing a group of beautiful sexually frustrated females competing for his son's attention.

The death of a spouse can have a profound psychological effect on the survivor. In Nobuyuki's case, it was an uncanny desire to observe slender baby faced women and their attempts to seduce his son. No matter how much chaos it caused in his house at the Masaki shrine, it never got old.

One morning, Nobuyuki met his father in law Katsuhito while walking the forest path that led to his morning commute.

"My, my," said Katsuhito with a twinkle in his eye. "You look happy."

"Oh boy, I sure am, Dad," Nobuyuki smiled as the old man fell into step with him. "I think that they're lesbians!"

The old man shook his head in feigned disgust. "You are always saying that about Mihoshi and Kiyone."

"No-no," Nobuyuki shook his head. "Not them, Father. Ayeka and Ryoko. You can cut the tension with a knife."

Katsuhito could no longer keep a straight face. "Come now," he grinned, "you can't really believe that. The way they fight over Tenchi so much?"

"Yeah, but this morning I noticed something," Nobuyuki's voice became conspiratory, "I noticed that Ayeka is always getting jealous over Ryoko. All this time I thought that they were competing for Tenchi, but now I'm starting to think that Ayeka is jealous because Ryoko is attempting to two-time her."

"Oh?" Katsuhito became interested in spite of himself. "What makes you say that?"

"Have you ever heard Ayeka confess her love to Tenchi?" Nobuyuki asked him. "Has she ever scolded Tenchi for spending time with Ryoko? Ayeka is always getting in Ryoko's business, not Tenchi's. Think about it."

Katsuhito broke out laughing. "Now that you mention it, a lot of the arguments over Tenchi could go either way. Ayeka could be possessive of Tenchi, or Ryoko. This love triangle could actually be a triangle, not a simply a 'greater than' sign. I wonder what Tenchi thinks about it."

"I sure hope Tenchi likes girls," said his worried son in law.

"Aren't you being a bit of a hypocrite?" Katsuhito scolded. "You seemed thrilled with the idea of lesbians living under your roof."

"That's when they were young and sexy girls," Nobuyuki wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead. "Believe it or not, I want grandchildren. You got a grandson. Don't I get the same thing?"

"You worry too much," Katsuhito shrugged. "I'm sure that all of this is just in your mind. Sexual boundaries are different for women than for men, and perhaps Tenchi hasn't met the right girl."

"'Met the right girl'?" Nobuyuki repeated incredulously. "There are six beautiful girls in that house! What kind of freak does he have to be not to find one that strikes his fancy?"

"What kind of freak do you have to be count little Sasami in there with the rest of them?" Katsuhito chided.

"Sasami is the best wife material in there," Nobuyuki shrugged, allowing his male chauvinism some freedom after being in a house full of women. "She cooks, she cleans, she never complains, and she's a born caregiver. I know which girl would make the best mother for my grandchild, I'll tell you that!"

"She would make a good mother indeed," Katsuhito nodded. "She certainly takes care of all of you." The old man rubbed his neck self-consciously. "Between you and me, I've always had a soft spot for Kiyone. She has a good head on her shoulders."

"You're just saying that because she reminds you of your dearly departed wife," Nobuyuki joked. "I've seen the photos. In the old days, she was a real looker!"

"She was indeed," Katsuhito became wistful, then glanced at his son in law with a mischievous eye. "Still, she was never an athlete like Kiyone is. Then I'd have to be the legendary warrior Yosho not to be intimidated!" They both laughed at the inside joke.

"So do you think Tenchi will marry Kiyone?" Nobuyuki asked.

"Are you kidding?" Katsuhito retorted. "Mihoshi would be heartbroken!"

The two men shared some guilty laughter and then became silent.

"Seriously father," Nobuyuki's voice sounded concerned. "Do you think that there's a girl out there that Tenchi will like?"

"You can believe in alien spacecraft and not that your son will find the right girl?" the old man shook his head in exaggerated disgust. "Shame-shame. Well, good look on your business trip. See you in a few days."

At that moment an ion storm pulsed through the solar system, interfering with the signals of all of the artificial satellites orbiting the Earth. Even more disruption was caused to the hyperdrive of a passing spaceship. The ship broke through the barrier between dimensions and found itself careening towards a bluegreen world that was the third planet from the system's sun. Unable to regain control of her vessel, the pilot set the controls of the tiny craft to home in on the closest beacon used by a starship or base used by the Galactic Union. As luck would have it, the sensors found a Galaxy Police beacon on a mountainous island near the planet's largest land mass.

On the planet's surface, there was a house at the bottom of the mountain that was the Masaki shrine. In this house lived the boy. (Remember the boy? I believe that I mentioned a boy.) In the living room was…(no, not the boy; we will get to him later) a woman with teal colored hair wearing a white sweater black leggings, and a white miniskirt. Around her head was an orange bandana, that clashed horribly with her outfit. On her ear was an earring that looked like a tiny red sphere. A red sphere that was blinking with a crimson light and making quiet electronic beeping noises.

"Mihoshi!" the woman announced to the bronze skinned, blue-eyed blonde sitting on the couch in front of the television set. "We've got an alert!" The woman glanced at a device on her wrist that emitted holographic data at the touch of a button. "Yagami's sensors have detected a spaceship was knocked out of hyperspace!" she gasped. "That ship is out of control! We've got to launch Yagami and look for survivors!"

"Now wait a minute Kiyone," her blonde companion protested. "You heard what Washu said! It won't be safe to go into space for another six months! The gamma rays from those two colliding supernovas are going to keep the solar system isolated for half a year! I'm not going up there for anything!"

"You big chicken," Kiyone snarled. "We took an oath to protect and serve, remember? It's your fault that the apartment burned down and we have to live here with Mr. Masaki! We keep losing jobs here on Earth, I'm not going to lose my job with the Galaxy Police!"

"Okay, okay," Mihoshi pouted. "I just don't think that it's a good idea to go up there. We won't help the survivors by wrecking Yagami or getting ourselves killed. Let's see if Washu can help us before we risk our lives."

"I hate to admit it, but I think that you're right." Kiyone nodded. "Let's ask Washu and see if she's got anything…"

"RYOKO!" a masculine voice shouted. "Get out of the bathroom!"

"I just thought that you might want me to wash your back sweetie-pie!" a feminine voice answered. "You'd like that, wouldn't you?"

"No, I would not!" the boy retorted. (Yes, this is the boy that was referred to in the first paragraph.)

A second woman joined the argument. "Ryoko! You stop harassing Lord Tenchi this instant!"

"Sorry Ayeka," Ryoko chortled, "but we're not on planet Jurai now. Your royal title holds no weight here."

"You ungrateful ogre!" Ayeka scolded. "I grant you a royal pardon for your crimes and this is the thanks I get?"

"Everybody makes mistakes in life," Ryoko teased. "Just try to think of it as a learning experience."

"What are you two doing in my bathroom?" Tenchi protested. "I'm trying to take a bath! I thought that when a woman opens the door it opens onto that Turkish bath that Washu made!"

"We can't access that dimension right now, Tenchi my love," Ryoko explained. "It seems that thanks to the ion storm we're just going to have to bathe together!"

"Ryoko, you've got to be kidding!" Tenchi implored struggling to keep his towel over himself.

"Ryoko!" Ayeka growled. "If you think that I'm going to let you take a bath with Lord Tenchi…"

"You can join us if you want," Ryoko offered. "It will be a tight squeeze, but I think that if we really try there's room for all three of us in this tub."

"Oh!" Ayeka gasped in exasperation. "You are so vulgar! How do I put up with you?"

"Is it because I'm so cute?" the wild haired woman batted her eyes at the purple-haired princess.

"Argh!" the princess grunted in frustration. "You're just impossible!"

Clutching his towel around his lower extremities, Tenchi dashed out of the bathroom and down the hall.

"Boy," Mihoshi giggled self-consciously. "Things are never dull in this house!"

Kiyone sighed. "Come on, let's go talk to Washu."

The two Galaxy Police officers knocked on the door under the stairs. A window appeared in solid wooden door and the face of a red-haired girl with green eyes appeared. "Sorry girls," the image shook her head. "Transporting to Yagami would be a death sentence with all the ion and gamma interference right now. You two are still grounded."

"Washu," Kiyone implored. "Yagami's sensors have detected a ship in trouble. We've got to rescue it!"

"Oh," the face disappeared and the door creaked open to reveal a short woman with a childlike figure with flaming red hair. It gave the illusion that Washu was standing on a stepladder before she opened the door. "That is an emergency," The redhead agreed. "Let's see what we can do."

One the other side of the door was the impossibly large complex that was Washu's lab. Storing the laboratory in another dimension was handy for reasons of safety as well as space. The girls never discovered how the diminutive genius constructed such a vast structure that defied the laws of Newtonian physics. The little genius was sitting on a pillow that was just hovering at knee level without any means of support. Her hands played across a holographic keyboard as her eyes looked at a hologram of a monitor screen.

"Hmm," the genius pondered. "I can boost the power of my lab's real world interface and create a beacon for the space ship to home in on. I've got the parts of a tractor beam somewhere around here that I could assemble to catch it as it comes down. Either that or it's going to have to aim for the lake and hope for the best."

Mihoshi put her hand to her bottom lip in concern. "Oh my! An emergency landing in the nearby lake! I sure wouldn't want to have to do that! It sounds dangerous!"

Kiyone couldn't help but retort. "Haven't you crashed a spaceship around here already?"

"Only once," Mihoshi said defensively.

Kiyone just crossed her arms and nodded. Unlike Ayeka and Ryoko she decided to pick her battles carefully.

NEXT: No Need for a Visitor!