"I'm just trying to get an understanding of what your type is," Isabelle complained one afternoon, stretching languidly on her brother's dark blue fabric couch and knocking her boots against the wall. Alec smiled to himself. Even at ten years old, Isabelle seemed mature for her age, a girl becoming a woman right before his very eyes. Of course, he would never admit that, even to himself. For now and forever, she was only his baby sister, someone who he would always look to protect. Outwardly, though, he looked up from the fringe of his fraying attire and rolled his eyes in a gesture that made him, too, look older than he actually was.
"I don't have a type, Iz," he declared, "I'm only twelve. Nowhere near old enough to think about dating. And, and…" he made his voice a whisper, as if telling her a terrible secret, "kissing."
"Well, you told me you like guys," she said, "so clearly, you have some idea of what you like." Alec shook his head and briefly regretted telling his sister the previous week that he thought he was gay. Ever since then, all she had wanted to do was talk about boys. It was like suddenly he was her gay best friend. And besides, even if Izzy weren't annoying him, which she definitely was, he didn't want to think about dating. That was gross.
Still, Alec couldn't help but blush when he thought about one particular man, his instructor, Hodge Starkweather. He was young, for a teacher, and certainly gorgeous- more gorgeous than anyone his own age. He had silky brown hair and dimples that stood out on his young face, making him seem radiant to the twelve-year-old.
Alec knew nothing could come of it. Hodge was in his thirties, after all, much too old for him. But, with some success, he had convinced himself that it wouldn't be wrong to just sit there and admire him. Sometimes, when Hodge thought that Alec was spaced out in Latin, it actually was the case that Alec was thinking about Hodge's shining, laughing eyes. "You're thinking something," Isabelle accused, bringing her brother back to reality by poking him with her children's boot. "Spill. You're blushing."
"You're bossy," Alec said, knowing that in the end he was not going to win. When Izzy wanted to know something, she certainly could be obnoxious.
"And you're hiding something." Alec rolled his eyes at her. "You want me to go first?"
"I want you to leave and let me read my book." Alec held up his copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets and waved it in Iz's face. Gossip bored him. Reading was his passion, at least when he wasn't training to be a Shadowhunter like his dad.
Isabelle ignored him. "I kind of have a crush on Hodge," she said. Alec dropped his book and began to sputter. Izzy frowned. "What? Got a problem with that?"
"I-Izzy?"
"Your turn, brother dearest."
Alec was a terrible liar. He went with the truth. "S-sorry Izzy," he mumbled, "I like Hodge t-too?"
All hell broke loose. "Hodge is mine!" Isabelle declared, jumping on top of Alec. Alec, in a method of pure self defense, threw an arm up to push his sister away, but failed. Isabelle pinned him down, not hard enough to hurt him but hard enough to arouse his warrior instincts. He pushed back with as much force as he thought wouldn't cause her any serious pain, and she cried out, lashing back at him. "Isabelle-" he said sternly, trying to get her to stop trying to fight him. With a rallying cry, the ten-year-old pulled at his leg. "I called him! I CALLED HIM!"
"He's a person, Isabelle!" Alec said frantically, trying to reason with her. "You can't just CALL him! And besides," he said, catching her tiny fist midair, "he's too old for either of us, Isabelle-"
"Who's too old for either of you?" Robert Lightwood said, standing at the open door and looking down in distaste at his two children, fending each other off and pulling each other's hair. Immediately, Izzy jumped away from Alec and looked up at her father, her face confused and her brown eyes shining with new tears. "There has to be an explanation for this, both of you, or I'm taking you to Hodge and letting you explain to him what's going on. Maybe he'll let you off easy. Maybe he won't."
Inside, Alec began to panic. What if Isabelle told his father his secret? He would be disowned, exiled, sent away from the Clave stripped of his Marks with nowhere to go. He would die out there, in the world. He began to suppress panic as he clutched his sleeves, which started to come apart even more than if they already were. Isabelle opened her mouth to speak. Alec felt like hyperventilating. "Dad, sorry," Isabelle apologized. "It's just that Alec…Allie-"
This was it. Isabelle only called him Allie when she was trying to be endearing. He had hoped it would stop when she got older. In this moment, he wasn't sure he would ever even get to see an older Izzy.
"Allie wanted to play with Mr. Mittens," Isabelle choked out, referring to her old stuffed kitten. "I said no, but he didn't listen. And… he told me that Mr. Mittens was too old for me because I was too young and would destroy him. And… and…" Isabelle wiped crocodile tears from her eyes, largely for Robert's benefit. "And I got a little carried away. I jumped him. Daddy, please-"
"Don't hurt your brother, Isabelle," Robert said tightly to his daughter. "And besides, he is right. You should throw that old, ratty thing away." Alec sat there looking awed, a feeling of relief swelling within his chest. "Don't look so smug, Alexander," Robert chastised, "the same could be said for your sweaters. Now Isabelle," he turned to his younger child, "go to your room and do not come out until dinner. That is your punishment."
Izzy cried.
"GO," Robert insisted, grabbing her hand tightly and walking off.
When his family was gone, Alec finally allowed himself to look up from his sleeves. His dad could be so intimidating, and he hated to think that Isabelle was in trouble and it was all because of him.
All because he was made wrong.
"I'm sorry, Iz," Alec whispered into nothingness, and the tears came.
::P::P
Some months later, the golden boy showed up at the Institute, ten times as angelic as Hodge and appropriately aged for Alec's liking. Despite his shame and willing its end, every time the boy- Jace?- so much as looked at him he could feel his heart skipping in his chest. Isabelle smiled at him. She knew. She was his sister, and they would do anything for each other.
"You're right, Alec, he's cute," she told him, and Alec blushed. There was no doubt in his mind now that he liked boys, but he still didn't exactly feel like going around advertising it. "but he's yours," she finished, winking.
