Disclaimer: don't own, never claimed too.
This is a AU, and in duo's POV
Plz R+R! I beg you! I neeeed reviews!
The clock is ticking
The clock is ticking. 10 minutes turns into 1 hour, the to 2, and onto 3. And so on, I don't remember how long ago it was but it's in the past. Not the present or future, now should be long forgotten.
Darkness has an eerie, hold over my home. Curtains remain drawn, lights off. Any light that could have leaked through is blocked out.
I would say, I am alone. And probably should be, but I am not. There is a small presence, with a large aura nestled in my lap. So warm, to this otherwise cold body.
Is it really supposed to be this cold? Like the touch of death, my fingers are like ice and I have lost all feeling in them. A smile plays my lips, how could I compare myself to death? I am very much alive, though I wish different.
Why the hell should I have live? But it's cowardly to die so soon. And I am far from a coward. And refuse to be called so.
You know I have never wanted sound so much in my life, but even if I put music on it wouldn't what I wanted. This can only be explained, as I don't know what I want. I don't know how to react.
Stumbling home in the darkness that surrounds me now, a simple yet terrifying reminder. I relish it, I deserve it.
Desperately fumbling for keys, pure panic. Let me in; FOR GOD'S SAKE LET ME IN!
I needed security, I need to be clean. Scrubbing my skin, till red raw. Bleeding, it just won't stop.
My actions were machine like, programmed, and meaningless. I have lost all control, no feelings just void. Blank a pure white piece of blank paper. This is now tainted.
It's odd though; I am not in my body any more. Floating on the outside, looking in. I am just watching myself. Just watching and listening, but never feeling. I don't remember if I have a heart or soul anymore.
Wait I have a soul, a dirty soul. A dirty body, of which this dirty soul has no right.
If you asked me what is going through my head, I would simply answer 'words'.
But I don't want to think about you any more; I have plenty of other things to think about. Like… WINGS! Wouldn't it be cool to have wings? Then we could fly away and be free. To be honest we could never be free, you can say to yourself. I am free, but your not. For goodness sake think about it. How are you free?, you're simply illusioned. But I can never take away your illusions only you can do that yourself. It gets to the point of doubting yourself, doubting your own mind. Everything you live by, time, place, everything.
It burns, sends scorching blinding pain through your mind and body. Oh god it hurts, oh god it hurts.
Some much for thinking about something else, guess that idea is thrown out the window. Or would be if I could actually see the windows.
I already said it's gone now, in the past. Not present or future. But it will rule my life, makes you paranoid like months of war. Yeah war does that to you, I would know. Or do I?
I'm trying so hard to block this out, you don't even know. I'm trying, I really am. But it's not enough, it's not enough. Please just leave me alone. I'm begging, the point of desperation is long gone. I am once again at the point of blind panic, oh god's just leave. Stop haunting me, leave me ALONE!
Please? I'm asking nicely, I'm whimpering. Losing all possible intact pride. I'll tell you one thing though. Blood continues to flow freely, as do words, but tears do not. Because when we do not feel, tears have no consequence. Leave me now, I mean it. Leave me to wallow, to lose more feeling. Watching and listening, still on the outside looking in.
R+R! Pleeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase?
