Never Forget
A/N~ This is yet another bunny that would NOT. LEAVE. ME. ALONE. Oh, and to add insult to injury, it came with a twin. Yes my friends, I'm making a f***ing two-shot. Why am I enjoying this? I am NOT a friggin masochist! I'm a SADIST damn it!
…well enjoy kids. This whining little girl is off to pack her things and move into a padded room. Nice knowing you!
A/N 2~ Now edited! Again…ahem, but as for this, you can see some definite changes, especially in the new backstory of how Nuju came across Matoro. It's very vague here and brief, if not fully explained, but it will all make sense in my new fic 'Prodigal'. Check it out!
Part one of a three-shot.
Summary: After hearing the brunt of what was to come in the near future, Matoro oddly seems…serene. Being told to his face that he, his city, was going to die, he oddly doesn't seem to care. It's just the one life he has come to love that he wishes to keep alive…
HUMAIZED!Bionicle ahead! Part of a three-shot people!
This is pre-Island of Doom.
Enjoy!
Matoro's POV
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"I'm sorry to say my friends, but…it seems the end is near. Mata-nui…is going to die…"
Strange, how those words were only said to my Turaga, through my ears, only a few days ago. And stranger still, I felt no such worry for myself, my city, my people. No, I felt…serene. Calm even. It was…so strange. Eerie. But even still, I felt scared. Not for my city, not for anyone. Not even myself…
Just one person.
I had practically locked myself up in my hut after we heard the news from Dume's lips. The other Turaga didn't seem surprised when I had frozen up, looking ready to be sick, and fled from the room after hearing it. If anything, they felt a little guilty that I had to once again be the retainer for such a harsh secret. Especially Nuju…
Once again, I was shunned by many Matoran. Many that learned that I was the only Matoran on Mata-nui that knew of their old city, knew of their lives, their memories, had shunned me with harsh words and even harsher expressions. And oddly enough, I took it all with a downcast gaze.
I didn't mind.
I never was a Matoran like my people. I was too different. I was a black lamb among pure white sheep.
A Matoran who was too kind, smiled too much, was too social, and socialized with the wolves of Onu-metru. The flock shunned me, and left me to fend for myself.
I didn't mind…
Instead, I'd put on a mask of a smile, and go on with my life in stride, even if I cry behind the mask. I was just the same bittersweet Matoran Turaga Nuju found barely thriving in the ruins of Metru-nui, bitter, angry, and alone.
But it seems life decided to give me a second chance. Despite all the obstacles we had to face, all of which I would never put my Turaga through again, I was finally able to smile again. I would be taken to the surface after being alone for so long, and with the Matoran's memories gone, I could start over! I was free to be who I was without a second thought!
…if only that were true.
Even if it was just for a while, it was all for none. I was alone again…
But at least now I wasn't truly alone, and I wasn't angry like I used to be; I didn't hate. Nuju was by my side this time, still watching out for me and leading me out of dark times. The elder was always there to make me smile, always there to pick me up, and always there to fill that empty space in my heart. Nuju was something precious to me, like my own father. I loved my Turaga, and I sometimes wondered if the same went for him. I'd do anything for my Turaga, if only to keep him safe and happy.
And he was going to be taken away from me.
No, I wasn't worried for the people that shunned me, not for the city that didn't care, not for anyone. Except for that one Turaga of whom I loved like my own father. And I was scared for him…
Maybe it was because of that dream I've been having for the past few weeks…
I'm simply falling, in what felt like a waterfall. Bright, golden light surrounds me, and I feel myself fading. I can hear my own heartbeat pounding into my ears, my very body slowly vanishing into bright particles. I can only think of Nuju and the few friends I managed to keep. But mostly Nuju.
And even with the knowledge of my very being fading into nothingness, I don't feel afraid. Instead I feel…happy. I don't feel scared that I'm fading. For some reason, I feel at peace. And for some reason, I know everyone is safe; it's only me that's fading away. Everyone is safe, it's just me. Nuju's safe…
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I wake up from that very same dream now, staring at the ceiling of my makeshift hut. My heart is racing and I'm covered in a cold sweat; just like those other times. It's always the same…
I groaned lowly and hid under my blankets. I didn't want to get up. But I don't want to dream again. I just want things to go back to the way they were…
'You have to get up…' a little voice in the back of my head says. Probably my more responsible side again. And granted, I really did have to get up. I had work to do on rebuilding a tower.
Sighing, I tossed my blankets off of my body, shuddering from the sudden draft on my bed-warmed skin. Movement was sluggish and slow, like walking through sand.
I didn't even bother making my bed, but I at least had the decency of placing my penguin plush toy on my pillow before getting ready. And there was that face again. The same face I always made when I woke up from that dream, staring at me in my mirror like a zombie. I splashed cold water on my face to wake myself up and get some color back into it.
Now dressed, I did a once over in my mirror again, tugging at a lock of my hair. I was thinking of getting it cut, but when I voiced this to Nuju, he didn't seem to approve. Stupid jerk couldn't keep his damn hands on his own head and play with his own hair if it killed him.
At least the fresh air would do me some good, or so I hoped. I had to stop by my Turaga's office to pick up the blueprints to the tower I was overseeing reconstruction on. And honestly, I wasn't looking forward to it…
It hurt seeing him under these circumstances and what I knew was to come. It hurt knowing that one of these days, I wouldn't be able to see him like I used to. Maybe the last thing I'll see is his face of pain or terror as death comes to us. I didn't know, nor did I want to.
"Turaga…" I greeted, not looking towards him as I shuffled to the far desk in his office to gather the file on the tower.
I didn't hear anything from him, but I could feel his sharp gaze on my back. I wanted to look back at him, but I was afraid of possibly breaking down into sobbing wreck if I did. Not that I wasn't too far from it, but still, I didn't feel like testing my limits.
I had to stay strong and proud. For his sake…
"Matoro…"
Damn it, why did he have to sound like that now of all times?
"Yes?" I didn't look at him as I responded, instead opting to observe the candle in front of me. It looked like it would burn out soon with how short the wick was getting.
I nearly flinched when I heard Nuju push his chair out, his steady footsteps getting louder as they approached me. But again, I refused to look at him. I just watched the few droplets of wax slither into the candle holder and harden into a dripping mass.
"You're troubled…" he said. A statement. How fitting…
"Oh?" I try to sound nonchalant, normal. But I sounded pathetic…
A sigh from him. I faintly felt his warm breath ghost over the back of my neck, and I fought off the shudder it brought in me.
"Matoro…I-"
"I have to go now. The others are waiting you know." I finally looked up at him and smiled that fake smile of mine. It actually hurt to smile like this to him, to lie to him. But I had to be strong. I had to show him that I was okay.
He seemed slightly stunned when I interrupted him, but he didn't get the time to retort as I sped my way to the door with my work in hand.
"I'll see you in a few hours…" were my last words as I departed.
Huh, it was snowing…
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I honestly wasn't focusing on my work. But I was getting things done correctly at least; like I was on autopilot. I just wasn't hearing my own words or paying attention to my actions.
Really, I was feeling a headache coming on from staring at all this…white. Odd considering I live in a world of white. Ugh, I'm yammering again. And I was feeling a bit hot…
'Ugh…I think I'm getting sick…again…' I thought. Sick indeed…
I didn't want to be here. If anything, I needed a distraction. Why was I even here anyways? It wasn't like it was a good idea to let someone like me with traumatizing news out in the city. Where did they even get the mere idea? Where-
"Where are they?"
…well, here's my distraction. Thanks a lot Mata-nui. Your dying humor is the highlight of my day. Really…
"Who?" I asked in a neutral tone, keeping my gaze locked on my clipboard. I was seriously not in the mood to amuse Jaller right now of all times.
"The Turaga. The Toa Nuva. No one has seen them today, and whenever they vanish like that, it means trouble is coming. Now where are they, and why aren't you with them, Matoro?" Jaller demanded.
Questions, questions, questions…
I looked at him with a weary gaze, contemplating whether or not to just tell him to take a hike or ignore him. My headache was really starting to become a pain now. He was becoming a pain…
"If I tell you, I would violate my oath…" I paused briefly to gather my thoughts, "If I tell you I know nothing, I would be lying to a friend. You can imagine how enthusiastic I am about having to make this choice. I'm sorry Jaller, I can't give you an answer." I used a bit of sarcasm on 'enthusiastic'.
Oddly though, Jaller just pat my shoulder like he was amusing a child and gave me a smug look.
"Alright. But in this case, not giving an answer is giving an answer…" I tuned out the rest of his words with a blank stare. That headache was becoming a migraine. I was going to need to take my medicine again soon…
I simply shrugged as he finished.
"I can't imagine who you can ask." I said as I scribbled some notes down onto my clipboard. I missed Jaller smiling and gesturing towards the coast.
"Oh, I do. You like riddles Matoro. Try this one. What's white and gold and can't keep a secret to save his life?"
Snap!
My brow twitched as my pencil broke under my irritated hand.
I think I broke a blood vessel or something in my head. This didn't feel healthy…
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After I got off work, I assumed it a good idea to take a short cut to the Coliseum to meet up with the Turaga for the usual report updates and such. Plus, it would probably be best if I report Jaller's nosing around to them. Brilliant as always moron, simply brilliant.
The few faces I got were livable, but what hit me next was enough to give me a migraine. Literally.
"Hey Matoro!"
"Wha-?"
Thwack!
Hysterical laughter and pain was all I registered as the rock loaded snowball hit me square in the temple. I fell to my knees and clutched the side of my head with a hiss and gritted teeth. I could feel the telltale signs of blood from the fluid warmth that slowly dribbled down the side of my head.
Ehrye stood off to the side with a few other troublemaking Ko-Matoran, laughing to themselves in obvious amusement. A few passing Matoran gave me concerned looks, but otherwise tried to move on. I guess it's a bad vibe to assist a considerable secret keeping traitor. Though it was a bit hard to mentally confirm the thought with the splitting headache I now had…
"Hey! Knock it off!"
"Run boys!" Ehrye and his band of thugs ran off laughing as Kopeke ran them off with a Kohlii stick in hand. I didn't pay much mind though, too busy picking up my dropped reports.
"Hey, Matoro, you okay? You're bleeding." Kopeke said in concern as he knelt down to me. I simply gave him a small smile in reassurance.
"Yeah, I'm fine Kopeke. Thanks…" I wiped off the blood with a bit of snow and brushed some of my hair over the cut to hide it.
"…you know if Turaga Nuju sees that, he's gonna freak out…" Kopeke said.
"I'll be okay, really. And I have to get going."
"You sure you don't want me to walk with you?" His concern was sweet, really. But…
"I'm okay Kopeke. I'm always okay!" the smiles I keep pulling are starting to get harder and harder to make. But…as long as the others I care about believe them and are happy, it's okay if it hurts.
I'm okay…
"You're…sure?" he persisted. It's odd hearing this from Kopeke.
He's always been so shy, many presumed him cold hearted and mean. But he's honestly just a shy sweetheart. He cares deeply for those who understand him, and we're both comfortable with each other. Nuju often said that I was very good for him. He actually has a few friends besides me now, even outside our Metru!
I'm just glad I was able to make him happy…
I smile kindly at him and pat his shoulder.
"You're really kind Kopeke. Don't ever change, okay?" his face flushed a deep cherry red at my words as I departed, but I didn't bother looking back.
It hurt too much…
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I couldn't take this anymore…
After I had finally reached the Coliseum and gave my report, it seemed I wasn't the only one who got a headache during work hours. Nuju told me about Jaller's outburst at their meeting with Dume and how pissed said Turaga was, but only after…well, something in between I would rather not talk about. And now Jaller had convinced other Matoran to stop working until they got answers.
And apparently Nuju ripped Turaga Matau a new one and decked him hard, ergo the slight bruise on his knuckles. When asked why after recovering from shock, all I got was a grumble and a mumbled statement about…morons, nicknames, and…something about insensitivity? Whatever the case, it was a shock. Enough said.
This all happened about a week ago. And my strength was slowly starting to drain…
I rubbed my temples and moaned as my fingers skimmed over the now healed wound caused by Ehrye's obnoxious pranks. But apparently last week's harassment wasn't enough. Just this afternoon, Ehrye got a few of his friends to help ambush me on my way home outside the Coliseum. This time they had numerous rock loaded snowballs, and the damage wasn't too kind. Mostly my back and a few cuts on my head, but nothing serious.
But Nuju was beyond furious when I fled back inside the Coliseum with numerous cuts and bruises on my body from the attack. If I hadn't practically begged him on my knees not to do anything about it, he probably would have killed Ehrye. He wasn't happy to say the least…
"I swear to Mata-nui, I'm going to bury that Matoran…" he grumbled as he helped patch up the cuts.
"Turaga, it was nothing, I swear…" I was too tired to cause some kind of a ruckus. And my chest was hurting again…
"Matoro, it is not 'nothing' when a Matoran deliberately harms another. And in such a brutal manner no less! He even dragged those brats in with his little joke!" he said.
"Please, just leave it be…it's not the last time I've been bullied by him."
"It was uncalled for…"
"…a lot of things are uncalled for. It honestly doesn't surprise me anymore." I said with a sad smile.
I heard Nuju sigh as he finished patching me up and put away the bandages and disinfectant. Nuju didn't feel comfortable letting me go home alone to possibly get jumped and harassed again, so I had no choice but to stay with him in one of the Coliseum dorms. I was just glad it was quiet here. I was tired and mentally exhausted, and in a bit of pain. But I was getting used to it.
I didn't even eat that night. My appetite has been going for the past few weeks, and now it was gone. Plus, I was afraid if I ate something, I wouldn't be able to keep it down. Nuju tried to get me to eat, but I declined. I already had enough on my plate, the last thing I needed was to wake up feeling a Kohlii match going on in my stomach.
Nuju finally seemed to take note of my weariness, and was at first annoyed for the first few days, but now seemed thoroughly concerned. He always said I was like an open book when I was troubled, and it showed even now. I always seemed to be starting off with a distant and saddened gaze in my eyes. He even noticed that they were starting to cloud up and dull, my skin growing paler with each day. He finally cornered me in the 'living room' area and fixed me with a focused gaze.
"Matoro…is everything alright?" he asked.
I gave him a very blank look, simply taking in his form for a moment. A stern and seriously set face, dark blue eyes sharper than Muaka fangs, framed by rimless square glasses with neat, short silver-white hair. His figure wasn't too thin or thick, rather lithe and still strong from his Toa-hood. He's apparently one of the few Turaga out of his team that still likes to spar when he gets a chance.
I once tried to get him to teach me a bit of self-defense. By the end of the day, I had a fractured wrist and a twisted knee, and Nuju got a nice sized purple-black bruise on his abdomen and a bite mark on his arm. When asked about it, we just changed the subject…
I sighed and plopped down onto the couch and pulled my knees up to my chest. He sighed as well and crossed his arms with a saddened gaze.
"Of course everything isn't alright. That was a stupid question." he said with a light smile. He was trying to humor me. It was sweet, but useless.
He seemed to realize this and his smile quickly fell. Instead he sat down beside me and stared at the back wall for a while in thought. It was a good ten minutes of silence, very eerie silence, before I had the strength to speak up. Although, before I even asked this, I knew it was a strange question.
"Is it possible to hate your god?" I asked.
And unsurprisingly, Nuju turned to me with a shocked and confused expression. Quite unlike my usually stoic Turaga. But not unheard of. He's not that all-knowing as some people think or make him out to be. That's just unorthodox…
"I…what do you mean?" I wasn't surprised he didn't answer right away. Who could with THAT kind of question?
"I mean…I know you can hate someone because of something they did, however indirectly or unintentionally," I started, "But you sometimes feel anger towards them. If someone you knew of took something from you and you knew you can't get it back…and you hate that person, even though he isn't doing it on purpose…" My eyes glazed slightly and I seemed to stare off briefly before continuing.
"So…if the situation applies…can you hate your god?" I asked.
Again, the shock and slight confusion on his face isn't a surprise. But it slowly forms into a contemplative look of deep thought. He looked away at the ground for a moment, seemingly thinking of my question. I didn't bother asking if he understood or not, he seemed to be considering an answer, and quite frankly, I could use one right about now.
"Well…I…suppose it's possible. I mean, Mata-nui is in a way someone we know, however not physically. But I suppose if we can worship him, we can resent him." He said.
"Does…" I paused, hesitant, "Does that make me a bad person…?"
I didn't notice his shell-shocked gaze at my words, I was too busy trying to mentally force my eyes from shedding tears.
"What…? No…" Nuju said, sounding stunned, "No, of course not Matoro, you are anything but a bad person! I…honestly, no one can blame you for thinking like this, especially in this situation…" he said.
I barely felt him place a warm hand over my hunched back. I nodded absently, suddenly feeling tired and cold. It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my chest, but at the same time, it still felt like a burden was weighing me down. It hurts, but I blamed the pain on something else…
Nuju was giving me a concerned look. Was my face flushed again?
"Why do you ask such a thing?" he asked.
"…just…," I shut my eyes in mental exhaustion, "A little thought…"
I didn't see his expression, but I felt the couch shift a bit as he moved closer to me and wrapped his arms around me. I tucked myself flush into his warm body and just sat there, taking in his comforting presence. His scent, like musky winter air, was familiar and comforting to me. And I could faintly hear his calming heartbeat against my ear. It sounded…familiar…my dream…
'My dream…I don't want to dream again…' I thought drowsily. But it seems Nuju didn't get my mental message, as his hand eventually came up to gently run through my hair. My drained mental state plus the soothing stroking was making me tired. But if I fell asleep…
'Please…don't take him away…'
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I'm falling again…
The sound of a heartbeat is still the only thing I hear. I can't do anything except fall to…somewhere. I never did figure out what was at the bottom of this waterfall. Or if there even is an end to it. But something feels different. Like I'm holding something…
'It's…warm…' I looked into my arms, but I don't see anything but this orb of light, far too bright to see an actual shape in it. But I could feel the general shape in my hands; a mask. A strange mask at that. I've never felt this design or this…power surging through it. It made my chest feel light and lofty, and my head heavy and bleary.
And my body…it was disappearing…
'Why am I…vanishing? What's happening? What does this mean!?' I thought. I screwed my eyes shut and clutched the mask to my chest in frustration. I didn't want to be here. I wanted to wake up. I wanted to see Nuju. I didn't want this anguish anymore!
"Matoro…" wait…that voice…
"Nuju…?" I open my eyes, and sure enough, he's right there in front of me. Everything looked like it was in a stand-still, like someone hit the pause button. We're just 'standing' upside down and looking at each other. My heart raced in my chest as he smiled at me, holding out his hand.
"Please, will you come with me?" he asked.
I stared at him and then his hand in turn in surprise. This wasn't a part of my dream. I usually wake up at this point, not see Nuju! But…for some reason…
I raised my right hand up, looking through my now transparent fingers curiously and then at Nuju again. His kind smile made my chest throb painfully. He wanted me to go with him to…where?
'Does it matter?' I asked myself. This is a dream…why not enjoy it while I can?
I eagerly reached out for his hand with my own, slowly starting to let go of the mask. But just as our fingers were about to touch, I froze. His hand…it was vanishing too…why?
I pulled my hand back a little, and as I did so, his hand became solid again. I moved towards him again, and he became transparent like me, his smile never faltering. It was me…I was making him vanish?
'How…is it just me…?' I thought. My hand just hovered near his as I lowered my gaze in thought. My body was still transparent, and Nuju's only partly. I'm causing it…but I'm also fixing it if I…move away?
'Do I…have to leave him?' I thought.
'Let him go…' something in my head said, 'Or perish with him.'
Let him go…or perish with him? What did this mean?
Isn't it obvious?
'Either go with him and destroy him and yourself…or let him go and perish yourself. Alone…' I bit my lip at this. Yes, either I vanish alone, or take Nuju with me. But…I would never condemn him to something so cruel. I'd rather just go alone and let him live on. It's not fair to him to just take him down with me…
Was that what this dream was about? About me bringing Nuju down with me? Dying with me…?
Dying…
Yes…all of us are going to die. Mata-nui was taking us all with him…or was he? Was there a way to save everyone by sacrificing one? A way to save Nuju…?
'Let all others live by dying, or die with someone you love. But in the end, he will die if you choose the latter…'
That's right…I'm supposed to do something. This dream is proof of that. Nuju once told me about visions manifesting in long term dreams. He said to always trust my own judgment, to believe in myself when it comes to the ones I love.
But…is this right? To just leave him…?
I looked up at Nuju again, my grip tightening on the mask. He's still smiling at me, but more sadly, as if he knows what I'm thinking of choosing. His hand is still held out hopefully though, and I so want to take it. But…
'More than anything, I want him to live…even if I have to die to make it happen…I want him to be happy…' I sighed and held the mask to my chest again, shaking my head with a sad smile.
"I can't…" I pulled my hand away and watched him carefully. He simply lowered his hand and sighed quietly, seemingly understanding.
"So this is your choice…" he said. I nodded.
"Yes…and…" I clutched the mask tightly and looked him in the eye, "I'm not sorry for it…"
He only nodded sadly and stepped back slightly, regaining his solid form. And as if someone hit the 'play' button, everything moved on. I fell through the waterfall, but Nuju never left his spot. Now too far down to see him, I held the mask tightly to my chest and faced towards the unseen end of my fall.
Falling faster and faster, I was gaining momentum. My form was changing, glowing brighter with the mask I held. I felt lighter now, like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. There's no pain, just…me, and my memories…
I smiled.
"I'm not sorry…" I said.
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My eyes shot open just as my dream self was about to collide with the bottom of the fall. I stared up at the ceiling of…where was I?
'Oh…that's right. I'm in the Coliseum with Nuju…' I thought.
I blinked away my sleep and sat up, realizing I was lying in a bed, not the couch I last remembered sitting on. Did I fall asleep?
Looking at the bedside clock, I realized thatI did, in fact, fall asleep. But I had only slept for about two and a half hours. It was barely close to midnight.
I felt something shift beside me and I turned to my right side to see what it was. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Nuju fast asleep above the covers beside me, a book lying on his chest and his glasses still on. I blinked at him for a moment is surprise.
Well…this was a new turn of events. But not unwelcome or unheard of. Nuju and I have slept in the same bed plenty of times during terrible blizzards to stay warm. It was natural for Ko-Matoran to pair up with friends or family to stay warm at night when needed.
I sighed and rubbed my eyes, suddenly wide awake and shockingly energetic. I didn't feel as pained or apathetic as I was this morning, and that annoying headache was gone as well.
'Guess I just needed some sleep…' I thought. But…the dream was still so vivid and fresh in my mind. It was odd considering I, and I'm pretty sure many others, don't normally remember dreams when awake. Did it really mean something…?
'I'm getting ahead of myself…' I thought.
I stretched my arms and swung my legs off of the bed. I noticed my boots and jacket were gone and set neatly by the door. I looked back at Nuju at this. He must have removed my jacket and boots, and on top of that put me to bed!
I couldn't help but smile at him as I stood up. He really was too kind to me sometimes. But he's also an idiot. Really, falling asleep while still fully clothed and still wearing your glasses? I swear, if I wasn't always around to babysit him…
I sighed and moved to his side of the bed. Trying my best not to wake him, I removed the book from his chest, noting the title with a raised brow. 'How to communicate with your teenager for idiots'.
'…well that was random…' I thought.
Tossing his odd choice of a book aside on the bedside table, I managed to remove his glasses carefully enough not to wake him and set them with the book. I made a mental note to ask him about that book later.
But in the meantime, I was somewhat regretting waking up. I was too wide awake and unable to find it in me to go back to sleep. It felt like that time I drank five caffeinated mochas in one night…just without the excessive trembling and twitching…and the vibrating…yeah it's all a blur now…
I shook the thought away when I remembered something. I frowned and looked around. That's right, I woke up. But something made me wake up. I just can't remember what I heard that woke me.
My head snapped to the side when I heard it again, this time at our window. Like someone was…knocking?
Clunk, clunk, clunk!
I frowned deeply when I noticed a small shadow along the window's edge. And being as cautious as I am, I 'borrowed' Nuju's staff and slowly crept to the window. My hunter's training kicked in rather instinctively as I approached. I carefully gripped the latch and threw it open before jumping in front of whatever was out there.
"AH!"
"Gah!" I dropped the staff and clapped my hands over my mouth, staring at the Le-Matoran hanging onto the window ledge via climbing rope and hook.
"Uh…hi!" Kongu said with a sheepish wave.
I take it back. This is random.
I sighed in exasperation and tried to calm my frantic heartbeat, glaring at Kongu.
"What are you doing? Do you have any idea what time it is?" I hissed as quietly as I could without waking Nuju.
"Close to midnight, yes? But anyways, we can't speak-talk here. You need to quick-hurry down to the front." Kongu said.
I frowned at him deeply at his statement. We? Who's this 'we'?
I looked past him and down at the ground below. The sight was enough to make me groan in annoyance.
"Don't…move…" I hissed, shutting the window.
"Um…okay. I'll just wait here then…" Kongu said sheepishly, still dangling from the window ledge.
I ignored him and quickly strapped on my boots and coat. But I paused in the doorway and looked back at Nuju. Should I wake him and tell him? Should I just ignore them?
I placed a hand over my faintly glowing heart-stone, 'No…something…something's telling me I need to do this…' I sighed and swiftly retied my hair up. Really, I think I should get it cut…
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Ridiculous. This was beyond ridiculous…
"So…will you help us?" Jaller asked.
I stood before him and his little posse stiffly, arms crossed, face in a frown, and eyes boring into his. Really, Turaga Matau once said if it didn't make me look cute, I would have looked just like Nuju when he was scolding someone. Cute, right…
"Okay…let me see if I get this straight…" I start carefully, "You all want to go out of the city against the Turaga's wishes, go to an island Turaga Nokama apparently told you about, find and assist, if not rescue, the Toa Nuva from impending doom, and possibly get killed?"
Jaller shifted uneasily from foot to foot at this, the others seemingly trying to contemplate my own words and logic.
"Well…when you say it like that, I mean, it does sound a bit…" I cut Hewkii off with a raised brow.
"Stupid?" I asked.
"Matoro, please, we all know this is a bit…well, weird, but we need your help in this." Hahli said. My eyes narrowed at this.
"Why? Because I hold information you could use? I know I wasn't your first choice." I said.
My words were confirmed when Jaller looked away sheepishly with that guilty look in his eyes. And granted, I wasn't surprised. I'm no warrior, athlete, or anything like that. Ehrye always seemed to refer to me as a 'Turaga's pet'. Although that may have some standing, I'm no one's pet.
I happen to like my job. I loved my freedom to go places with someone I care about. I loved experiencing new sights, sounds, and smells. I loved waking up every day not knowing what was going to happen next.
I simply loved life to death, as Nuju once told me.
"Look…I know I'm not exactly your most favorite friend, but-"
"This isn't about you or me, Jaller…" I said at length, trying to think. The others seemed to notice this and fell into a hush.
I looked back to the building behind me housing my sleeping Turaga with a distant gaze, my chest tightening again. For some reason, it felt like I had to get away from there, even though I so dearly wanted to go back to him again. But…this was too much like my dream. A choice had to be made, and I had to choose the lesser of the two evils…
'Nuju…what would you do? Please, tell me…' I thought. I shut my eyes and sighed deeply.
I wanted to stay. But I had to leave. I knew I had to leave, but I also had a choice in staying. I don't know how, but I just do. Like destiny…
My eyes slowly opened, something clicking inside me, and I looked at Jaller square in the eye.
"…I'll go with you." I said simply.
"Wh-what? Really?" Takanuva asked in shock. I only nodded and pushed a lock of my hair behind my ear.
"Yes. But I need an hour before we can leave. That's my only condition." I said. Jaller frowned and crossed his arms.
"How can we trust that you're not just going to tell your Turaga about this?" he asked.
I think the look I gave him was enough proof he needed. He visibly looked concerned as I observed my reflection in his eyes. That smile…it was such a terrible lie. And those blue eyes were just oh so terribly trapped behind a wall. And a face forever held behind a mask. How can I still look at this reflection and smile like that…?
"Because Jaller, I'm not doing this for you…" I said, "I'll meet you at the Chutes." I added before hastily making my way back into the Coliseum to collect a few things.
And say my goodbyes…
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
My bag sat by my feet as I added the last few words to the letter. My hands never faltered even though I knew full well what was going to take place, and what would possibly happen to me. In fact, I knew it wasn't a possibility. It was written in stone. It was going to happen…
But I didn't mind…
Enclosing the letter in an envelope and sealing it tight, I looked up at my reflection once again. The scissors by my hand lay in a pile of my cut blue-white hair, and my image had undoubtedly changed. It wasn't too short, but not too long either. But it also wasn't me anymore. Just a means of trying to ease whatever fear or hesitation I had in me. Cutting away the past one might say.
I had changed into more flexible clothes and stronger armor as well. I knew the journey wasn't going to be an easy one, and I wasn't stupid enough to go out and have a disadvantage just because I didn't dress properly for a long trek.
Now I just needed to deliver the letter then return here…
But before any of that, I had to give a special 'thank you' to a certain Matoran…
Finding him was no chore. All I had to do was go to the most dingy place in Ko-metru. Case in point, the classic area behind a restaurant where he's found smoking with a few of his friends.
"So I say to the guy, hey, if you're not gonna use the damn thing, why bother pawning it off the guy in the first place?" one of his friends looked up, seeing me a few feet off.
"Hey Ehrye, looks like our favorite princess is back for round two." He cackled.
Princess, to them, was a rather suitable nickname for me ever since I met Ehrye. Though I wasn't surprised he used such a feminine name for me. I'll admit I'm not the most…masculine Ko-Matoran around, but let's face it, an insult to your gender is an insult to your gender no matter how you slice it.
And since I was going away now, well…
"Hey Matoro! Buddy! Whatcha doin' out here all alone?" I didn't let that sly smirk pass me by. I sighed and crossed my arms.
"I'm simply here to regard a last word, so to speak." I stated as they approached me. I didn't show or feel any sign of intimidation.
"Really? You didn't just come here to play with us?" he blew out a puff of smoke and held his cigarette in one hand, "Dude, did you cut your hair? What the heck man? You were pretty when it was long!"
"So I've been told," Surprising them, I snatched his cigarette away and sucked it down to the nub, holding it in for a moment, "But I didn't come here to be gushed over."
I blew the smoke in his face and dropped the bud to the ground before crushing it under my foot, Ehrye's gaze following it. He blinked and frowned before bringing his head back up slightly.
"Well if that's true, then you must have come here to-"
He didn't get to finish. My fist had already connected with his face, particularly between the eyes and the bridge of his nose. I didn't miss the slight cracking sound it emitted, confirming my goal of breaking his nose. His little buddies were too stunned to do anything but gape as he cried out in pain and fell back on his rear, clutching his face and whining like the brat he was.
"Augh! What the hell man!? Why the hell did you do that!?" he snapped. I simply held my head high and dropped my arms to my side with a disgusted huff.
"Consider us even now. Now you can get on with your miserable excuse for a life and be proud of yourself." I stepped over him, my feet planted firmly on either side of his torso, and looked down to him, glaring sharply as if I was staring at a pile of maggot infested crap.
"You make me sick. It's trash like you that make me want to spit. It's no wonder why you're disliked by so many with your charming personality. You should be thankful I'm even wasting my breath on you…" He and his friends grew even more intimidated as I shifted my jacket back to reveal the dagger strapped to my hip, dragging my finger over the blade.
"P-please Matoro…w-we were just-"
"I-it was all Ehrye's idea man!" one of his friends cut him off, causing him to turn to him in true shock.
"Y-yeah! H-he made us do it! He told us to throw those rocks at you! We didn't wanna do it!" his second friend added. Ehrye looked on in disbelief at this while I remained standing firm.
"Do you think I give a damn whose idea it was? Now scram before I cut you all and use you as bait!" That scared them off, but I kept Ehrye pinned with my foot over his chest.
Once they were gone, Ehrye started to panic, eyes shining with tears of fright and disbelief. He honestly believed his so called 'friends' would defend him.
"P-please Matoro! I-I'm sorry! I promise, I swear I won't bother you anymore! I'll do anything!" he cried.
"It's going to take a hell more than that to take back what you've treated me with! You think a frightened apology is going to fix things!? You think I'll just walk out of here and forgive you!? I should just finish you off and leave you in the gutter like the rat you are!" I snapped. He sobbed and shut his eyes in fear, trembling like the coward he is.
"But I won't…"
My gaze softened as he snapped his head up at me in surprise and fright. I sighed and kneeled down to him, taking a rag out of my pocket and holding it out for him.
"Don't look at me like that you ass. It's going to take a lot more than that for me to feel sorry for you." I said.
Hesitantly, he took the rag and wiped off the blood flowing from his nose. He was still staring at me with wide, frightened eyes, but confusion played a big role in them as well. I simply looked back at him with a blank expression. Not one of hate, anger, or resentment; just nothing.
Finally wiping his eyes of frightened tears and stopping the blood flow, Ehrye fixed me with his confused gaze.
"Wh-why…?" was all he could possibly ask. He flinched when I did nothing but simply smile softly at him.
"Because, I refuse to carry anger with me to my end. I can't hate anyone, not even you. I don't want to hate anyone anymore." I said softly.
He continued to stare at me in confusion even as I stood up. And I wasn't lying; I truly didn't want to hate anymore. I simply couldn't hate anyone anymore, not like this, not under these circumstances. I don't want to hate anymore…
"Goodbye Ehrye. And please, promise me you'll do the right thing from now on." I said. He slowly nodded at me, still quite perplexed, but the nod was all I needed.
I smiled at him one last time and left for my second destination…
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
Knocking on his door wasn't too hard of a job. It was speaking clearly when he answered with bleary eyes that nearly seemed impossible.
"Uhn, Matoro? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night…" Kopeke said, rubbing away the last traces of sleep from his eyes.
"Kopeke…" Something must have been in my voice, because immediately, his full attention was on me in surprise.
"Whoa…Matoro, did you cut your hair?" he asked. Oh…that's what he noticed.
"Yes, but that's not why I'm here. I need you to do me a favor…" I held up the letter as I explained…
X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X
Now all that was left was to say goodbye…
I picked up my bag deftly, slinging it over my shoulder before sprinting back to the Coliseum and creeping back into my Turaga's room. He was still fast asleep, undisturbed, and untouched. The sight made my insides lurch, but I gave no indication of it. I simply tip toed closer to him until I was at his bedside and sitting on the edge as carefully as possible, just looking at him.
His light breathing could just barely be heard, his chest rising and falling steadily with each breath. Calm, serene, almost in a slow motion, would describe this moment. They were the last few seconds I would spend with my Turaga. It was so hard to believe, that this was going to be the last time I see him…
'But this is for the best…it's all for you, and no one else.' I thought. I felt heat rising into my throat and eyes, immediately forcing the sensations away with a calming deep breath. I gazed at Nuju distantly and cupped his cheek gently.
'I'm not sorry for this…' I leant down, and with the touch of a phantom butterfly, kissed his cheek briefly with cold lips. Even as I pulled away, I couldn't stop the tears flooding my sight, even as I smiled down at him…
'But I only hope that you can forgive me for this.' I finally stood, not even bothering to look back, and simply left…
And I wasn't sorry…
