The End of Goodbye

"He's here again," mused one of the regulars at a bar in the seedy side of Kabukicho.

"He's been drinking himself blind this entire week," replied another customer.

"Think he owes a ton of money?" said the first customer.

"Nah, anyone who owes money that would merit this kind of drinking spree would have been picked up and beaten up by now," the second customer said.

"Hey now, he's keeping the business alive, so I can't complain," said the bartender, "but I heard it's got something to do with a woman. A courtesan."

"Musta been one hell of a courtesan..." the first customer replied with a swig of his beer.

Just then, a sultry waitress popped into the conversation, "That's the Shiroyasha, y'know. A renowned samurai. Explains that wooden sword he lugs around. Word on the street is some Yoshiwara courtesan left him for another man."

"Eh?" the customers and the bartender exclaimed in unison. "Who'da thought a warrior would be reduced to this all because of some courtesan." The second customer said.

"Can't really blame him. I heard she got engaged immediately after they broke up. And get this, her new fiance is friends with this guy!" the waitress dramatically said as she loaded her tray with drinks and sashayed away.

"Man, that's tough," the bartender said sympathetically, "no wonder he's trying to drown away his problems."


One more drink. Just one more.

Gintoki Sakata motioned to the bartender for another bottle of sake, the strongest one they have at the bar. He knew they were talking about him from the way the bartender gave him a pitying look. He didn't really care.

But he sure didn't need the bartender's pity. He didn't need anyone's pity. He just needed to drink. A few more drinks, so he can stumble on home and fall into a dreamless slumber. Anything, anything to take away all this pain that's eating at him with every waking moment.

Tsukuyo.

He shook his head violently and took three consecutive shots. Whatever it takes to drown out the memory of her name, her face, her scent, her everything. Anything to wash away the way her hair tickled his nose when he held her or the way her fingertips danced on his skin or the breathless way she would whisper his name in the confines of his bedroom. Anything, anything, anything.

For a time, she was his, and they were happy. They were deliriously happy living in his little apartment above Otose's snack bar. She became a part of the Kabukicho community, welcomed and loved by almost everyone (Sa-chan still couldn't forgive her, but they weren't hostile to each other at least). What he'd give to go back to those happier times. What he'd give to wipe away the memory of those happier times together, just so he won't have to feel this aggravating pain that keeps stabbing him in the chest.

A stab to the chest with the sword of his enemies would have been bearable; he could still fight back. But this helpless feeling, this gaping hole in his heart is a foe he can't fight with a sword.

If only it were that easy.

He had her. They were happy. Then shit hit the fan. And then he lost her.

It's a fact, but this constant realization keeps hitting him like a blow to the gut. She slipped right through his fingers after he had plucked her up from Yoshiwara and made her uproot her entire life to be with him. He'd have moved heaven and earth for her, but in the end, his own stupidity drove her away.

Gintoki, you fucking moron.

He'd have taken it if she were the one who said it, but it was everyone around him who had repeated those words to him time and again. Kagura, Shinpachi, Otae, Otose, Catherine, and even Hasegawa. They all urged him to run after her and make amends. But it was Gintoki's pride and stubbornness that paralyzed him until it was too late to do anything anymore.

Tsukuyo looked at him one last time the night they parted ways. She opened her mouth to say something, but all that came out was a sigh. A sigh that complemented her tired purple eyes. And then she was gone.

In retrospect, it was as if she knew this would happen. As if she saw this coming from a mile away. But still, she chose to be with him. She left the only home and only family she knew just to be with him. She allowed herself to be swept off her feet because she loved him. More than he deserved. And he chose to screw it all up in the end anyway.

'If I had never met her,' he mused to himself, 'If I had never fallen in love with her, never asked her out, never asked her to move in with him, what would my life have been like?'


It was summer.

The Yorozuya had just finished helping Tsukuyo with a mission regarding some smuggler who supplied fake sex toys to Hinowa's shop. It was an easy enough mission, one that they were able to finish in one day. They were all still fired up, so they decided to watch the sunset by the river with some dango.

Kagura, Shinpachi, and Sadaharu were frolicking by the riverside, while Gintoki accompanied Tsukuyo as she demurely sat on a nearby bench to smoke her kiseru.

"That's gonna kill you one day, you know." Gintoki remarked.

"Better this than an enemy I don't know," Tsukuyo responded with a smirk.

They shared a companionable silence for a while until Gintoki turned to face her, making her conscious.

"Hey," he started, "you should come by more often. I know you're busy with your Hyakka business, but it'd be nice if you could come around here on your days off. We'd show you around, give you some exposure to the world above."

Tsukuyo raised an eyebrow, "Ya say that like I'm some sorta hermit or somethin'."

Gintoki just shrugged, "I've been around all sorts of places. I'm a pretty reliable guide, you know."

"And if you were to be my guide, would you charge me for your services?" She asked, not without a slightly flirtatious lilt to her voice.

"That depends," Gintoki said as he scratched his head, "I'd do it for free if it were part of a date."

"Wha—"

"Giiiiin-chaaaaaaaan! Tsukkyyy!" Kagura yelled from the banks, "Come look, we found an alligator!"

"There are no alligators in this river, you idiot!" Gintoki yelled back, but still getting up to investigate. Turning to Tsukuyo, he clarified, "So how about it? Wanna go on a date with me?"


Walking home drunk was second nature to Gintoki. But walking home drunk, heartbroken, and miserable was another thing entirely.

He recalled a time when Tsukuyo personally dragged him back home after a night of drinking. She knocked him out, and before he knew it, he was back in his own futon with the morning sun assaulting his eyes.

The hangover he had that morning could have made him swear off drinking forever, if it weren't for Tsukuyo lying beside him. Her hair was a mess and half her face was squished into the pillow, but the way the sun bounced off her blond hair made her look ethereal. Just seeing her so relaxed in his presence was enough to lessen the pounding in his head.

And now, another man, that man, would be the one to see that vulnerable side of her when he woke up.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK.

Gintoki cradled his head in his hands and stopped walking. He hated how his once pure and unblemished memories of the life they shared became marred by the fact that it could be the same life she's probably living with that man who had the gall to propose to her so soon after they broke up.

He hated how he knew who her fiance is. He knew the man's face, his name, where he might be right at this minute.

He hated how he's the one she chose.

He hated how there's nothing he can do about it.

Most of all, he hated how he still loved her.


AN: Sooo, what do you think? Please leave a review. I'll do my best to update this within the week.

And yes, the big reveal for Tsukky's fiance will be in the next chapter, don't worry ;)