Golden Sun…The Not-So-Lost-But-Really-Just-Locked-Away-In-Felix's-Junk-Drawer Age (Or, the
fanfic with a really long title and an even longer introduction)

Put together (rather poorly) by Marth36

Chapter One: Felix-Crazy-Legs

Summary: If you're like me, you'll already know that Golden Sun 2: The Lost Age is mere months away from release in the
USA. And if you're like me (who danced around in a circle, giggled like a little girl for the first time in ten years, and ate
several chocolates in celebration after defeating Fusion Dragon :)…or maybe you didn't do that…ah well) you're resorting to
crazy activities such as writing fan-fiction stories to pass the time for the next…several…(sigh)…months. Oh well. As you
should already know, The Lost Age will most likely involve a high dosage of Felix n' Company throughout the game. SO
HERE I AM, writing a little story about…Felix and friends…hey, I thought the fan-fiction-reading community should see
how they suffer when YOU play their game! That's right, YOU! MWA HA! (Actually, I think they only suffer on my
account because I think I'm the only video-gamer who likes ramming them into walls and killing them off in battle. Oh
well…)

Please don't sue me or make rude criticism, this is my first humor fic that I've done all by myself. (The first humor fic that I
wrote was co-written with goldensnitch48—read "Hogwarts and Hairspray" to see the chapters I wrote.)

Soo…Felix and his 'gang' are lying exhausted on the little broken-off island that is Idejima…
Felix, especially, considering he is in that long cloak, and thick gloves, and even-thicker boots,
and don't even get me started on the scarf and layered shirts…
"I get the point!"
Right…anyhoo…
Poor, poor sweaty, smelly Felix and the 'other guys' lay there…
They lay there some more…
They had nothing to do except lie in the sand and bake in the sun…
"Hey, I'm hungry," said Kraden.
*WHACK*
"Jenna!" said a very-bored-and-with-nothing-else-to-do-except-pick-on-my-little-sister Felix.
"Now what did you do that for?"
"Get some menstrual cramps and you'll know why!" snarled Jenna.
"I'm still hungry."
"Aw, shut up."
Anyhoo…
They simply lay there some more…
*TWO COFFEE BREAKS AND ONE IN-BETWEEN MEALS SNACK LATER*
Yep, they were still lying there exactly as they were when I last left them.
Then, suddenly, Felix jumped up. Quite energetically, he began speed-walking around.
"What are you doing?" Jenna asked curiously.
"I don't know!"
"What do you mean you don't know?" Alex said.
"Something's…making me…move…around…like…this!" Suddenly Felix bumped into a wall.
*SMACK*
"GAH!" Felix had finally stopped. He was holding one hand to his nose. "Crikey! That hurt!"
"'Crikey?'" repeated Alex.
"I watch Crocodile Hunter in my spare time, thank you very much," said Felix importantly.
"Crocodile Hunter?"
"Duhh! Haven't you heard of television?"
"Tel-eh-vih-sion?" said Alex slowly.
"I have a life OUTSIDE of Golden Sun, unlike you—and, of course, the person writing this
story. EAT THIS, CAMELOT!"
"I'm still hungry," Kraden reminded the group. He was rewarded with another *whack* from
Jenna.
*WHACK* (Just in case you needed the *WHACK* to remind yourself…)
"One more peep out of you and you are grounded!" Felix said, pointing a finger at Kraden.
"But—"
"Sh!"
"But I—"
"Sh!"
"You're acting immature—"
"Let me tell you a little story of a man named 'Sh!'" said Felix, beginning to walk around again.
"All I wanted to say is—"
"Knock-knock."
"Who's there?" said Kraden.
"Sh!"
Kraden opened his (hungry) mouth to say something else but Felix interrupted with a "Sh!"
"That was a preemptive 'Sh!' Just know that I have a whole bag of 'Sh!' with your name on it,
mister!" Felix said, walking around again.
"Who's doing this to Felix?" asked Sheba. Unfortunately, because of her one-line dialogue
(stupid dialogue writers…) no one paid much attention to her.
*SMACK*
Felix had just crashed into the wall again. Kraden sniggered. Jenna rolled her eyes and kicked
Alex instead.
"Hey! Ow!" Alex rubbed his blue-haired head. "Now what did you do that for?!"
"I think slapping Kraden is only making him stupider," Jenna said.
Meanwhile Felix was bumping into the wall again and again.
"How did a wall get here?" Alex asked.
"Hmm let's see, I'm walking around with no control over my legs and you wonder how a wall
got here. I SEE WHY YOU DIDN'T GET MORE GAME COVERAGE, ALEX!" Felix yelled.
*SMACKITY*
"Gosh-darn-it!"
"'Gosh-darn-it?'" repeated Alex (he isn't smart enough not to repeat things, but don't tell him
that).
"I think this story is G-rated," said Felix in apology. Luckily Good Old Jenna was there to save
the story from getting too boring.
"No, no, it's PG-13," Jenna said.
"Oh, in that case—"
*SMACK SMACK SMACK A WOP-BAM-BOOM SMACKY SMACKY*
"ARGH! DAMMIT!"
"Now that's more like it," said Jenna.
"Stupid-video game-player!" Felix snarled as he began tripping over logs and branches strewn
over the ground.
Alex was studying the branches. "Hmm… strange…"
"What's strange?" asked Sheba, but again, because of her put-in-at-the-last-minute dialogue,
everyone ignored her.
"What's strange?" said Jenna, and because of her bossy-ness, and of course, the fact that she had
said 'menstrual cramps' earlier in the game (snigger) made everyone hear her.
"The layout of these branches to their astrologic positions in accordance to the ruling planets of
the Seventh House in the Twelfth Month of the Seventeenth Year—"
"Get on with it, dimwit!"
"—they predict that Felix will have plenty of bad luck, become ill at a very young age, and die
friendless and alone. Plus, he'll never score."
"Well DUH, numbnuts! Doesn't take a genius to figure that out!" said the ever-so-cranky Jenna.
"What was that?" Felix yelled as he fell over a stray log.
*WHOCK*
"Dammit!" he yelled.
"It was nothing, Felix! …just a little astrology lesson," Alex said.
"Oh."
"Oh right," Alex said suddenly. "I forgot to tell you—the layout of those branches also means
that it's a poorly-disguised trap that will collapse any minute now—"
*SNAP*
"YAAAAAAAAAH!"
"Okay, it just collapsed."
"NO KIDDING, BUNGHOLE!" yelled Felix from the depths of the pit.
"WHO'S DOING THIS?!" Sheba screamed. Unfortunately no one heard her but Felix. (Author's
note: He only heard her because he's COOL! Yeah! …sorry, I'm a Felix fan. ?)
"Apparently, whoever's doing this does not like me very much," he answered as a bowl of
candied yams promptly fell from the top of the trap and hit him on the head.
"Maybe it's the astrological positions of the branches!" Alex said. "I must make more
calculations!" And off he scurried with his trusty calculator and a piece of paper.
"Where'd he get those?" asked Kraden.
"I believe he stole them from 2002," Jenna replied crankily.
"I heard you can eat paper," Kraden said. "Do you think I could eat that piece he's got with
him?"
"You know, a bowl of candied yams just hit me on the head, Kraden!" the not-so-happy Felix
yelled. "EDIBLE…CANDIED…YAMS!"
"Candied yams? Gross!" said Kraden.
Felix threw the bowl of candied yams at Kraden.
"Aww, Felix," whined Kraden. "Now you've got candied yams all down my beautiful, beautiful
robes."
"Put a sock in it, Kraden."
"I haven't got socks. I'm wearing boots, like everyone else in this damn game."
"Then put your boot in it, Kraden."
"I don't wanna."
"All right, zip it."
"You're being mean—"
"Zip it."
"Felix--!"
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, ex-zip-it A!"
"Jenna, would you please back me up—" said Kraden.
"Look, I'm Zippy Longstockings!" said Felix.
"But—" protested Kraden.
"When a problem comes along you must ZIP IT! *whip crack* ZIP IT GOOD!" said Felix from
inside the hole.
"Stop!"
"Donburi ramen kintaro," said Felix.
"What does that mean?"
"Subtitle—'Zip it.'" (NOTE: 'Donburii ramen kintaro' does not mean 'zip it.' And now back to
our original programming.)
"You know, I'd just like you for once to talk like a normal adult—" tried Kraden, but Felix, the
oh-so-mysterious-guy-that-makes-all-the-girls-shriek-in-adoration-and-write-long-fan-fics-about-falling-
in-love-with-him, said,
"Zip it!"
And Kraden did zip it. *whip crack* He zipped it good.
Finally Felix got out of his hole. (Don't ask me, it's another crazy plot twist by the good people
at Camelot. But I kid. I LOVE YOU CAMELOT SOFTWARE PROGRAMMING! YOU'RE
BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE!)
"Now what do we do?" Jenna said (still crankily).
"Let's see, how about we find out if I will still have absolutely no control over my legs—" Felix
started to say, but then…
*WHOOSH!*
"Hey, wait a minute! Why would my legs go 'whoosh?' "
"Don't ask me," said Kraden.
"Anyhoo…"

TO BE CONTINUED!

(…All right, that IS there to piss you off. HA! HA HA! HA HA! EAT THIS, STUPID PLOT
CONVENIENCES!)