Alone
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. If I did, Grissom & Sara would never have left and we'd have some steamy GSR scenes ;)
A/N: This is my first fanfic. I hope you like it. Thank you to my awesome beta, you know who you are. Not sure how many chapters it'll be yet. I need some encouragement.
Rating: T but may change to M in later chapters.
Chapter 1
She was gone.
Realization hitting Grissom like a ton of bricks. He was unable to comprehend that he had lost her again.
He'd almost lost Sara when Natalie took her, leaving her to die.
Yet they had rescued her, barely, and he would always be eternally grateful to whatever power that kept her alive. He couldn't find the words to express to his team, his family, how much he appreciated what they did to find her.
Then he lost her for a second time when she could no longer cope living in Las Vegas, she upped and left, leaving behind only a letter. A letter without any real explanation, with no clue as to where she was going or whether she would ever return.
She even came back to him when they lost Warrick. Sara had returned to his side and tried to help him through but now she was gone again.
He knew this time she was gone for good. It was all his fault, he knew that.
After losing Warrick and then Sara again Gil Grissom's world started falling apart around him. Everything he had ever known, everything he had worked for and achieved, no longer held his attention. He'd lost all enthusiasm.
Grissom had even started making mistakes at the lab, mistakes which could've proved costly if not picked up on by Hodges.
After yet another restless night's sleep, Grissom went to the lab early. It was better than being alone at home. The home he and Sara had built together.
Throwing himself into his work was always how he dealt with his feelings. He would go to the lab and hide, focus on cases, anything besides thinking of his own problems and fears.
But now, the lab and his work were no longer his safety net, a place he could retreat to. It had become a place which haunted him, somewhere which drummed up bad memories, somewhere he felt trapped and felt the need to run from.
Now every time he walked into his office he could still see the image of that damn miniature, the one of Sara trapped under a car drowning.
He could remember every word she wrote him in the letter letting him know she was leaving him and Las Vegas.
And he could hear the last words he spoke to her there, "Maybe he needed her to leave him". He could still see the look on her face when she asked him "Who are we talking about here?" and him hanging his head not knowing how to answer.
Gil Grissom was a fool. He knew he was. How could he let her walk out of his life again without telling her that he loved her, missed her and couldn't be without her?
His heart was breaking into a million pieces and he didn't know what to do.
Within a short space of time he had lost two people he loved. He had no idea how he would ever recover from this heartache.
It had been well over a month since had Sara left. In that time he had not heard a word from her. No email. No phone call. No text message. Nothing. Though he couldn't blame her after the way he'd behaved towards her.
Everyday he grew more and more worried about her. She was constantly on his mind, no matter how hard he tried not to think of her.
Everyday without her he grew more and more lost.
Sitting at his desk one evening before shift, Grissom switched on his laptop to check his emails. Sifting through the administrative emails and spam he sudden saw it.
Clicking on the email he saw her name. It was from Sara.
To: .
From:
Subject: From Sara Sidle
Sarasidlevid_
Grissom's heart began to pound in his chest when he saw Sara. He felt relief wash over him that she was safe and well, but he was flooded with sadness and regret. She looked beautiful.
God he missed her.
He listened intently to her video message.
Hello from below the equator, Puerto Ayora. We've been at sea over a month now. You wouldn't believe the crew. Students, activists, scientists. The dinner conversations alone are mind blowing. There's even this er, marine biologist that reminds me of you. I wish we could talk in person but er…this is the best I could do. I want to apologise for being out of touch. I have been thinking about us a lot, though. All the moments. I thought we could survive anything. This trip has given me a lot of clarity. That last year in Vegas….I could barely breathe, let alone think, but erm now….for the first time in a really long time, I'm happy. Before I left, erm…you said something's that I tried not to hear, but now, er….I think you were right. If a relationship can't move forward…it withers. I've been waiting for you to decide. But, sometimes not making a decision is making a decision. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, er…..you don't have to worry about me anymore. I'm good. I'm really good and honestly…I think its better this way.
His heart ached for her more than ever but he couldn't help the hurt he felt. He also felt a surge of jealously upon hearing her talk of the crew, the Marine Biologist who reminded her of him. Had she found someone else? If she had, who could blame her.
Deep down he knew she loved him.
Grissom wished he could talk to Sara face to face, explain somehow, apologise to her.
He had never loved anyone like he did Sara. He was head over heels in love with her and, even though he never wanted to admit it for many years, he has been in love with her since the day they met.
He wanted nothing more than to be there with her. To hold her. To kiss her. To make love to her. To never feel alone again.
He needed her more than he needed the air he breathed. She completed him. Without her his life was empty.
He was lost.
A/N: Thanks for reading. I would love to hear what you think. Do I continue?
