Forever Autumn
Justin Hayward/Moody Blues
As the year grows old
And darker days are drawing near.
The winter winds will be much colder
Now you're not here.
A lone figure walks the grounds on a lonely December afternoon. This time of year he can not help but think of her. When they were kids, their favorite holiday was Christmas. Now it is something he has to endure. Both of their birthdays were in January. His still is, but it means nothing to him now. It only marks the passing of another year without her. He thinks to himself, 'I don't remember it being this cold when I was a student.' Anyone seeing the solitary man clad in black could not mistake that he is in mourning, but none of the younger ones remembers why or for who. It has been ten years since his best friend - - died. 'Yes,' he decides. 'It is colder.' He wraps up in his cloak and walks further away from the castle.
I watch the birds fly south across the autumn sky
And one by one they disappear.
I wish that I was flying with them
Now you're not here.
Severus sits on the rock next to the lake that used to be her favorite spot to sit. It is late in the year but the geese are still flying south. Their lonely honking haunts his heart. Winter is on the way, but he feels it will never get there. She died in Autumn. His life will be forever stuck in Autumn. He wonders how many years it will be until, like the geese, he can fly away from this place. He can not leave now. There is a young one to be protected. One day the son of his friend will not need protection any more and he will take flight to join her.
Like the sun through the trees you came to love me
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away.
Through autumns golden gown we used to kick our way
You always loved this time of year.
Those fallen leaves lay undisturbed now
Cause you're not here.
He moves like a shadow through the silent trees. He knows this time of year is dangerous for him. Thoughts of her are strongest then. He remembers their first year when they walked in these same woods. "Isn't it beautiful Sev?" She would ask him. He wanted to tell Lily the leaves were not as beautiful as her, but he was too bashful. Instead they threw the leaves at each other and return to the castle with all the colors suck in their hair. He can almost see her all these years later running by, a ghost of the past. It is only his imagining; she is not there. He picks one of the rust leaves up, but he will not kick any up with his feet. His feet fall silently, not disturbing the carpet that lays at his feet.
"I can not do as I once did."
Cause you're not here.
"I can not be what I once was."
Cause you're not here.
Like the sun through the trees you came to love me.
Like a leaf on a breeze you blew away.
A gentle rain pours softly on my weary eyes.
As if to hide a lonely tear.
My life will be forever autumn
Out of the corner of his eye he thinks maybe he sees her again. It is only sun and a trick the wind. In a sudden gust the rust leaf is wrenched from his hand and flies off. As he looks up to see it float away cold rain begins to fall on his pale face. This is the only time he can cry. When the rain can hide his tears. No one must know. No one must suspect, least of all the one he must now protect. Protect better than he protected her.
"The boy is alone in the world."
Cause you're not here.
"There are things he will never understand."
Cause you're not here.
"Will he ever understand?
Cause you're not here.
"What will he think, if he finds, I am the reason, you're not here?"
