A/N: Hellooooo :) So, I heard about the snow in Israel and just HAD to write this :)
Summary:
"She didn't hate the snow. She hated the loneliness of snow and the memories, the thoughts that came with it." When snow falls in Israel, Ziva can't help but think about the one person she misses most. Tiva. Post 11x02.
Disclaimer: I still don't own NCIS or any of it's characters ;)
Please enjoy reading! :)


"The snow itself is lonely.
There is no other time
when
the whole world
seems
composed of one thing
and one thing only."


Ziva stared out of her window, watching the snowflakes fall from the sky. Everything was white outside and to be honest, she hated it. She didn't hate the snow. She hated the loneliness of snow and the memories, the thoughts that came with it.

There hadn't really been snow in Israel in years. At least, she had never experienced it. She'd grown up without ever seeing snow. The first time she'd seen snow in her entire life had been that first December in Washington.

And now here she was, in Israel, and there was snow. People around here claimed that there hadn't been any snow in over sixty years. She couldn't know though. And really, it didn't matter.

She sighed as she looked around the garden behind the house. It was beautiful, yes. But that didn't make it less painful. Things had been okay so far and she had started to get used to not having everyone, especially Tony around.

The Holiday Season had been the hardest few weeks so far but eventually she'd gotten that under control as well. Up until now. Christmas was only one and a half weeks away and all she could think about was spending Christmas with her family in Washington, with Tony.

Sure, she didn't exactly celebrate Christmas but she still enjoyed the Season with her family and friends in Washington. She hadn't really realized how much she actually missed them all until it had started to snow.

The snow was a reminder of Washington, of the past Christmases with the team, of the fact that she wasn't just here for a summer vacation. Ziva grabbed her coat and opened the door to the backyard.

She needed some fresh air, needed to clear her thoughts. As the cold air hit her, she pulled her coat closer around her. She had never experienced Israel like this.

Some people would probably assume it was making her feel better, that the snow was comforting for her because she longed to be in Washington. But that wasn't true at all.

If anything, the snow made things harder. She didn't want snow in Israel. She wanted snow in Washington. Ziva walked along the trees and eventually came to a stop. It was the spot where she'd buried the list with Tony, where he'd told her he could change with her.

It had been the start to something beautiful. But she hadn't been ready. She'd sent him away. Ziva crouched down and touched the ground that was covered in snow. A single tear escaped her eye as the memories overwhelmed her.

God, she hadn't known snow could cause so many emotions to come to the surface. She allowed herself to fall to her knees and tried to fight the urge to cry. However, she wasn't very successful.

Tears slowly made their way down her cheeks, but she didn't even bother to wipe them away. She had actually been expecting a breakdown sooner rather than later. She just hadn't expected it to be caused by stupid snow.

With shaking hands she pulled her cell phone from her pocket and managed to dial an all too familiar number. She just couldn't take it anymore. She needed to hear his voice. After just two rings, he picked up.

"Hello?", his voice sounded over the phone. A strangled sob escaped her throat. Tony. "Hello?", he asked again. She'd gotten a new phone, so there was no way he could have known it was her.

"T-Tony", she whispered, her voice cracking. She could hear his sharp intake of breath on the other end of the line. "Ziva", he breathed. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. The most beautiful thing she'd heard in months.

"Are you okay?", he eventually asked when she didn't say anything. His voice sounded concerned. "It has started to snow", she stated in barely above a whisper. She had no idea how but he seemed to understand exactly what she was saying.

"It's okay, Ziva. I miss you too", he said softly. Another sob escaped her throat. "Where are you, Ziva?", he then asked. "The place where we buried the box", she told him.

"Aren't you cold?", he questioned immediately. She hadn't even noticed the shivers that were racking through her body. Somehow, the cold hadn't mattered. Nothing did lately.

"I am", she whispered. "Go inside, okay? I won't hang up", he urged her. She got up and walked back to the house, releasing a breath she didn't know she'd been holding when the warmth surrounded her again.

She walked over to the couch and sat down, pulling her knees up to her chest. "It never snows here", she told him out of nowhere. She could hear him sigh. "I know, Ziva", Tony said.

"Perhaps it is a sign", she mused. He chuckled: "What kind of sign?" Upon hearing his laugh, his usual self, she relaxed and lowered her knees again, stretching out on the couch.

"That something is not right", she stated. She hadn't intended to reply seriously but somehow it had just happened. "Ziva, don't question your decision. I understand", he assured her but somehow it didn't really do the trick this time.

"I do not want snow in Israel", she said bitterly. "Well, then ignore it", he suggested, laughing. Usually, she would have laughed along with him. But not this time. This was far too serious. "I cannot", she stated.

"I know", he sighed. They were quiet for a while and it was Tony who broke the silence first: "There hasn't been a single snowflake in DC yet." She swallowed hard. It was seriously strange. Definitely like something wasn't right.

And that something was that she was in Israel while her family was in Washington. Why did she make that decision again? "Do you miss the snow?", she asked carefully.

She wasn't even sure whether she had intentionally implied the question whether he'd like to come to Israel. But she was pretty sure he could hear the implication.

"I don't need snow for Christmas", he stated and she was on the verge of tears. If he had really heard the implied question, he apparently didn't care about her anymore.

"All I want for Christmas is you", he then said. "That is a song", she commented before she could stop herself. He chuckled. "Yes, it is. And it's cliché, but you're all I need to be happy this Christmas", he explained.

Her heart skipped a beat and suddenly she wasn't cold at all anymore. "I am not sure whether I am ready yet. I do not want to mess up anything", she told him honestly.

It was the truth after all. She had no idea whether she was healed yet. Maybe she needed more time, maybe she didn't. But she didn't want to take any chances.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to come here. I just..can you tell me?", he asked, sounding incredibly scared. She didn't need to ask to know what he meant. "I love you, Tony", she told him softly.

She heard his sigh of relief loud and clear and couldn't help but smile brightly. "I love you, too", he whispered back. After a moment of comfortable silence, Ziva spoke up again: "Perhaps I could show you the snow on a video call."

She could literally picture Tony's grin. "I'm at work right now. But I'm willing to get up in the middle of the night for a video call date", he offered. "That sounds wonderful", she agreed.

Just as she was about to hang up, his voice filled her ears again: "I'm glad you called, Ziva." She smiled. "I am glad as well", she told him. She hung up and smiled at the phone in her hands. Yes, she was definitely glad she'd called him.

Ziva looked out of the window again. Somehow, the snow didn't seem so bad anymore. In fact, it was beautiful.


A/N: yes, I cried. Did you?
Please let me know what you think in the reviews section! :) LOVE to hear your thoughts :)
I'm gonna write a new chapter for "Silver Lining" now :))
If you have any requests for Christmas drabbles/fics, you can submit them until Monday :) Looking forward to them!
Ugh, FFN didn't save the editing. Hope it works now haha :D
Love y'all,
~ C.