Severus Snape had once been a boy, laughing and loving, but now he was a rock, and his mind was cold and hard as the stone, and he stared unflinchingly into red eyes as he was marked, and become the antithesis of all that she had stood for.

But even rock could be worn down by the relentless pounding of wind and waves, and similarly, a toll was taken on him. Every time he put on the mask and answered the call, he wondered if he would be called upon to kill one of hers tonight…and the day they sprung the trap on the Prewett brothers, and he turned his wand on the defenceless two and saw the fear in their eyes (but there was pride, too, pride that they had gone down with a fight, pride that they were dying so that others might live, rather than living for others to die…) he had to creep away after and be sick, not just from remorse but because they had red hair like her, and if it had been another day, even another hour, it could have been her they caught, and then what would he do?

Every time a Muggle died he wondered if it were one of her cousins, an aunt, a grandparent, and if she would know he were there (she must, she had guessed so long ago when they were at Hogwarts and he was still her friend, but only just, before she had abandoned him for Potter and his posse…), and if she would hate him even more because of what he had done (but did she hate him anyway, because he killed when it could've been her family, when it could have been her?)

And then the Prophecy was taken to mean her, to mean her child (and Potters too…) and the foundation of his world shook…she wasn't meant to get hurt; she wasn't like the others (but once again his excuses fell through, just the same as when he tried to explain that he was sorry for calling her friend a Mudblood, he'd never call her that…but he had, and now he was going to get her killed, just like he'd killed the Prewett boys). And he wished he could change it, change it all, that she'd chosen him and then the child would not be there and she would be safe, safe from them all (but then neither would he, and he'd been a coward and chosen them over her and hadn't realised what it would mean.)

Because he'd wanted to fix it, to go back and repair the past, he scraped up some courage and asked his master to spare her…but it was not enough, because he couldn't bring himself to ask for love, they would have laughed and killed him if he had, he put his own life ahead of hers (and hers ahead of Potters and the childs, and for the child she died).

And with that final blow the walls and fortress fell and he was a rock no more, and part of him died too (if only he'd tried to save them all, then she might have lived) but part of him came to life as well, because if she'd thought the child worth dying for he had to keep it safe, it had to live for her (but in the end the child had to die so others like her could live and he agreed to that and wished he'd never loved so he'd never had to cry).

Authors Note: Inspired by both Paul Simons 'I am a Rock' and various Meditations by John Donne, neither of which I own, and both of which I quote