Big Girls Don't Cry

Chapter 1 – Broken Blossom

I studied the Shogi board carefully; fully aware that one wrong move and the game would be over, as they say. Nara Shikamaru took no prisoners when it came to this game. There is a reason why he is an elite Anbu tactician. Of course, I saw one way out of the trap; a radical move, that it was, it would either be brilliant, or fail miserably. I took one deep breath and prepared to move. So, you can imagine my surprise when a shrill voice called out: "Kami Sakura! Just move the damn piece already, or we'll be here all night!And some of US have a date!"

"Relax Ino, damn troublesome woman . the game is almost finished, and then we can go out on our date," The laconic reply came from Shikamaru. Ino narrowed her eyes at her boyfriend of three years, and I knew trouble was brewing. "Shikamaru, why don't we just leave the board and continue another day" I asked. Ever the peacemaker, yep, that's me. Therefore, you can imagine my astonishment when my best friend rounded on me next.

"Hey billboard-brow, maybe if you spent less time hanging out with my boyfriend, you could find a man of your own. Why do you insist on playing Shogi with him all the time? Ever heard of the expression "two's company and three's a crowd"? Can't you just give us time to be a couple?" Ino's expression looked close to tears. I felt bad, but hurt. Why didn't she talk to me before if she felt this way? I played with Nara because Kakashi suggested it to help improve my tactical training. I never meant to be intrusive. I walked to her front door and opened it. "Gomen na sai Ino, I didn't mean to intrude." Maybe I should have stood and worked it out, but at that moment, I had to leave.

Turns out I should have stayed. It was the beginning of the end. I know your thinking, "Pessimistic isn't she?" Well, then you be the judge. I left a message on Ino's anwering machine that she never answered that night.

When I woke up the next morning, I went to the flower shop to talk to Ino, who wasn't there. Her mother, who was always nice to me, was downright frosty. I should say that Mrs. Yamanaka has always been like a second mother to me. So imagine how perplexed I was by her reticence to speak to me. It should have been my first clue, but I so preoccupied with finding Ino and making things right that I ignored it.

My second big clue of the day came in the shape of a 6'0" shinobi named Naruto. We were supposed to meet for ramen before my shift at the hospital. The baka was late, that in itself was unusual. Naruto and missed ramen did not go together in a sentence. After 5 minutes of waiting, I was irritated. After 10 minutes, I began to worry. After 15 minutes, I was in the first stirring of panic mode.

As I started to turn towards the Hokage tower, I felt the familiar presence of chakra. "Naruto, where the hell have you been? I've been waiting almost twenty minutes here!" When I looked up into his face I expected to see chagrin, or even nervousness. I didn't expect to see sorrow. "Sakura-chan, I just came by to tell you that I wouldn't be able to meet you for ramen today" was the soft reply. I shrugged, "No big deal, we can meet tomorrow." With a deep breath, his head lowered even more, as he gently broke his news; "I'm afraid I won't be able to make it tomorrow either. You see Sakura, Ino called Hinata about some stuff, and well ... the outcome was that Hinata wanted me to stay away from you, and she said her father did too. Normally, I would tell them to go stuff it, but I want to ask for Hina's hand in marriage, so I have to make a good impression. You understand don't you Sakura-chan?"

Yeah I understood. I understood that somehow Ino had done a hatchet job on me. And that Hinata still wasn't secure with Naruto's love. I didn't say any of it though; I wanted him to be happy. Kami knows after the life he had, he deserved it. I bowed my head low so he couldn't see the tears that welled in my eyes. "Of course I understand Naruto, and good luck with your courting."

Not giving him a chance to respond, or for my tears to continue to well up, I disappeared in a flurry of sakura petals. I went home to change into my medic uniform. And there, in front of the house that I grew up in, was my stuff in bags. There was my mother, waiting for me outside the house, a bitter expression on her face. She handed me my bags and an envelope, never bothering to speak or acknowledge me. Dragging the bags under a tree, I opened the letter.

Sakura,

Your father and I never understood your wanting to become a shinobi but we supported it. Nor were we weren't thrilled when you were teamed with the Uchiha child and the nine-tailed demon Uzumaki. Later the choice of mentor and the field you chose, well frankly they baffled us. Although she is Hokage your shisou drinks and gambles. Your other sensei walked around reading Icha Icha Paradise books and didn't have care who was around.

Until you the Haruno clan has always been merchants at heart. But you walked a different path. Now we have resigned ourselves to your choices in life, no matter how much we don't approve or understand them. However we can't support or abide having a child so self-centered. Yes a woman that is a selfish friend who only thinks of her self and refuses to respect other couples commitments to each other.

We pray to Kami that you wake up and start caring for the friends who have always been there for you, as well as bringing honor to the Haruno clan.

Mom & Dad

Just wonderful! First, my two best friends, now my family! What else could go wrong? How stupid, you ask fate a question and she answers. I found out the answer as soon as I got to work. All my appointments had been 'cancelled', the messages on my extension ranged from polite to outrage. Apparently none of the kunoichi wanted a whore like me caring for their medical needs, or that of the males in their lives. Amazing, I was the first virginal whore in the village of Kohana! The chief of staff agreed also, that maybe it would be better if I took an 'administrative' leave, since I wasn't being productive and contributing toward the financial aspect of the hospital, I was released of duty until such time that I was reinstated.

Let's recap:

Two best friends, well they were not speaking to me. One for unknown reasons, and the other well he threw me over for the love of his life.

My family, hell they disowned me, not that they ever quite got me. But at least I used to have parents.

Place to live, oh that's right I'm currently homeless and jobless. Well not completely homeless if you count the great outdoors.

Kohana General has laid me off on an "administrative leave". Maybe sometime in the future I can get a job scrubbing toilets.

\/p

My last stop for the day was the Hokage's Tower. Yep, glacial treatment from the receptionist, and let's not forget Shizune-san avoiding my eyes as she spoke to me, before admitting me into Tsunade-sama's office. Why the Hokage's office you ask? Well, if I had no place to live and just the money in my pockets, I had to do something. So, you can imagine my surprise when I asked for a mission and I was turned down!

"Sakura, I'm sure that you are aware of that as of recently, none of the shinobi's on active duty will work with you. And there are no single missions that I can give you. Honestly Sakura! Of all the people to pull a stunt like this, well, you Sakura weren't even on the list. I knew you had a love-hate relationship with Ino, but not respecting her relationship with Nara! As your teacher, I am very disappointed in you. Hopefully, when this all blows over you can resume your life, and start to build up the trust of your peers." Tsunade said wearily, as she rubbed her forehead.

Had she looked up, she may have seen the tear that fell unbidden from my eye. If she looked up, she might have caught the hand that shakily untied my hiate and let it fall to the ground, as I disappeared in a flurry of petals. She may have even heard the soft tinkle as it landed on the floor. But she never did look up...

On my way out of the village I ran into Lee. Loud, boisterous and youthful Lee who always greeted me with such zeal. What a juxtaposition it was to see a calm and serious Lee approach me in light of all that had occurred recently. He opened his mouth to speak to me, when Tenten ran over and grabbed him. Such a venomous look she shot me. And the fierce heart that beat within my chest cracked a little bit more. I left the village with all due intent to never return. Why fight to protect a village where I would be reviled for something I did not do? Persecuted for a crime I did not commit?

In the Forest of Death, a person could get lost here; a person can find themselves here. Just ask any genin who took the chunin exams. Yes, there was a lot a person could do. Including camping out in the middle of the night, half hoping that something did come and eat her. As least then, a purpose would have been served.

Eight years ago, Uchiha Sasuke left our village to go to Orochimaru with the goal of gaining power. Gain power he did, enough so that one night he killed Orochimaru and left. Rumors ran rampant over the carnage found in the snake sannin's lair. The Anbu who found it still suffer nightmares.

Nothing was heard for a year, until word came that Uchiha Itachi had been brutally slain by his brother. Some of the villagers were expecting Sasuke to come back. But deep down inside, I knew that he would never willingly return to this village. This village held too many memories for him. It held his deepest heartache and his wounded pride. He is the Kage of the Sound Village now, with a wife and child. By all accounts, he is happy.

But when he left, a purpose was born in me. I loathed being the weakest of Team 7, and so I approached Tsunade-sama to become her apprentice. I also stopped ignoring Naruto, and began to appreciate him. The friendship we developed was as close, if not closer than siblings. Ties that bind, ties that can be broken as was just proven. And now, once again I was on my own, left behind trying to pick up the pieces of a broken life. I thought I was a good Kunoichi, a good Medic-nin, a good daughter, and a good friend. I guess I thought wrong.

Had I, in my smug superiority actually tried to steal Shikamaru from Ino? Was I so untrustworthy that Hinata whom I helped get together with Naruto would repudiate my friendship? That Lee and Tenten would think so low of me, that Tsunade and Shizune would not even ask what happened. Something, yes something about me while not starting the horrid rumors had invited people to believe the worst.

I reclined there on the damp moss, trying to stir enough energy so that I would get up and light the fire. Eventually, freezing cold, and dampness forced me to kindle a small fire. I ate and drank on auto pilot. Being emotionally numb had its uses. For instance, instead of having the breakdown I so deserved, I, Haruno Sakura,am sitting here, eating and drinking my dinner. Not bad, eh?

The old me would have been in tears, maybe even a might hysterical. But every fool knows that big girls don't cry.

Let me tell you a story, a biography if you will...

Once upon a time there was a kunoichi who was weak and always had to be saved, saved from the children who made fun of her pink hair and wide forehead that she was born with. Yes saved from the Sound team that attacked her in the forest of death, and saved from a sand demon that trapped her. The prince charming that she fell in love never loved her back. In fact he couldn't stand her and was often rude and callous in his treatment of her. One day her prince charming broke her heart, he left the village and her behind to pursue a dream. Weary and heartbroken the kunoichi vowed that never again would she be weak, nor would she ever let her heart be broken so deeply by a man.

So want to know the irony of it all? The kunoichi's heart was broken far worse by those who she thought loved her. Friends, family, mentors and villagers; yes somehow they had wrecked her heart with more precision than ever before. Love really is a battlefield.

Finally, after many hours I fell into a restless sleep, still half hoping the things that go bump in the night, would get me..

I wondered as I drifted off to sleep, would he notice my absence? Would he even care?


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