I spent most of this writing session listening to Snow Patrol's Chasing Cars on repeat. I can't get it out of my head how amazing the lyrics are for Fitz and Jemma. So, in honor (I guess) of the song that's now going to be stuck in my head for the next week, I give you Chasing Cars, the fanfic!
As always, I make no claim on copyright, blah, blah, blah. Please rxr. Lime and slight lemon ahead.
"You'll be careful," she said as steadily as her nerves would allow.
"I won't be careful," Fitz said without taking a break from packing. "I'll get the job done."
"Wh…" Jemma started. "Well, watch your back." She entered the locker room and planted her feet halfway between him and the door. "Because I just saw Hunter with Bobbi and it made me realize that…I…we…" She fumbled. "It's just that…we never really spoke about what you said to me at the bottom of the ocean."
Fitz stopped throwing things into his backpack and turned to face her. "This? Now?" Shock and frustration were clearly visible on his face. "You want to talk about this now?"
Exasperated, Fitz returned to his mission prep.
"No," she tried to laugh the awkwardness away. "We don't." But they did. She knew they did. And, as chaotic as everything was, they needed to talk about this now. Before the chance was lost forever.
"It means a lot to me that we're friends again," she tried again. "And I…I..." Ugh! Why was this so difficult? His bag was nearly ready, and she was running out of time! "Maybe, when you get back, we could finally just talk about it?"
Fitz sighed heavily and spun around once more, this time refusing to let his eyes leave the floor. "There's nothing to discuss, Jemma."
He took a few paces towards the exit, staying to the right as much as possible so he could get past without any further incident. But the rooms at the base were small, and Jemma wasn't ready for him to leave just yet.
She reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping him in his tracks. "Maybe there is," she whispered.
The young engineer's blood froze. He felt unable to move, yet at the same time, he sensed himself shifting closer to Jemma.
So many thoughts ran through his mind. So many questions. He was just about to say something when Coulson appeared out of nowhere, snapping them both back to reality.
"Agent Fitz," the Director called. "We're on the move." Fitz nodded and followed him out, leaving Jemma without saying another word.
It wasn't the way he wanted to leave her, but then again, he never wanted to leave her. Given the right circumstances, he would be happy to stay by her side forever.
But these weren't the right circumstances.
SHIELD was falling apart for the second time in less than three months. Fitz knew he needed to be there, on the front lines, doing whatever he could to save lives before he could move forward with his personal life. He and Jemma had already waited years; what difference would a few more hours make?
Fitz spent the plane ride to the naval carrier trying to get Jemma off his mind. As Ward would have said, she was his weakness. And he could not afford to be weak right now.
But no matter how hard he tried, it was impossible to not think of Jemma. This plane was one they had never ridden n together, so he wondered how she would like it compared to the bus. He thought about the first time they'd been in a plane together, on the way to the Academy. He thought about the classes they'd taken together, and the assignments they'd worked on together, and all the times they'd shared with Coulson and the team. It wasn't until he saw the SOS signal blipping in and out that he was able to refocus to the task at hand.
Fortunately, Fitz managed to maintain that focus throughout the rest of the mission, but the moment he knew everything was OK, he thought of Jemma again, only this time in a completely different light.
He thought of Jemma being in the same danger he was just in. He thought of her being helplessly outmatched by the inhumans, but knowing she could not back down. He thought of her holding the pipe when Gordon reformed around it, feeling the teleporter's life drain from his body. He thought about her being in that danger, knowing the last words they'd shared had been anything but kind.
It made him feel sick.
Fitz knew he needed to make it right. He ran up to the main deck and asked to be put on the first flight back to base.
That first plane was specifically so Coulson could be rushed back to the base for treatment. Fitz wasn't scheduled to be on it, but he said it would be a good idea for him to return with the Director so May could fly the jet and he could help with the medical equipment or the radar should anything else happen on the way back to base. It wasn't his best excuse, but nobody thought twice about letting on that plane.
May flew as fast as the jet could go, but the time it took to get home still felt like an eternity.
Coulson was anesthetized and stable, and May, the only other passenger of note on the plane, was so good at avoiding detection, there was very little for Fitz to actually do while mid-air. He tried to sit calmly, but instead, he fidgeted helplessly, thinking of what he could do to repair his relationship with Jemma.
He had a whole speech planned by the time they landed, but as soon as he saw her, everything he rehearsed evaporated into thin air.
Jemma rushed into the hanger with a gurney and a mob of nurses as soon as the plane's hatch opened. She commanded her team clearly and directly, but there was still so much fuss around the Director, Fitz barely managed to catch a glimpse of her before she ran off towards their makeshift ER.
Fitz followed and found a chair outside the ER door. He began mentally fine-tuning his speech, determined to wait no matter how long it took.
During the next hour, the remaining SHIELD agents who'd gone to the naval carrier returned. Many of them came by to ask about Coulson's condition, then stayed to hear an update for themselves.
Around midnight, Jemma came through the ER door to tell everyone Coulson was officially stable. She said, "We've stopped the bleeding and, so far, there's no additional indications of the transformation. We'll need to monitor him, of course, but he'll be up and moving about soon."
A number of side conversations spurred from this announcement, but all the hum revealed to be a consensus that it was time to go home and let Coulson rest. May claimed the seat next to Coulson's cot so she could be with him through the night, and Mac took the chair outside the ER door for extra protection. Before they knew it, Jemma and Fitz were the last two agents in the hall, and Mac was telling them both to go to bed.
Jemma gawked for a second then, silently thinking about the other implications of what Mac was saying, but quickly realized she was inadvertently sucking all the air out the room, so she rushed to say goodnight.
She was ready to run off when Fitz suggested they walk together. They were going to the same place, after all. And, with Mac sitting right there, she really couldn't say no. So she gave a quick nod and the two scientists turned down the corridor together.
The dorms were located on the opposite side of the base. It was a few hundred yards, if that, but tonight it felt like miles. The tension from this morning must have amplified after spending all day not speaking to one another. Fitz considered breaking the ice, perhaps using some of the material he'd prepared for his speech, but he wanted to wait until they were in a more private spot. Considering SHIELD was a place of secrets, everyone who worked here was really nosy.
Jemma seemed to want out of this situation as fast as possible. She was walking faster than normal, moving with real purpose. She reached for her doorknob before she was even close enough to grab hold, and frantically said, "Well, goodnight, Fitz," clearly hoping that would be the end of it.
But Fitz had other plans. He was desperate to remedy the discomfort between them, and that meant keeping her from leaving first.
He grabbed her hand just as she had that morning, then patiently waited until he had her full attention. "I'm sorry about earlier," he said quietly. "I shouldn't have left like that."
She sighed and tightened her grip in his hand. She rubbed her thumb across the back of his knuckles, and, in some way, he knew all was forgiven. "I shouldn't have pushed the matter when I did," she said. "The timing was really bad."
"Yea, well, we haven't had a lot of free time since we joined SHIELD." He laughed awkwardly. "I guess you have to take moments can get them. But I…I do want to talk about it. About what I said, and about what you said. I just want to talk about us, in general. You know. When you're ready, of course."
"Of course," Jemma smiled.
Fitz was so kind and patient, even when she felt undeserving. It was one of the things she loved about him. Jemma wanted to tell him that. That and so much more.
She debated if now would be the right moment to start that conversation. They'd been through so much today, and she was sure Fitz was just as exhausted as she was right now. Maybe tomorrow would be better? But then again, thinking about how crazy, unpredictable their lives were every day, waiting seemed silly.
Her decision made, she took a step forward, leaving no more than a few inches between herself and Fitz.
He gave her a surprised look, then tentatively leaned down as she leaned up.
Lips met for the first time, slowly, then deeply.
Fitz pulled back a fraction of an inch, and Jemma knew he was about to say something potentially very important, something she would prefer to keep private. "Not here," she whispered before he had a chance to speak. She then immediately whipped around to face her door, key in hand. She had the deadbolt unlocked and both of them inside far faster than he ever thought possible.
"Jemma," he whispered her name when the door was securely shut. They stood slightly apart, staring at one another. "I need to tell you…"
"I know…" she cut him off suddenly by closing the distance between them once more.
Lips against lips; breath against breath. Finally, they had an understanding.
Jemma wrapped her arms around his neck, and Fitz put his arms around her waist. He would have been happy just to stand there and kiss her the rest of the night, but Jemma needed more. She pawed at his shirt, letting her hands wander, but soon, that wasn't enough either.
She yanked his shirt up, over his head and threw it across the floor. Her lips went back to his immediately, but only long enough to find the hem of her own shirt.
Fitz didn't have to be a genius to figure out where this was going.
"Are you sure?" he asked when they broke apart the second time. "I don't have any…protection…"
"I do." Jemma smiled and kissed again. She coyly pulled his belt off and dropped it on the floor.
"You do?!" Fitz asked incredulously, completely ignoring the fact his pants now hung loose around his hips.
Determined not to let his outburst ruin the moment, she gave him another quick kiss and took a step back so that she stood between him and the side of her bed. "Mmhmm," she replied sweetly. She then removed her own belt and shimmied out of her pants, standing before him in nothing but her bra and panties. "I am a doctor, after all."
Fitz smirked and shook his head. She was teasing him, and he knew it. What's more, he didn't care. Nor did he really care where Jemma got the damn condoms. When it came down to brass tax, he trusted her, and he loved her, and he wanted her. That was all that really mattered.
He stepped closer, hand extended, so he could stand beside her once more, as equals. Jemma welcomed him with open arms, and, before he realized, they were lying down together, kissing and exploring, learning about each other in ways they never had before.
Fitz fumbled a bit when it came time to use his fine motors skills. The condition of his hand had improved, but they were not yet healed. Jemma would not to let this get between them, though. Not now. Not after everything they'd home through to get to here. She reached out to help, covering his hand with her own, pushing in all the right places.
Soon, their last few articles of clothing were being ripped off and they were melting into one another seamlessly.
They were clumsy at first, just as they were in all things. But they found their way.
When they were spent, the young lovers laid in bed, staring silently into each other's eyes. They held one another until the need for sleep won over, and they woke in the morning still tangled.
They joked about breakfast and how tired they still were after everything, but that wasn't what Fitz really wanted to talk about. There was something he'd rehearsed the day before. Something he needed to say.
"Jemma," he said, capturing her full attention.
"Fitz?"
"I love you."
"I love you, too."
Thanks for the read! Reviews are always welcome. And just to show you how much Chasing Cars has influenced my life in the last little while, here's an excerpt of my favorite lyrics from the song.
We'll do it all, everything, on our own
We don't need, anything, or anyone
I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel
Those three words, are said too much, they're not enough
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told, before we get too old, show me a garden that's bursting into life
Let's waste time, chasing cars, around our heads
I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own
If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?
