Fallon Carrington had it all.
The money to do whatever she wanted thanks to her father's brains, lucky streak and hard work, meant that Fallon had always had anything she wanted whenever she wanted it. A new pony for competing - it was there before she even had to work up some fake tears; a new car because the Ferrari Daddy had gotten her just six months ago for her birthday was so last year…
Popularity… Well what girl who could throw lavish parties and hire whatever band she wanted wouldn't be popular?
She was smart, book smart enough that school and college were something of a breeze and Fallon made sure to do enough to coast along, enough to keep her out of trouble and retain the mantle of Daddy's favourite princess. Yet since she never needed to work what was the point in actually working to reach her real potential? She already had everything she needed to get ahead.
Money, popularity, enough wit to make her fun company oh and yeah she was beautiful too…
Not that Fallon really liked to focus much on her looks, sure she enjoyed being attractive, she enjoyed the attention and the power that it gave her over other people but she didn't like thinking about where that beauty came from.
Unlike being proud of flashing her father's cash, he had earned it for her after all; at least that was what Blake Carrington had always said whenever he had a business engagement that had taken him out of town and missing something…a birthday…one of her show jumping competitions.
"I am doing this for you and Steven Fallon, I have to work this hard to make sure you have the future you deserve."
How many times had Blake pulled her younger self on to his knee and explained it in the same tired weary tone that he was going away again, another long business trip that meant he couldn't be there for her or her brother. Yet Fallon knew her Daddy loved her more than anything, why else would he work so hard? Of course it hurt that he wasn't around all the time when they were little but back then they had had…
Taking a deep sip of the champagne Fallon glared down at the glittering city that lay sprawled out before them a frown warping her lovely face. Even Paris at night couldn't lighten her mood whenever a mention of that woman came up. That was the real reason she was out on the balcony drinking alone whilst her friends partied inside oblivious, or maybe they weren't oblivious but maybe just maybe they really didn't give a damn.
Sometimes it was difficult to tell whether her college friends were really her friends at all. Did they actually like her or was it more that they liked what her money and her name could accomplish, like getting them into this damn party in the first place. Even Fallon had considered it quite the coup; after all it was fashion week and there were plenty of socialites with plenty of money floating about. Fallon wondered how many of them would be able to pull off gate crashing the Chanel after party?
It had been fun, a hoot, another night that would live on and be embellished beyond recognition and there quite a few hot men about, most of them were probably gay but they were still hot, it had been great until…
"Carrington…My of course how could I have been so blind you look so like her, beauty clearly runs in the family."
Alexis Carrington, the one name her friends and people in Colorado knew not to mention around anyone named Carrington. The shame and scornful secret that Fallon had kept hidden, the woman she had inherited those fine looks from. The one person Fallon couldn't stand to be compared to, the woman that she had tried so hard to forget since she was nine years old and her beautiful mother had left them behind like unwanted garbage.
Choking back some hysterical laughter as she wiped the angry tears away Fallon couldn't believe the irony. All her life she had grown up under the choking shadow of her mother's abandonment, never even thinking the name Alexis Carrington even though she grew up in a house where every room screamed out her mother's eye and taste. Then on her first day over in Europe on her grand tour, somewhere that should have been free of any association with that damn woman, she runs smack bang into her mother's god damned fan club.
"You know it must be a some sort of a crime for such a beautiful girl to be standing out here alone?" A crisp European accent insisted from the shadows and Fallon gasped her throat constricting with panic as she whirled round.
"Who are you? How long have you been standing there?" Fallon demanded her eyes narrowing as a handsome man stepped into the light, his blue eyes moving appraisingly over her as if she were some sort of prize antique he was assessing for value.
Then smiling in what was a charming fashion Mr Smooth offered her his hand and added in that bizarre lilting accent of his that spoke of Switzerland, and Paris and a deep tan that probably came from St Tropez and too many other places, taking Fallon's hand he lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "My name is Peter De Vilbis and I have been standing here long enough…"
"Long enough for what?" Fallon demanded pulling her hand free quickly yet the champagne left her feeling a little sluggish.
"Long enough to know that here is a beautiful girl who needs my help to make her smile again." Peter added smugly before offering Fallon his hand again. "Trust me…"
There were many many times when Fallon wished she could go back in time…
Sometimes she dreamed she could go back and fix that mistake she made in her junior show jumping class, or on that damn test that meant she almost flunked senior chemistry and for the first and only time ever her father had been brought in to 'talk' to her home room teacher. Perhaps if she had actually bothered to study rather than skipping revision to hang out in the back seat of Bobby Martins brand new Mercedes and experiment a little, then she wouldn't have ever had to seen the look of disappointment that flashed across her father's face.
That look had haunted her; it was the same hollow look that had dogged her father's face in the first few weeks after she had left. Fallon had sworn then that she would never ever be the cause of that look on her father's face again.
Yet if he could see her now…
Right now Fallon wished with all her might, with everything that she had inside her that somehow she could go back in time, back to that night on a Paris balcony, and not accept Peter De Vilbis's offer.
He had made her smile at first, with his heady lifestyle. Only the best for Peter and therefore by association only the best for Fallon by his side and for the first time Fallon had experienced what it must feel like for people who were friends with her. That sudden rush of excitement and adrenaline as she fell in with his wild nomadic lifestyle, days spent on private yachts or travelling to the most beautiful places in the world. Nights spent partying with the worlds beautiful people, gambling in Monte Carlo, dancing the night away in Soho before falling into bed with Peter in the penthouse suite in whichever one of his hotel they happened to be staying in.
Peter never seemed to lack energy or enthusiasm, he did everything with zeal or he didn't touch it with a barge pole and it was exhausting even to watch. Of course Fallon had wondered what his secret was, and one day she asked him how even after a ten hour flight he could find the energy to stay out all night at a party. That was when Peter had introduced her to his best-kept secret, his little chemical pick me up that was how he had phrased it. It wasn't a big deal, every body took something, and for him it was cocaine.
What made it worse looking back was that he hadn't even pressured her into trying it. He simply offered her a line one day when she was feeling a little tired and like a fool she had accepted. Now it seemed like she couldn't even get out of bed without a little help, just something to take the edge off.
No it was a good thing that Blake Carrington couldn't see his little princess now…
Choking back the disgust and the nausea that threatened to overwhelm her Fallon picked her way through the darkened hotel suite making her way to the bathroom without needing to put the lights on. Once there she flicked the switch and the powerful florescent light kicked in lighting up the sumptuous suite yet it was the image staring back in the mirror that caught and held Fallon's attention.
The person that stared back at her, the desperately thin girl with huge bags that sat under her eyes, the one with mascara smeared half way down her face and the tell tale hint of white powder that was smudged under her nose. That girl no longer looked like Alexis Carrington. Finally it seemed too many nights and too many drugs had succeeded where nothing else could, there was no longer any lingering resemblance to the English beauty who had taken Colorado society by storm.
She was cold.
There was a draft from the open balcony window that seemed to cut through the whole suite and since she was naked and too thin it made her shake and shiver.
She needed to get out of here…She needed to stop.
Yet she was so tired and cold and Peter was warm, his bed was warm and he needed her. For the first time someone needed her, someone couldn't bear it if she left and Fallon had had enough people she loved walk away from her that she couldn't stand there and do the same. It wasn't a perfect love but it was love and there were so few people that said they loved her and meant it.
No she couldn't leave and yet she couldn't stay either…
Is this what it feels like to fly?
The night's air felt refreshing on her face, and Fallon couldn't help a little giggle as she leant over the edge and tossed her elegant feathered mask from the courtyard balcony; watching as it drifted down to land in the indoor pond full of ghost carp whose silvery scales seemed to glint and shimmer reflecting the light from the floating lily shaped candles.
Tonight they were in Venice for the carnival at some palazzo owned by some rich middle eastern tycoon, Fallon couldn't remember who, not that it mattered these days all these parties seemed to merge into one. Faces and names meant nothing, not really. Days lost their pattern, lost their meaning; there was little point in anything anymore ever since…
"Get rid of it, I don't care how, I'll have them book you an appointment but we are not keeping it."
There had been no discussion; there had been no room in Peter's eyes for negotiation only cold determination. Not that Fallon had even tried to argue about keeping it, after all how could they raise a child, how could she be a mother when she had barely had a mother herself?
The doctor in the Swiss clinic had been cool and professional, the nurses polite but distant, it had only taken an afternoon and it had all been over. Well physically it was over, the tiny problem had been taken care of and Peter had taken her to his family's villa in Acapulco to allow her time to recuperate. Now a month later they were back on the party scene as if nothing had happened, people she had a nodding acquaintance with commented on her fabulous tan and asked her if she had had a nice holiday.
On the outside Fallon smiled and laughed and partied and on the inside part of her was dying, a slow lingering death. So she tried to speed it along by drinking and snorting some coke and then when some random Italian offered her something else to make the party really spin she had accepted the little tablet, after all what was the worse that could really happen, her heart was already broken. Then the room had seemed to close in a little too much and she had wanted some air, she had tried to find Peter but he had gone missing. Of course when she did eventually find him Fallon wished she hadn't bothered, not that he had noticed her being far too busy banging some Swedish blonde over the pool table.
It seems even Peter moved on eventually…
So much for I love you…So much for don't ever leave, I'll kill us both if you ever try to leave me.
But right now even that threat sounded like a blessed relief, it would save Fallon the task, even if she was far too much of a coward to actually try and kill herself. Eventually the drink and drugs would do that but it might have saved her father that embarrassment. His perfect princess, the little girl he would brag about, the secret disappointment, the child who was too much her mother's daughter after all.
"Fallon I have heard some disturbing reports of your behaviour, you and this Mr De Vilbis. You are bringing our name into disrepute, do you know how embarrassing it was for me, to walk into a charity fundraiser and overhear the Seymour's spreading such slanderous gossip about my little girl. Now I want you to break things off with this young man and come home immediately before you bring my good name into any more scandal."
Blake Carrington her father…her hero…Worried not for her but for his good name…HIS EMBARRASSMENT.
She was just like her a failure, unable to measure up to Blake Carrington's expectations.
Which was how she ended up up here. The party was going on out the back on the terrace but Fallon couldn't stand all the people so she had wandered aimlessly through the Palazzo until she had found this perfect little courtyard with his mosaic tiles and Moorish style. The air was so wonderfully cool here with the long pond and the tinkling fountain and Fallon could breathe here.
So she climbed the staircase and enjoyed the soft breeze that blew in as she leant over the balcony staring down at the shimmering water.
Laughing even though there was nothing to laugh about. Watching as the girl who was her distorted reflection in the water laughed back and waved and smiled. That Fallon seemed happy, that Fallon wasn't a failure. Leaning over Fallon reached out her fingers to the other girl, tears stinging her eyes as the other Fallon seemed to reach for her as well.
Is this what it feels like to fly?
Fallon wondered as the other version of her opened up her arms and called out her name and as blessed blackness took her into its warm embrace and held her lovingly Fallon decided that no this is what peace feels like.
