Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura
Shifting Winds
By Loli shota
In the garden of the Daidouji residence, the wind was blowing in trees, carrying the scent of April. Above, pushed by the wind, branches swung in harmony with the wedding march being played by the organ below.
Under the flowering cherry blossom trees, it was Sakura's wedding.
In the audience, you could recognize old friends: Chiharu, Yamazaki, Naoko, Rika… In the front rows you could see family members, all in tears: Tomoyo, Sonomi, Fujitaka, Touya, Yukito and even Nadeshiko, though her presence remained unknown by most, but the center of attention was in front, under an arch of white roses, where stood a gorgeous bride and her groom. The bride's long brown hair danced in the wind like a nymph's and her green eyes sparkled like emeralds. As she held the groom's hands one could tell she was truly and simply happy.
In the shade of a nearby tree, a man leaned, looking at the scene with a look of such misery, one would wonder if it was truly a happy day. The man wore messy chestnut hair and amber eyes. Li Syaoran sighed and turned around to leave. He was gloomily staring at the grass at his feet when his eyes shot up at the sight of someone behind him.
"Hiiragizawa." Syaoran gasped as Eriol chuckled.
"Didn't mean to startle you, Syaoran." Syaoran took a small step back, visibly uneasy. Eriol quickly added, waving his hand in the air, "It's ok, I know you do not wish for your presence to be known. I will not tell her you came."
Syaoran sighed once more. He looked back at Sakura, even though it was painful. She truly looked beautiful.
"She looks happy." Syaoran muttered, he couldn't tear his eyes from her.
"She is."
"Who's the groom?"
"Satoshi Ito. They met in College, dated for 4 years. He's a rather weak sorcerer, but a good man, I believe. Well, he would have to be or surely Touya would not have let him wed his sister." Eriol had a short laugh, "He will take good care of her, that you can be sure of."
"I don't doubt it… I mean, he'll literally have the entire town on his back if he doesn't."
Syaoran and Eriol stood in the shade of the tree, simply staring at the bride. At a distance, you could see the couple exchanging vows. Even from so far off, it was like Syaoran could hear the priest ever so clearly. He held his breath.
"Sakura, will you take Satoshi to be your husband, your partner in life and your one true love? Will you cherish his friendship and love him today, tomorrow and forever? Will you trust and honour him, laugh with him and cry with him? Will you be faithful through good times and bad, in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?" asked the priest, ceremoniously. Sakura's eyes gleamed.
"I will." She replied without hesitation.
As the couple leaned into a kiss, Syaoran swirled around, eyes shut tight. Eriol eyed him calmly, wearing his usual grin.
"This was a mistake, I shouldn't have come." Syaoran said as he walked past Eriol at a fast pace and headed for the exit of the garden. Eriol remained a minute to watch the couple kiss, the people applaud and in the finality of things, he turned around following Syaoran's tracks.
When Eriol caught up to Syaoran, they were already far from the Daidouji residence. The two men walked side by side in silence for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry… It surprised me… Even though it's her wedding… Even though I know she's getting married…" Syaoran finally said.
"It's fine, I understand." Eriol grinned, looking up into the sky.
"It's not fine! It was supposed to be me." Syaoran stopped dead in his tracks, staring weeds pushing through cracks of the pavement.
"Hm?" Eriol stared questioningly.
"It was supposed to be me. The one who was supposed to be her partner in life, her one true love… Is me! He doesn't deserve her… He can't possibly love her like I do or as much as I do… I just can't believe she's married… I just can't believe she's married and she invited me to her wedding." somehow, Syaoran suddenly felt angry, his hands tightened into a fist. "How could she tell me so casually, like nothing ever happened between us? Sending me a letter in the mail like we were nothing—What the hell?! Didn't she promise me she would wait, didn't she promise always wait for me?" Syaoran's fists trembled a little and his knuckles were turning white. "Sakura, damn it! How could you say 'I will' so easily? How could you marry some random guy, when I was always working so hard to come back to you? How could you just throw us away?! How could you?!" Syaoran stopped shouting, panting and out of breath. "Didn't it mean anything to you?..."
Tears stung the back of his eyes. Too proud to show weakness in front of Eriol, he turned around and tried to wipe the tears away with his sleeve, but they seemed to flow like water. Eriol took a step towards Syaoran.
"Back off." Syaoran barked. His voice cracked, but he was trying his best to regain his composure. Eriol smirked.
"It's ok. You don't have to be tough all the time. You are entitled to your fair share of humanity and I am in no place to judge you." Eriol said softly walking towards Syaoran. Eriol placed his hand on the other man's shoulder. Syaoran first shrugged the hand off, choking a sob, but finally let it go. Eriol turned Syaoran to face him, holding him by the shoulders and searched for his eyes, but Syaoran kept his head down. Eriol's slender finger caught Syaoran's chin and pushed the younger man's face up.
As Eriol stared at Syaoran's face, he felt his heart skip a beat. Their faces were so close he could almost feel the heat of Syaoran's breath. Something about the other man's tear streaked face, stirred emotions inside him. Emotions he had almost forgotten... Suddenly, Eriol became aware of how full, pink and inviting Syaoran's lips seemed. He could just lean in… And…But he shook the thought away.
"Come now, big boys don't cry." Eriol said humorously. Syaoran suddenly looked up, tearful eyes shooting daggers.
"Shut up." Syaoran shoved Eriol away and stomped off, violently rubbing his face.
Eriol and Syaoran entered a deserted penguin park.
"You really loved her didn't you?" Eriol asked. Syaoran stopped walking.
"I don't need your pity."
"You call it pity, I call it concern… I know you, Syaoran. You may act strong, you may be shy and awkward and seem sometimes brutal or hurtful, you may be sinfully stubborn and obstinate, but you have the heart at the right place. When you care for someone, you do it with all your heart." saying that, Eriol looked at him, but seemed to see right through him. The brunet looked back slightly startled, who knew Eriol knew him so well?
"…"
"What I mean to say is: if you love her enough, and I know you do, you will love her enough to let her go."
Syaoran paused and then resumed walking like nothing had been said.
They walked across the park, Syaoran walking in front with Eriol strolling not far behind.
Eriol held a hand to his chest. He could feel his heart pounding hard against his ribcage and was wondering how it was that Syaoran could not hear it. He closed his eyes and inhale deeply to soothe his racing heart, but when he reopened his eyes, it was to his surprise that Syaoran had stopped in his tracks and was staring at him wearing a light frown and a questioning look in his eyes. Eriol paused, eyes wide and grin-less. His heart skipped a few beats, but Eriol was quick to recover.
His calm features returned, telling nothing of the inner panic settling in his stomach.
"Is something the matter?" he asked almost too innocently. Syaoran paused a moment.
"No..." Syaoran said, uncertain and still eyeing Eriol suspiciously.
"Hot flash." Eriol replied waving his hand idly, quickly walking ahead and past Syaoran. His haste to dismiss the topic and to flee Syaoran's inquisitive eye led him to the small bridge in the park. Eriol stopped in the middle of the bridge and exhaled deeply, as though releasing the intake from 3 minutes ago.
Syaoran soon joined Eriol on the bridge. The two men stood above the water, just staring ahead, for a very long time. Syaoran was crouched, elbows leaning on the ramp and Eriol stared at him from the corner of his eye. The younger man was lost, deep in his thoughts, always looking so sad, like he was about to cry. Eriol felt his heart tighten. He couldn't bear seeing Syaoran so miserable.
"Will you be ok?" Eriol asked, but Syaoran never answered. "Nee, Syaoran?" Eriol was still looking at Syaoran from the corner of his eye.
"What?" Syaoran replied absent-mindedly, without tearing his eyes from the scenery.
"Can I invite you for a cup of tea?"
"No." Syaoran snapped, annoyed.
"Ah, too bad then…" Eriol looked ahead.
"I'm not really in the mood right now." Syaoran finally added, feeling guilty for his brusque answer.
Eriol smiled, "Tomorrow then?"
"…"
"Syaoran?"
"What?"
"Tomorrow then?"
"Fine." Syaoran answered half-heartedly. Eriol's smiled widen a little and Syaoran wondered why.
The two men stayed on the bridge long enough to see the sun set.
At the wedding reception, Sakura and her groom were cutting the first slice of wedding cake. Everybody laughed warmly when Sakura accidentally got a bit of cream on her nose. Tomorrow, the couple would head for Hawaii, for their honeymoon…
--/--/--/--/--/--
Early rays of sunshine pierced through the white curtains of Syaoran's apartment. In his bedroom, Syaoran squinted awake, as sunlight hit him directly in the face. He glared at the window and tossed his bed sheets over his head. He laid there a moment, just staring at the darkness like he had for most of the night. Somehow, his thoughts always drifted to Sakura. He just couldn't help it. Finally, despite the fact that he had had little to no sleep, Syaoran threw off the covers and stepped out of bed.
He proceeded to his morning routine: martial art exercises, shower and breakfast. It was when Syaoran was just stepping out of the shower that the phone rang. Syaoran ran from the bathroom to the phone in the hall, hair dripping wet and a towel still wrapped around his waist.
"—Hello?"
"Syaoran?" Eriol's voice rang in the receiver.
"Oh, it's you. What is it?" Syaoran walked to room.
"Western or japanese?" Eriol suddenly asked.
"What?" Syaoran raised a brow, taking clothes out from his closet.
"Restaurants. Would you rather have western or Japanese cuisine? See I was thinking about the cup of tea you promised me and I finally came to the conclusion that a day out in Tomoeda would be far more pleasant."
"…" Syaoran blinked.
"So? Western or Japanese?"
"Neither! Look Hiiragizawa, don't mean to be rude or anything, I mean, I appreciate you listening to me yesterday and everything but I think I really just want to be… By myself today." Syaoran threw a pair of pants and a shirt on his bed.
"Nonsense, meet me at the penguin park at noon. I will be waiting."
"What? No! Wai—Hello? Hello??" Syaoran yelled in the receiver, but Eriol had already hung up. With a sigh, Syaoran threw the phone on the bed and started getting dressed.
A quarter before noon, Syaoran stood in his entrance, ready to leave. He took his coat off the coat rack and was shuffling through his keys for his door key when something across the living caught his eye. Syaoran froze as he noticed the framed picture resting on his coffee table.
In the picture two kids, a boy with chestnut hair and a girl with emerald eyes, held hands, face flushed and smiling widely. Syaoran sped across the living room and slammed the frame down, breaking the glass. For a long time, he remained still, staring at the back of the frame. Finally, he looked at his watch and seeing it was almost noon, cursed and headed out without looking back…
When Syaoran arrived at the meeting point, Eriol was already there. He sat on a bench, legs crossed, calmly reading a book.
"Sorry… I got caught up by something…" Syaoran panted. He had run the entire way. Eriol looked up and smiled.
"You came." Eriol's voice sounded pleasantly surprised and had Syaoran frowning.
"Well yeah, how can you tell me 'I will be waiting' and expect me not to show up? That was really rude by the way—" Syaoran was cut off by Eriol's sudden fit laughter. "What? What is it? Why are you laughing?"
"You came simply because I said 'I will be waiting'? " Eriol's face was slightly flushed from laughing.
"Well… Yeah…" Syaoran stared at the man in front of him like he saw him for the first time. Syaoran couldn't remember the last time he heard Eriol laugh like that and yet Eriol's laugh was so honest, so carefree, it was actually… Kind of cute. Syaoran blushed at the thought, that laugh made something grow warm inside of him.
Eriol slowly regained his composure and stood up. He walked towards Syaoran and cupped Syaoran's cheek in one hand. Syaoran's eye widened a little.
"It's kind of sweet." Slightly tilting his head to the side, Eriol smiled warmly at Syaoran, whose face instantly took a deep red color. The two men stayed in that position a moment. "Well, shall we get going?" Eriol finally added, releasing Syaoran's cheek. As Eriol started ahead, Syaoran stayed behind, silently wondering why he hadn't slapped Eriol's hand away.
He finally jogged towards Eriol and nervously coughed a few times before speaking.
"Er… And where are you taking me exactly?"
"To lunch. Then, shopping for presents for Suppi and Nakuru." Eriol replied simply. Syaoran groaned.
"Hey, where are those two anyway?" Syaoran suddenly wondered.
"They stayed in England with Kaho."
"Mizuki-sensei? So, you two are still…?"
"A couple? Hmm, no. Kaho and I broke it off a long time ago. Despite what it may seem, we actually have quite incompatible personalities. We spent our entire relationship grating at each others nerves. Quite frankly, I think we were both relieved when it ended." Eriol chuckled. "Ah, we're here."
Syaoran and Eriol stopped in front of a shabby looking wooden shack. Syaoran stared at the place, mouth gaping.
"This is where you're taking me to eat?!" He asked bewildered.
"Huh uh." Eriol replied with confidence.
"You're joking, right? That—" pointing at the shack, "is hardly a restaurant." Syaoran exclaimed, incredulous.
"Oh, but it is." Eriol laughed, "Care to step in?"
Syaoran hesitated a moment, but finally pushed the wooden door open and entered the shack. Much to Syaoran's surprise, the place looked infinitely bigger inside than it did from the outside. The restaurant was decorated like an old renaissance castle and was buzzing with activity. The lights were dim and at the tables, tablecloths were gold and burgundy. There were no windows, but an awful lot of sorcerers and couples.
A waiter greeted them at the entrance.
"Welcome to the Impressionists', a table for two?" He smiled.
"Yes, thank you." Eriol answered because Syaoran was still too stunned to answer.
The waiter seated them and handed them their menus, which looked more like high school physics manuals judging by their thickness.
"What is this place?" Syaoran whispered to Eriol, still looking around.
"A sorcerer based restaurant. They use magic to conceal the place under the illusion of a wooden shack to deter humans from entering." Eriol smiled, lifting his eyes from the thick menu.
"What? But I didn't even feel magic at work from the outside. How can sorcerers tell there's even something here? And what the hell? Why are their menus so thick?" Syaoran exclaimed, visibly scattered. Eriol laughed at Syaoran's confusion.
"Most sorcerers don't feel the illusion. You kind of have to know the place. The menus are so thick because this restaurant serves anything from anywhere. Since you couldn't decide on what to eat, I figured you might need more options." Eriol turned a page of the menu.
"More options? Ok, but this is ridiculous." Syaoran replied browsing through the menu.
"Yes, I suggest you select a country and region or this could take all day." Eriol laughed.
The waiter returned when Syaoran and Eriol were ready to order. Syaoran finally settled for a Filipino dish while Eriol had French. The waiter picked up the giant menus.
"You guys make a great couple." He said suddenly, with a smile. Syaoran's eyes widened and he blushed, crimson red.
"We're not…He's…I d-don't…" he stammered, embarrassed.
"Thank you." Eriol finally answered, simply. Syaoran stared at him, staggered. The waiter smiled, taking a last look at the 'couple' before leaving.
After the meal, the two men headed for Tomoeda's shopping district. Eriol and Syaoran did a couple of jewellery and fashion stores before entering Maki-san old gift shop, Twin Bells. Syaoran silently browsed around, feeling somewhat nostalgic.
"What do you think of this one? For Nakuru?" Eriol asked from behind him. Syaoran turned around to see Eriol holding an immense Domo-kun plushie.
Syaoran laughed at the sight of Eriol struggling to keep hold of the huge NHK mascot.
"Are you sure it can fit in your luggage?" Still holding his plush toy, Eriol simply stared at Syaoran.
"What?" Syaoran finally asked.
"Nothing. It is just that, you laughed, I'm glad." Eriol's smile widened as Syaoran blushed. The two men stood staring at each other.
"Ah. Well, you are absolutely right. This toy definitely does not fit in my luggage. I should probably go choose another one. I think I saw a smaller version near the key chains." Eriol said walking towards the front of the shop.
"Yeah, I'll…huh… Wait for you outside." Syaoran stuttered.
As Syaoran was stepping out of the store, outside, a hand reached for the doorknob. Syaoran pushed the door open and the person fell back with a strident cry. Syaoran raised his eyes to see Sakura, being held in tight embrace by her husband. He stiffened.
"You nearly got hit by a door. Again. You really should be careful." The husband laughed.
"Hoe? I don't know why this keeps happening!" Sakura said, pouting, but when she noticed the man standing in the doorway, her smile faded.
"Syaoran…-kun?" Sakura looked like she had seen a ghost.
Syaoran was still frozen stiff in the doorway. He suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotions, like he was going to burst. All the things he had wanted to tell Sakura were rushing to his mind. Twisting… Turning… Speeding and meddling in his head in utter chaos, but Syaoran was at loss for words. As Syaoran stared at Sakura, so happy in her husbands arms, all the anger, the resentment and the regret now seemed vain, meaningless. It was like, she almost seemed to fit. Syaoran gritted his teeth.
"Congratulations on your wedding. Best wishes to you and your husband." Syaoran bowed before quickly walking away, carefully avoiding making eye contact.
"Syaoran-kun. Syaoran!" Sakura called after him, but he never even looked back.
Eriol walked out of the store holding a small package. He saw Sakura and, guessing what must have happened, ran after Syaoran.
"Take good care of him." Sakura whispered as Eriol brushed past her.
It was already late in the afternoon and outside the sun would soon be setting. After a turbulent day, Syaoran and Eriol sat in the garden of Clow's manor, sipping tea. Syaoran was silent and his hands were resting on his laps. He stared into the cup of tea he had hardly touched. Eriol sighed.
"Aaah, and there I was, praising myself for succeeding in, ever so skilfully, distracting you from your worries all day." He mocked despair. Syaoran looked up.
"Is that what this was all about?"
"Well it worked didn't it?" Eriol smiled mischievously behind his cup of tea. Syaoran blinked at the realization.
"… Thank you… For your concern." Syaoran spoke hesitantly.
Eriol's heart skipped a beat. Don't say something so cute or I might not be able to control myself, Syaoran. He sipped his tea like nothing had happened.
Eriol wondered why he couldn't simply confess his feelings for the Chinese man. God knows if this was the perfect opportunity to do so. Eriol knew he had fallen for his descendant over the years. He wasn't sure exactly when or how it happened, but he just… had. At first, he had taken this for a simple infatuation, a brief crush, but his feelings seemed to intensify over time. For Syaoran's sake, Eriol was determined to keep his feelings well hidden, but impulsions were becoming stronger and it was harder and harder to resist caving in and violently molesting the other man.
"Don't thank me. I had my own selfish reasons for helping you." Eriol laid down his cup. Syaoran sent him a questioning look.
"What do you mean?" Eriol didn't reply but smiled faintly at his cup. Syaoran noticed his smile was different than usual, it seemed a little sad.
"Eriol?" Syaoran insisted.
Eriol looked up. Through those eyes, for the first time, Syaoran found a window to Eriol's mind. Syaoran could see an internal conflict tearing Eriol apart. A second he wondered why…
And then he just knew.
Eriol loved him.
It all came to him in a flash, everything became clear: the hot flashes, the kindness, the warmth and even the sadness… and now he was unsure what to do. He picked his cup then laid it down, drummed his fingers on the table frenetically, massaged the back of his neck nervously. Eriol lowered his gaze.
"Since when?" Syaoran asked softly.
"Too long."
"I understand…I…I'm sorry…Right now… I… I can't… Return your feelings." Syaoran looked up. Eriol stared into his cup and smile sadly.
"Yes… I guess it can't be helped. I didn't exactly… Expect anything really."
"Eriol—"
"Maa, it's getting chilly don't you think? We should head back inside." Eriol got up and, carrying his cup, headed towards the house leaving Syaoran to stare at his retreating back. Before getting up, Syaoran stared long at the sunset.
He left for Hong Kong early the next day, without warning.
--\--\--\--\--
A few years had passed since Sakura's wedding. That afternoon, the skies over London, England, were clear. Eriol was out taking a walk, taking in sunlight before it disappeared trplaced by clouds and rain.
24 years old Eriol stared into the sky in daydream. It was truly a gorgeous day.
Ahead, a man was walked towards him and stopped at a certain distance. Eriol's eyes widened when he saw who he had stumbled into.
"Syaoran…? What are you—"Eriol said, so softly it was barely audible. Syaoran stood firm, frowning with determination.
"I came to apologize. For hurting you like I did. Rejecting you and leaving like a coward." Syaoran took a few steps forward, closing the distance. Eriol could only stare.
"At that time, you took me by surprise. I had so many unresolved feelings for Sakura. I didn't think it would be honest of me to accept you feelings carrying such half-hearted sentiments…" Syaoran traced Eriol's jaw with his finger before cupping his cheek. He smiled.
"But now… I am ready to move forward."
And he pulled him into a kiss.
THE END
A/N: YYoooooooshhhhhaaaaaa! Loli Shota no KOmuBAku deshitaaaa! \(o'O'o)/ Yayyy!!
I always wanted to write a oneshot (it's so much less troublesome) and I'm glad I finally got myself to do it! I worked hard on it, but it was really fun! I hope you guys like it! A few difficulties I had writing this fic were that I constantly had to refrain myself from inputting Japanese words. See, I have this strict when-you-write-in-english-you-write-in-english policy. I just usually find it unpleasant when I read a fic where the dialogues are half in English and half in Japanese. So I had to erase many gomen and doushite and nani sore "laugh", but it was for the best (or at least I think, well you guys tell me!). I would also translate things from Japanese like Iie jan into 'it's fine' or shouga nai ne into 'it can't be helped' and things like that. I just kept thinking, what would a Japanese person say in a situation like that.
Also, for a week I didn't know how to end the story. At first, Syaoran was supposed to kiss Eriol at the tea party and spend the night over, but as I began writing, I started finding it very difficult to describe the scene since I had no personal experience to relate to (-°…°-) … Hmmm, embarrassing.
Sore de, minna-san arigatou gozaimashita!
