Needless to say the characters in this fic do not belong to me. Rated M for later chapters I will pre-warn when these are coming. Feedback always welcome :)
Don't teach me how to see through eyes that are not my own for all I will see is darkness.
Don't teach me how to feel as if I were somebody else for all I will feel will be false.
Don't shield me from the darkness for without it I will never find the light.
Don't assume my feelings for they are mine to interpret.
My friend…
Don't teach me how to see through eyes that are not my own … Teach me how to open mine.
(By Loren)
I'm not sure where to begin. It feels like an age when in reality it's only a few years since this began.
I must confess in silence to god I feel like a fraud to myself in pouring my heart out onto a page that can neither empathise or realise my situation as it was then. I have however been informed that to lay ones soul bear can also free it and as ever, I want to believe.
Wednesday 14th June 2001.
I think… to be completely honest I forget the date and year, besides it hardly seems relevant now.
It was a normal day, well as normal as can be expected. The clock was the loudest sound in the room. Its impatient ticking compelling us to speak. However the words would not come. I sat in my chair the only thing inside that office I could truly lay claim to. The one thing that justified my existence there opposite my partner. The wall of two worlds the believers and the sceptics. Its fair to say that in the years we have worked together both worlds have mellowed in their outlook upon the other. A more sincere willingness to believe in the validity of the other. This delicate belief was rooted in a trust that had been nurtured over time, gently tended and left to bask in the warmth of friendship. The strength of these roots were unknowingly about to be tested beyond anything that could claim to belong to this world. The pain of this reader, was excruciating.
Mulder slammed his elbows on his desk and slapped his face into his hands releasing a loud groan as he went. "Scully" he muffled through his fingers. "Hmm" came the reply he expected. Scully sat crossed legged opposite him, body leant towards the right, her two slender fingers of her right hand supporting her skull, eyes shut.
A slow exhale escaped Mulder's nostrils as his hands slid from his face, allowing his finger's to intertwine on the writing pad in front of him. "We need to sort our stories out Scully, or were about to get our asses chewed up and spat out again" Scully's eyes shot open and focused on a now serious Mulder, pen in hand ready to take notes. "Our stories?, Mulder don't you dare pull that crap on me! This latest episode has NOTHING to do with me!" Scully by this point had risen to her feet, arms folded and was nervously pacing the small space around her. "You were there Scully! So now what your gonna do is bail on me and let everyone laugh at the spooky bastard again?" "Woah Woah to begin with when have I EVER bailed on you?" Mulder attempted to interject and was glad he didn't "and SECONDLY I did not partake in that car chase! I DID NOT tell you to jump into our rental and initiate a high speed car chase through the suburbs of Texas in pursuit of a distant relative of Frankenstein!" "Dracula" mumbled Mulder only loud enough for Scully to just hear. Scully paced forward and snatched the stapled document from in front of Mulder, the pages flicked effortlessly and Scully began to read."$56,000 damage to parked vehicles 6 in total, $12,000 compensation to repair fencing and porch's 3 in total, $150 compensation to Mr and Mrs Daley for irreparable damage to one heirloom garden gnome, this list goes on and on and oh yeah … on" the document landed in front of Mulder. "He was.. OK I'll admit it sounds bad…" "BAD?! MUL.." saved by the bell. "Scully" she huffed into the phone. Mulder rose from his seat and collected his suit jacket from the stand. He chanced a glance at Scully, her skirt seemed a little shorter lately revealing higher up her toned legs. Mulder stopped, knowing being caught looking in the mood she was in would be a fate worse than death. That however, he had a feeling he was about to experience anyway. "Yes Sir we'll be right there" She turned towards Mulder and sighed "Lets go G-Man" The pair walked out of the office and stopped in the corridor. Mulder locked the office door and followed Scully's lead towards the elevator. "Hey Scully I thought the condemned man was entitled to a last request" He waggled his eyebrows looking down towards her direction. "Not when she's condemned with you Mulder" He chuckled at her response and she smiled at her feet. The elevator arrived and they entered Scully jabbing the button for 6th floor. "Hey Scully, what's a heirloom gnome anyway?"
"Mulder just don't" she closed her eyes and smiled.
The corridor leading to A.D Skinner's office was quiet, the only noise to be heard was is secretary typing as they approached. Mulder followed Sully into the waiting room and was just about the take a seat. "I wouldn't bother sitting he'll be out soon he's just finishing with the lead accountant". "Yipee" Mulder muffled into Scully's' ear and her eyes rolled in his direction. "Oh Agent Mulder, the Assistant Director has asked me to get you to sign this document before you go through". "What is it?" he enquired. "Just a review of your personal details, emergency contact that sort of thing" The blonde haired secretary smiled upwards and handed Mulder the paperwork. He made short work of checking the document and scribbled his signature along the dotted line. As he leant forward a whisper brushed his ear. "Sometimes I have to screen call to make sure the number is correct. Perhaps I could do yours tonight?" She licked her top lip seductively and Mulder suddenly became very aware that Scully's eyes were boring into the back of his head. "I.. er.. I don't even know your name.." "Jade, Its Jade" she replied quickly leaning slightly forward so Mulder could admire her slowly revealing chest. Scully felt like she was on fire and could hear the blood pounding in her ears. She motioned to step forward towards the situation when A.D Skinner appeared in the doorway. "Agents I apologise for keeping you, come in and take a seat". Skinner eyed the situation unfolding over his secretary's desk "In your own time Agent Mulder, after all its not because of your antics that we're having this meeting". His tone was deeper this time. Mulder motioned up away from the desk and followed Scully through the office door. He placed his hand as always on the small of her back to guide her through… Wait did she just flinch away ? Oh Great! "Bye Agent Mulder" Jade chewed the top of her pen as the door was closed behind them.
The Assistant Director leaned back in his high backed leather chair and surveyed his two agents closely. "So, who's gonnna start?" "Sir…" Scully began but was cut dead. "Not you agent Scully! I'm tired of you covering Mulder's ass out of some miss-guided sense of loyalty towards his personal cause". Mulders eyes darkened towards the Assistant Director. "My explination is detailed fully in my report Sir". "I've read it Agent Mulder. Agent Scully's too!". Skinner sighed and sat forward. "Do you seriously expect me to back this Agent Mulder? I'm having a hard time believing it myself on a number of levels let alone submit this and defend you to a review panel. You two have cost the bureau more in 6 months than any other department in this building and have the least results to show for it". Skinner removed his glasses to massage the bridge of his nose. He replaced them quickly and addressed both of his agents. "The X-Files is being shut down pending further review". "No Sir.." "it's out of my hands Agent Mulder. I'm placing you both on two weeks suspended leave with pay, and you should be thankful I managed to get you that". Scully shifted in her seat and glanced in Mulder's direction. He was crushed. Her heart began to swell for him. Wanting to remove his pain and make everything all right this hope however she knew to be folly. For she knew that he would now retreat to strengthen his armour needing to appear to the world as an unbreakable strength.
"That will be all Agents". The pair rose and started for the door. "Uh Agents use the back door, I don't want Agent Mulder pursuing extra curricular activities on works time" Scully's eyebrows raised towards Mulder who rolled his eyes at her and marched towards the door.
Once in the corridor Mulder turned to Scully. "This is total shit Scully!" he whispered. "This is all aimed at us because were getting closer each time and they can't stand it" Scully moved closer so she was stood directly under his chin. "Mulder maybe we are but you have to admit we crossed a line here, just let Skinner do what he can and then we can work with that" "What the hell am I gonna do with two weeks off Scully I'm gonna go crazy" "Well.." Scully smiled. "There's always those extra curricular activities you could pursue?" Mulder cocked his head down towards Scully and smiled "Come on Scully… I'd rather be probed by an Alien!" The pair burst into laughter. "Oh, come on Scully I'll buy you a beer, we're on holiday after all".
