Everyday and everynight.
Magnus couldn't erase every memory- every touch, every word, every hesitant kiss Alec had given him.
It hurt to be away from him.
He cried and laid around without moving. Eating made him think of Alec's food jokes. Drinking made him think of the boy's resistance to getting drunk. Parties made him think about when they first met. And seeing customers made him recall the times he had lovingly healed Alec, with or without his request.
He cursed his stupidity hourly. How could he have done this? How could he have hurt Alec? Even if it was a lie for the Shadowhunter's sake, he had felt like throwing up and screaming. Alec didn't deserve that.
"Please come back.." He whispered in hushed tones to no one. "You should know enough to tell I didn't mean it.."
His fingers stroked the small picture he had kept with him everyday, against Alec's knowledge after the black haired boy had jokingly given it to him. Funny how something like that was all he had left now. He wondered if the other half- Magnus's face- was still in his wallet where the warlock had snuck it.
All the promises he had made were now meaningless. But saying them to his pillow when he refused to get out of bed made him feel better as if the material could relay them to Alec.
Just call him. His thoughts whispered.
But if he had to hear his voice he knew he wouldn't want to give him up again. He would want to run over there and embrace him in front of everyone- Clary and Isabelle and Alec's stupid parents and that idiot Jace-
The man's heart jolted and jealousy made him knit his brow.
Did Alec run back to him?
He forced out images of the two Shadowhunters-telling himself Jace was with Clary-and sat up angrily. Besides, he didn't want that. He didn't want to beg Alec and feel he was guilting him back into the relationship. He wanted Alec to come to him. Come and tell him he loved him.
Magnus smiled with a sigh.
"Yeah... Not happening."
