You mean everything to me, Ginji. That's why I couldn't let you come. That's why I had to leave you behind.
I was scared – not that I'll ever admit it – that if I had let you come with me, I'd lose you forever.
And that would crush me. I couldn't let it happen.
It would be better if you thought I didn't want you around, that I didn't need you. It would be better if you didn't try to come with me.
At least you would be safe.
At least you would still be alive.
I would do, will do, anything to keep you alive. I realized, sitting in that alley with you unconscious beside me, I can't live without you. I need you with me.
Raitei is not you. He may be your body but he's not your soul. In the alley I didn't know if you would wake up as yourself, my goofy partner, or as that perversion of everything about you that I love.
It terrified me.
When you woke up I knew something was wrong. When we figured out your powers were gone I knew I couldn't let you come with me. If I let you come retrieve Madoka with me I could lose you, and that is something I can never let happen.
I had to leave you behind to keep you safe, to keep me sane.
Your voice as you cried out to me while I walked away broke my heart.
It hurt me more than any wound I've had before, more than I will ever let you know.
But I would repeat my decision again and again if it meant you would be alive and safe.
I love you, Ginji. I can't live without you. I'm just not good at showing it.
And now I look at the billowing cloud of smoke that marks where I know you're dying, and it takes all my control not to abandon Himiko and run to you.
But I can control myself.
I don't want to lose you, don't want to let you go. I can't watch you die. I can't hold you and watch your life slip through my fingers. It would break me.
So I send Thread-spool instead, and I try to focus on what I should be doing, saving someone I can save. But my heart and my mind are under that cloud of smoke with you. Begging you to hold on against all the odds, to stay with me, to keep me sane.
My heart is bursting with happiness and relief as I feel you coming back to life. The GetBackers are still plural, I'm not alone, you're still alive.
I love you Ginji. More than I can ever say, can ever show. I won't leave you alone again. And I will never let you go.
=GB=
Author's Note: Lent just ended and I have reread the entire Eternal Bond arc so far today (it's my favorite). And this popped into my head. So I wrote it down. Give me some feedback, especially about how in-character it is…I just kinda let the words flow through my fingers.
