A/N: I'm still on the beta hunt, so if your interested, hit me up. With that said, I did my best to beta myself so please for give my mistakes. Also, this story does contain drug use and attempted rape scences. So, if your not old enough, or if that stuff bothers you, please dont continue reading. Other then that enjoy.

He had left her, again. Ok so she knew that the first time she had sent him away, and then ran away from him, and her whole life really, but this time it was him. She forced the tears back as she applied her make up, she was NOT going to let him tarnish her good looks. She was going to go out to night , she was going to have fun, and she was going to look good, but she just couldn't stop the tears as they spilled down her cheeks.

I've been thinking... about our future. And the more I do, the more I feel like us — you and me — being together is unfair to you.

Unfair was the pain she was in right now. Unfair was the embarrassment of going to prom stag. Unfair was that she still wanted him with every fiber of her being and just could not stop thinking of him. Smelling him every where she went. Hearing his voice whispering his love to her in her sleep. That was what was unfair. She set her makeup on the chiffonier, grabbing a few tissues she dabbed at her eyes, taking a few deep breaths to steady herself. This whole pretending to be happy thing was a lot harder then she had thought it was going to be.

The Bronze was expectantly jumpy tonight, with just enough darkness to help hide her true feelings and yet still allow her to portray the false smile that she wanted to. Besides, even if her friends could see through it, they wouldn't comment. They knew what had happen and knew she was putting on a brave face for them.

"Buffy, I'm so glad you decided to come out tonight" Willow gave her most cheery and hopeful smile, wanting Buffy to feel happy and welcomed. It had been three months and Buffy still moped around, barely cutting it in their new college classes. She tried to blame it on the courses being to hard, but Willow knew it was because she still missed Angel. Willow had done everything she could think of to help pull Buffy out of this emotional rut she had thrown her self into and refused to even try to get out of, from loading her up with ice cream and chocolate, to even setting her up with hopeful replacements. That's what tonight was suppose to be about. Buffy had seemed slightly interested in this Parker guy, even if Willow had thought he was kind of sketchy, so he had been invited to the weekly Bronzing. Willow just hope that Buffy would speak more then, the what had become customary, four words to the poor guy.

"Hey, Will," the sadness in her voice betrayed to Willow that she had been crying recently.

"How ya hangin'" not the best question Willow had to admit but she had nothing else.

"You know, same old same old. But I'm here ready to be all with the fun having. So you said that you had a surprise for me?"

"Ooh, ooh, yes," this was new, Buffy at least trying to be happy for them, instead of just smiling at the appropriate times. "I brought a boy." Willow stated matter-of-factly with a nod of her head and a wide smile.

Buffy looked confused. "You brought a boy, Wills, you do know you have a boy friend, I don't think that would go over well with Oz."

Willow giggled slightly shaking her head, but inside beaming with happiness, Buffy had made a joke, 'YAY'.

"Not for me silly," she moved to Buffy's side and pointed to where her guy, Xander, and the new potential Buffy guy were at the bar, getting drinks, "For you."

Buffy groaned inwardly. This was like the third guy in as many weeks that Willow had commandeered to see her, and so far it had never ended well. Didn't Willow understand that she just wasn't ready to move on yet. But she was trying on the new and improved Buffy, and if she wasn't mistaken that was the cute older guy Parker she had met previously. He hadn't seemed to bad. Maybe this once she would give him a try.

"Is that that Parker guy?"

"Yes," Willows happiness couldn't be contained. Buffy had finally reacted to a new guy, double 'YAY'

" Yes, yes that is. So what are we thinking. I've seen you checking him out in the quad a few time. So did I pick a good one this time?" her hopeful expression couldn't not be smiled at. Buffy could see how much this meant to Willow so she groped at the few likings she had for this boy and yanked them to the surface, forcing her self to try and like this guy just a little bit more then she actually did, for her friends sake. Well and maybe just a little for her sake.

"I believe were thinking, I could have a few dances with him, and maybe some conversation, granting he can speak," Buffy smile the thought of an actual good time creeping in to her head. Maybe she would only have to pretend a little.

The guys were headed their way now. Xander smiling in a overly jolly fashion, Oz with is never over used, but always used smirk, and Parker with a shy smile for Buffy when their eyes met.

"Buffy, you look good," Parker handed her a cup and sat on the seat next to her.

"Yes, yes, Buffy you look great, but what I was saying was about this whole not going to college thing I'm trying. My summer of fun, as it can only be called that.." Xander continued on talking about the perks of not going to college right after high school as Buffy and Parker quietly talked.

"So, Xander was telling me that you're a freshmen."

His smile was so nice Buffy had a hard time remembering why it was she hated men. As they talked Willow frequently nudged Oz with a point and a nod in their direction noting the long forgotten smiles that graced Buffy's face.

"You wanna dance?" his request came after a rather informative speech on most profitable ways of the college meal card. Buffy hesitated just long enough for him to notice. "We don't have to if you don't want to, but this is a good band and I like this song so I figured, it might be nice to share it with you." he looked down away from her in slight embarrassment at his sentimental remark. But when he looked up his smile was hopeful if slightly shy. Buffy looked at Willow for affirmation and hopped off the stool when she smiled and nodded. Parker lead her to the dance floor and they began moving to the beat. His hands held hers.

i only want to see
if you're ok when i'm not around
asking if you love me
i love the way you make it sound
calling you to see
do i try too hard to make you smile
to make a smile
well i will keep calling you to see
if you're sleepin are you dreamin and
if you're dreamin are you dreamin of me
i cant believe
you actually picked...me

i thought that the world had lost its sway
(its so hard sometimes)
then i fell in love with you
(then came you)
and you took that away
(its not so difficult, the world is not so difficult)
you take away the old
show me the new
and i feel like i can fly
when i stand next to you
so what if I'm on this phone
a hundred miles from home
i take the words you gave
and send them back to you

"Well, I guess the 'lets make Buffy happy' portion of the evening is going well," Xander didn't seem all that happy about his statement.

Willow scrounged her forehead and slowly pried her eyes away from her best friends first real smile in months. "What do you mean?"

"Well, that guy is clearly a jerk," Xander stated pointing his hand at the pair on the dance floor.

Willows gaze followed his pointing, saw Buffy smiling and could only utter a "Huh?"

"I believe we're at a loss as to how you came to this conclusion." Oz had had been poked at the beginning and end of every smile or happy sigh Buffy had made the entire night and could not really see how things weren't going well.

Xander scoffed. "He's a jerk, I can tell. The way he whispers in her ear, the way he smiles at her like she the best thing since sliced bread," he jerked his head back towards Willow and Oz," He's only after one thing" he stated.

Willow glared at him angrily. "Xander Harris, you stop that right now."

"Stop what," Xander held up his hands in defense. "I'm just sayin' .."

Willow cut him off as she stood up and pointed at him angrily " That, that 'I'm just sayin that this guys no good for Buffy," just like every other guy she's ever dated since you met her."

"Well, I was kinda rig.."

"No, no Xander, you will not start this boy bashing. Buffy's been miserable for months and I don't care what you think about this guy. He's a nice, stable, friendly man that seems to like Buffy a lot, and, and I am not going to sit around and let you help her be sad for the rest of her life. Got it." she firmly placed her resolve face on and stared him down. "Oz, man you got to back me up, the guy is shady." Oz shrugged and tilted his head towards Willow, his customary 'where she goes I follow' response.

"Ok fine, whatever, but don't say I didn't warn you."

"Good," Willow nodded her head and began to pull Oz of his stool, "Now, I feel like dancing, Xander your free to join us, if you want." she gave him her all has now been forgiven smile as she waited for his response. Xander sighed in his defeat but smashed a smile on his face and bounced out onto the floor after her.

"Lets party like its 1999"

Buffy continued to smile into the night. Parker was funny, interesting, and incredibly nice, smiling if not laughing at her jokes, sympathizing with her complaints of college and just being a great guy. Plus Willow, Oz, and Xander had joined them on the dance floor, making this one of the better nights she had had in a long time. The band stopped playing and announced that a new band was up tonight, but it would take a few minutes for them to set up, so the group maneuvered back to their table to catch their breath and have a few drinks.

"Who's this new band, they don't usually have two bands a night," Willow questioned Oz.

"Yeah I didn't recognize that name either, are they not from around here?" Xander added to her comment as he passed out the new round of drinks.

"Um, yeah, their from L.A. I've seen a few times there, their pretty good actually. Ghost of The Robot was the name."

"L.A. huh, kind of three or 10 steps back coming here?" Parker's comment received a blatant glare from Xander, and a slight frown from Willow.

"Well, some of us that were born and raised here kind of like it, and think that LA sucks, what do you think of that?" Xander's hostility was evident and Parker was taken aback.

"Well, I was just saying that.."

Buffy could see this was going no where, she remembered what it was like in LA and had to side more with Xander, Sunnydale was the better of the two, not that she'd ever tell him that. But she knew a guy like Parker would never appreciate the quirky little town they way they did.

"Hey," she jumped in with as peppy a voice as she could muster into the oncoming explosion," Looks like their almost set," she jumped off her stool pulling Parker with her, "Lets go dance some more." Parker glanced to Buffy and back at Xander's glower.

"Sure let's do that." He smiled at Buffy, allowing her to drag him to the dance floor.

"What'd I tell ya Willow, shady," he said as soon as they were out of earshot.

Willow hadn't liked what he said but wasn't going to condemn him of liking a big city compared to their small town.

"Xander," she said in a warning tone.

Xander rolled his eyes, getting of his stool and pulling on his jacket, "What ever, I'm outa here."

"Don't go Xander," Willow called out to him, but he was already to the door. She sighed heavily and slumped on her seat. Oz rubbed her back and kissed her cheek. "You can't win em all."

"I just want all my friends to be happy, ya know," she looked at him hopefully.

"Yeah I know."

Breakdown!

Let the fun and games begin
She is spayed and broken in
Skin is cold and white
Such a lovely lonely night

Heaven is on the way
You could feel the hate
but I guess you never will
I'm on a roll again
and I want an end
'cause I feel you creeping in

What I found in this town
I'm heading for a breakdown
What's that sound, you're so loud
I'm heading for a breakdown

Drank up all my alcohol
This is not a free for all
I'll be there for you
'Til my heart is black and blue

Buffy began to sway slightly to the keyboard stings of the music but then jumped, right into Parkers arms as the lead singer screamed out the first word in the song.

"Whoa, that's really not what I expected," she sighed taking a deep breath to slow her heart. She looked up at the stage to see a blast from her past. And her breath caught again. She didn't even hear Parkers "Me neither" as she lost her self in her memories again.

"You want to go around, pet, I'll have a gay old time of it. You want to stop Angel... we're gonna have to play this a bit differently."

"Okay, fine. You're not down with Angel. Why would you ever come to me?"
"I want Dru back. I want it like it was before we came back. The way she acts around him…"

Spike had always had a way of throwing all his emotions out on to the floor for every one to see, and consequently step on, but when he sang he threw them out at every one. As he sang you could feel his happiness, or his pain, which was usually the case. Spike. The outside lining of her first falling out with Angel, Spike's image still held a bit of bitterness and animosity for Buffy. And now as their eyes met, he sang to her. Laying out all of his pain at her feet, for a brief moment she swam in her pain mingled slightly with his, she wondered what he was sad about now. Last they had met, it was because his skank of a girl friend had drug him to Sunnydale to find Angel, her exboyfriend that she was still totally in love with. If it hadn't been for the fact that it was Spike's girlfriend that had caused all Buffy's problems with Angel, she might have felt sorry for him. Dru had treated him like crap, and on the one occasion she had seen Spike and Angel together, she could tell where Dru got her courage to do so. The once they had met just the two of them, Spike had seemed incredibly pathetic and insanely in love with a very much insane person. But now, he looked a little healthier, his skin was a little darker, probably from the California sun, but that only made the white of his hair stand out that much more, even if there did appear to be at least a few centimeters of dark roots sprouting from his scalp. She guessed he had dropped the black on black with a slash of red look for image, because he was now donned in dark blue jeans and a purpley black button down shirt that hung half way open reveling, even in the semi darkness of the club, that his new tan ventured further then his face.

Parker had said her name several times and even tugged on her arm slightly, but none of that brought her home from her thoughts. What did it was as he finished the song he winked at her. She was dumbfounded. He winked at her, like they were friends or something. Like the mere thought of every thing he implied wasn't already making tears glisten in her eyes. How dare he. She had gone from sad to pissed off in sheer seconds. She was almost ready to jump up on the stage to slap the now smirk off his face when the words of the song he was now singing hit her.

Your like an infantile
I knew it all the while
You sit and try to play me
Just like you see on TV
I am an oversight
Just like a parasite
Why am I so pathetic
I know you won't forget it

Just call my name
You'll be okay
Your scream is burning through my veins

Sooner or later
Your gonna hate it
Go ahead and throw my life away
Driving me under
Leaving me out there
Go ahead and throw my life away

He was in no way implying that she should scream his name. What?? He winked at her again, just as Parker's voice was finally cutting through the now haze of her anger. "Buffy, do you know that guy or something?" his gaze darted from her face to Spike's.

Buffy finally managed control of her self and glared up at Spike, grabbing onto Parker's arm and began tugging him in the direction of the table. "Or something," she choked out, she was on the verge of tears and needed to get out of here and fast.

"Hey Buffy, isn't that Spike up there," Willow didn't notice the tears in her eyes at first but as soon as she did she knew she had asked the wrong question.

"Yeah, that's him. Look, I'm wiped, all this fun havin' after so much not," she paused to take a deep breath, trying her damndest to not hear the music, she pushed back the tears a little harder," I'm just really tired now, and"

Sooner or later
Your gonna hate it
Go ahead and throw our life away

She looked at the stage as he finished the song just in time to see him blow her a kiss, and then she didn't know which was going to over come her first, her anger at his arrogance, or her tears. She started heading for the door throwing a brief "I got to get outa here" over her shoulder just before she crashed into a group of people and rammed right threw them and out the door.

Parker stood bewildered at her retreating figure. He turned to Willow with a questioning look.

"Ok, what was that all about? Is that guy like an ex or something."

Willow was stunned in to silence by Buffy's quick exit. She didn't know much about Spike, only that he had been around the first time Buffy and Angel had had a falling out. When she did find her tongue she was torn between trying to patch things up with Parker on Buffy's behalf, and not telling her business if Buffy wasn't ready for him to know.

"Or something," Oz had found the good thing to say for her, as always. He was the best. Parkers confused look told them both that that wasn't enough for him.

"What's that s'pose to mean? 'or something'. That's the same thing she said."

Oz shrugged," Well there you go then."

Parker scoffed at them and grab his jacket, following the path Buffy had taken with a look of determination on his face.

On stage, Spike announced that two songs was all they had tonight, but that they'd be back in a few days with a few more.

Willow sighed heavily as she climbed off her stool and grabbed her jacket.

"Well, at least it was good for a few minutes," the two remaining scoobies grabbed their jackets and headed for the door.

Buffy wondered slowly towards her house. Gah, his arrogance. Her thoughts replayed the words to his songs and the looks he had given her. He had always infused her with heat, usually angry violent heat, but for a fleeting moment, the heat had been passion. She had never denied his good looks, but for just those few seconds his new look cooked with his harsh emotional words had inspired passion in her. Which didn't bother her, Buffy liked passion, that's what had fueled her relationship with Angel. What bothered her was that it had been passion towards him, for him, about him, she wasn't sure. She just knew that the sight of Spike had drug a dirty stick over the slow to heal- still gaping pusstuous wound that was the absence of Angel. A tear streaked down her cheek at the thought of him gone. She should have known that things weren't going to be ok after she came back from running away. Spike was right, whether the words were about her or not, she was broken. She was lost without Angel at her side and couldn't even fathom a direction to begin to head in without him to guide her. But that was why he had left, wasn't it, because she couldn't think without him to be her crutch. Maybe he was right. She took a deep breath to help steady her new thoughts. She was just beginning to wonder if these were the realizations that Angel had wanted her to come to, when there was the sharp pain of some one forcible grabbing her arm and jerking her around.

"Where do you get off ditching me like that," the fury in Parker's eyes was startling. "Wha..?" Buffy began as Parker back handed her. Thrown more by the fact that he had hit her then the actual hit, Buffy fell to the ground.

"What are you talking about?" Buffy asked?

Parkers harsh laugh held no mirth as he looked at the sky in disbelief and repeated what she had just said.

"What am I talking about? I'm talking about how some shit bag singer starts eye fucking you and you go all run 'away bride' on me, with no explanation. I know your all 'emotionally scarred'," he said with stark sarcasm," but nobody leaves me hanging like that." He bent down and grabbed her arm with such pressure that Buffy let out a small cry of pain.

"Especially hot little things like you." he started heading towards an alley with Buffy in tow, mumbling about being left, and not being left. Once they where far enough into the alley that only a little light from the nights full moon illuminated them, he threw her against the hard brick of the alley's wall. All her breath was knocked out of her and the brick ground into the soft flesh of her arm as she began to slide down it. Parker's sharp bark of laughter was unnerving ,but not as much as his words or actions. He reached down and grabbed her arms dragging her back up the wall.

"As great as I think you'd be on your knees, you have already proven to be untrustworthy, so I don't think this first time I'm gonna let your mouth, full of your teeth be hangin' out with my stuff."

Buffy stared at him in shock and confusion. She was still reeling from all that had happened with Spike and the thoughts he had ignited, to even begin to comprehend what was in the process of happening to her. Some were in the back of her head someone was cursing her for wearing a skirt, but she didn't know why. Parker's words finally dawned on her as he turned her around and slammed her front into the wall.

"Walk away from me, bitch, I'll have you crawling back for more," his breath was heavy in her ear as she felt a slight chill on her legs. Parker had hiked her skirt up, holding her to the wall with one, working his belt with the other. Realization of the situation hit Buffy like a brick and she began to struggle. Her mother had forced her to go to self defense classes after the move to Sunnydale, but right now the screaming panic in her head drowned out any one of the several voices trying to tell her what to do to get away from this increasingly atrocious situation. The screaming in her head hadn't quit as the pressure of Parkers hand left her back and she fell to the ground. She thought she heard the sound of flesh viciously hitting flesh, the panic screaming was still to loud. She jerked her skirt back down over her knees and tried to stand up. As she did so a strong, but gentle hand came to rest on her elbow and helped her up. The panicky voice had begun to quit, but at the presence of another's touch, it freaked out again. Buffy jerked away and began screaming, "Get away from me!" Her tear blurred vision couldn't positively identify her rescuer. She struggled slightly as gentle yet strong arms wrapped protectively around her and began a long stream of soothing words of assurance. The smell of leather, cigarette smoke, and alcohol assaulted her sense of smell as her saviors accented voice reached her ears.

"It'll be alright, pet," his hand soothed her hair, she knew exactly who had saved her, and even in light of all the events that had transpired that evening all she could think; was that he smelled really good.