眠い。

This body is so weak. I am so weak. But I gave up to try else. Nothing will change.

Lying here is good. In the soft warm blankets. I don't want to leave them. Only staying here. For a while, maybe forever. Just here in my bed, careless about everything else. I am afraid to leave this save place. Nothing can hurt me when I stay here. Nothing.
Sometimes I hear them talking. The voices which still haunt me for over hundred years. But they cannot harm me, when I sleep, just sleep... my mind is empty. I am empty. But it feels so good...
But then there is you. You see, that I am hiding because I suffer. And you worry.
Everything got worse since I am back. The first months I kept being a sassy asshole like I always did but – I broke down. I can't do this anymore. It hurts, it hurts so much. And everything exhausts me. I barely eat and drink. I am too tired. I cannot even move. What is this...
"Shingetsu?"
Even opening my eyes a little needs so much energy, but I try my best to look at you. You opened the door to my room, the place your family gave me to stay, to have a home. I try to reply to you but my voice doesn't want, I am silent, soundless, voiceless. Unable to do anything.
My room is dark, my eyes hurt because of the little light coming from the hall into it. You shut the door, turn on the little lamp next to my bed, sitting in front of me with a sorrowful gaze.
Our views meet and we are silent, both unable to say a word. I can see your warm hands touching the blankets, searching for my hands to enclose them in your own.
The sadness in your eyes makes me feel guilty. But it isn't your fault. It has nothing to do with you. More – you are the reason why I still try to live. Yes, trying. It doesn't sound like I try, doesn't it?
You squeeze my hand softly and give me a little smile, telling me that everything is alright. I should not be afraid. My body is shaking when I slowly pull your hand near to my chest, close to my heart, to feel your warmth. I close my eyes and I can feel little tears dripping down my face. It hurts to force a smile, but I am happy. Happy that you care. I am so happy that you are there for me. I hurt you so much and you don't leave me. You won't. And I am glad.

"Yu... Yuuma-kun." I whisper your name barely audible. Your name gives me hope. The bad feelings fade away when you stay with me.
And then suddenly I feel how you drag me out of my save blankets, pulling me close to you into a tight embrace. I gasp a little, my weak body struggling with the fast moving all of the sudden.
Yuuma-kun.
It is so cold outside. But your embrace gives me all the warmth I need. Everything I need is you.
I can forget all the sadness, all the pain and fear when you are with me. I want to say something. I want to thank you. But my body doesn't let me. I can feel your hands stroking my hair gently.
Well... maybe I can't now. But I will. One day. As long as you don't leave me I will fight.